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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617354">We're Only Hiding in Plain Sight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattywritessometimes/pseuds/Mattywritessometimes'>Mattywritessometimes</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alcohol, Alternate Universe - College/University, Drug Use, F/F, Slow burn for both couples</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:46:13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>48,807</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617354</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mattywritessometimes/pseuds/Mattywritessometimes</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When you live in a cruel world, sometimes creating someone new is your only way to break through. For some, escaping means grabbing a bottle of liquor and a dose of something stronger than weed. For others, its pouring your heart and soul into a sport that can only give so much back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Fatin Jadmani/Leah Rilke, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>71</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>475</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. It's the party life for me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First part, here the gang plays soccer cause let me tell you, I don't know shit about basketball. I'm really bad with keeping up stories so let's see where this adventure leads.</p><p>Come find me at LetsTalkWilds on twitter and you'll get all of my dumb opinions on why I love this show</p>
    </blockquote><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>This was meant to be a fun little thing based off a cute manip gif but then things happen.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Toni runs and it is like the weight of the world is crushing her shoulders. Life taught her far too early that life was a relentlessly cold place.  The abandonment of her family was just the simplest of merciless unfortunates that had befallen her. With each memory came an overwhelming need to run faster as if she could outrun her demons. She never could.</p><p>     It was early August with the harsh Texan sun shining down on her on the track that align the soccer fields. Pass byers would shoot her looks as if to tell her that she was deranged for wanting to run in 100-degree heat. She simply ignored them; they did not know her life. 1 mile. 2 miles. She lost track. It was not until she fell onto the hot track field that she realized she pushed herself too hard. “Fuck.” her curse was low, her head spun and she couldn’t see straight. She laid there for 5 or 10 minutes. She lost count and instead focused on breathing. “You know, if you want to kill yourself then you should probably try less bizarre approaches.” Fatin’s voice rang out above her while her shadow provided a much-needed break from the sun. “You know me, just getting my suntan time in. This skin doesn’t bronze itself.” Toni lifts up a hand and gives Fatin the option to pull her up.</p><p>     “Swear to Christ Toni” Fatin grumbles as she pulls up the shorter girl. “Do I need to tell someone about this? Like, is this warning signs?” Fatin gave out a laugh but it felt more like it was a half-truth. “Nah it’s all good. I just had a lot of energy to burn off.” She waved her off and slowly made her way over to the other side of the track where her water and stuff was. “We had a 3-hour practice you deranged lunatic.” Fatin responded overdramatically. “Yeah well, I gotta get my times up so I can keep up with the other teams.” It was not exactly a lie. Division 1 soccer was brutal in every sense of the word. You had to eat and breathe the sport to be the best. That’s a lie, there are plenty of people that are just naturally that good. No practice, no conditioning, they just show up and the coaches bow at their feet. Fatin had a natural talent for defense. She remembers meeting her for the first time and finding out that she was on the soccer team threw her through a loop.</p><p>     It was an overnight recruit trip that had brought in all the freshmen recruits. She can remember it like it was just yesterday, Fatin with her oversized suitcase and even bigger enthusiasm to get absolutely white girl wasted with a bunch of college boys. They did of course, what else do you do at the University of Texas? Fatin, Dot, and Leah. The three who drank like they had nothing to lose. Rachel and Toni. The two who stared at their cups in the midst of a crowd too large for their liking and way too drunk to even care that they were being loud and obnoxious. Toni remembers looking at Rachel and saying, “You come here often?” Rachel scoffed but gave her a soft smile as she spoke, “Im out of here. I drove myself since it’s not far. You need a ride?” She shot her down, she had nowhere else to go. She had to settle with helping get her newfound teammates back to the dorms of the other soccer girls once the party had fizzled out.</p><p>     Now, 4 years later, it felt so on brand that things happened the way they did. Toni and Fatin easily exchanged jokes and rants about their professors and their harsh senior schedules as they walk back to Fatin’s car. “I mean seriously, who the fuck sends their schedule out before summer is even over and has a homework assignment? What kind of psychopath thinks that it is a good idea?” Fatin is fuming over her biology professor’s shenanigans. “I wonder whose fault it is that you’re in that class?” Toni gave out an exaggerated ‘hmm’ sound. “Suck my dick Shalifoe.” Yeah, they got along. It blew her mind how easy it was to talk to her. No romantic thoughts ever occurred with her about the spitfire of a girl that was Fatin. They had jokingly kissed one time in sophomore year but that was as far as their physical affection went.</p><p>     They made it to their 4-room apartment, a little slice of heaven according to Toni. “Oh hey look, Fatin found the gremlin” Dot pointed out as they walked into the door. “For fucks sake” She was almost out the door before she felt herself be tugged back by a laughing Fatin. “No no you come back here missy, we need our firecracker to help us get the party going.” Toni should have fought back and bite out a few words of annoyance, except they were no where to be found. 4 years of these girls turned her over-antagonism into something much softer and calm. The rage was still there, and it still burned like a firestorm when the girls let it go unchecked for too long. Gone were the days where she only had Martha in her corner. Her and Martha came down to Texas together once Toni got the full ride scholarship offer. It was the best offer she could get with her track record of personal issues. Martha was so proud and thrilled that she applied for the same college.</p><p>     While Toni was forced to room with Dot, Leah, and Fatin, she still spent a portion of her day with Martha. Martha pulled up her grades enough to make the dean’s list each semester and was on track to graduate early but decided against it so she could walk on stage with Toni at graduation. “Earth to Shalifoe?” Dot waved a hand in her face with a twist of annoyance and enjoyment. “Just thinking about how much yall are going to pay for rehab later on in life.” The words fell off her tongue so easily that she no longer thinks of the hidden source of pain that comes from them. “Real mature” Leah yells from the couch. “Yeah seriously, not all of us have to live the strenuous life of a star athlete” Fatin gave her ass a little smack and waltzed over to lay on a complaining Leah. Except Leah wasn’t really complaining, it was all an act and everyone knew it. Everyone but them. Toni casted Dot a subtle look which was returned with a small smile. Eventually they’ll figure it out.</p><p>     Turns out the little party that Fatin found out about was a gigantic college party roughly an hour and 45 minutes away from their apartment. “Now how the hell did you find out about this one” Dot gripped the stirring wheel in annoyance. She lost the adult game of rock paper scissors and was now forced into the position of designated driver. “You remember that girl Samantha from that rich no-name school?” Fatin said as she was filing her nails in the back seat, legs stretched across Leah’s lap. “You mean Texas A&amp;M?” Toni said with an exaggerated look of confusion. “Is that where we’re going? Fuck that I’m turning around.” Dot scoffed and turned on her blinkers to signal she was entering the nearest highway exit. “Toni!” Fatin growled at her and snatched her phone from the seat and out of Toni’s eyesight. “No bitch keep driving. I’ll keep telling you the directions and if the party sucks then you can make me watch survivor shows with you for a week. No complaint.”</p><p>     “Leah you seem awfully quiet.” Dot responded sarcastically while turning her blinkers off and getting back in their original lane. Fatin knew better then to boast her success. “I just think a party we haven’t been to sounds nice. Plus, those two nice soccer girls will be there.” Leah responded weakly. “You son of a bitch, you fucking knew.” Dot rolled her eyes and Toni burst out laughing. Of course Leah knew, Fatin tells her everything. “Now how the hell did you manage Leah’s silence. Wait no don’t actually tell me, I don’t think I want to know.” She regretted the words as soon as she said them. Fatin stuck out her tongue at her and then wiggled her eyebrows at Leah, “Oh I have my ways.” Dot faked a throw up sound and the rest of the drive was taken over by the inviting idea of pre-drinking and singing to 2000’s pop songs. For the record, Toni and Fatin gave an amazing rendition of “Chemical’s React” by Aly and Aj.</p><p>     They arrive a little past 7pm with the party in full swing. “Jesus Fatin how do you find these things out.” Toni spoke wide eyed with a hint of a slur by the end. “It’s called social media, I asked around.” Fatin gave everyone a big satisfying grin. The place they arrived at was huge as far as houses go. “Fucking rich people.” Toni looked around in amazement. You could probably fit 4 of her foster homes in this one house. “Gone are the days we go to apartments and paying off the RA’s huh?” Leah put her arm around Fatin’s shoulder. “Hell yeah” Fatin returned the gesture and smiled greatly. “I am now 100% more willing to enjoy this shit show. Alright everyone remembers the drill. I’m leaving by 3 am, if you aren’t at the car by then then it’s survival of the fittest. I’m assuming you have your own way home.” Everyone nodded to this information but Fatin rolled her eyes. “Okay mom” She groaned underneath her breath and walked towards the door, Dot does this every time she is DD.</p><p>     “And im not going to come looking for you!” Dot shouted back. It was a lie. Dot always goes to search for the girls whenever anyone doesn’t text her before she leaves. They know this, and it makes them feel just a little bit more loved. They don’t even knock, they walk straight in. Toni will never get used to that college tradition. How can someone just open their house to complete strangers and not even look at who is coming in? The thoughts are quickly stripped away by the sight of at least a hundred people dancing to some sexual R&amp;B song. “Oh fuck yeah!” Fatin already knew where to go and who to talk to. Typical. Leah rolled her eyes, “She does this every time. Guess I’ll go make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.” Toni laughed softly, Leah and Fatin often inhabit the same area whenever they party. They haven’t spoken about it out loud to her but she knows its cause they worry for the other.</p><p>      “And then there were two.” Dot whistled low and stuffed her hands in her pocket. “Come on, lets go see if we can get you a non-alcoholic drink.” Toni put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a sympathy pat. “I just hate that I have to be sober and you fucks get to drink your liver away. Getting an uber home would cost more than my rent.” Dot droned on about her unfortunes and Toni felt for the girl. “You know people watching is better for you than being hungover and puking the next day.” She tried her hardest, but Dot rolled her eyes before smirking. “Who said I would only be people watching? First cute guy I talk to, he’s mine.” They manage to find a spot in the kitchen where sodas were set up right next to the hard liquor isle. “You won’t have any competition from me.” Toni put her hands in the air in surrender before pouring herself a drink. The shots of vodka she had in the car were not nearly enough.</p><p>      After an hour of drinking, Toni was starting to feel her place amongst the crowd. Dot abandoned her sometime between her first and second drink in favor of talking to a tall boy with a decent smile. Good for her. A cute dark-skinned woman with long black hair and red tips glanced at her and smiled an enticing smile. “Okay I’m game” That’s where she found herself, dancing to an electrifying beat pressed up against a cute girl. She hadn’t paid nearly enough attention to the crowd or who came and who left. Maybe she would take this girl and lead her upstairs, or maybe she just needed another drink before she got any of the courage to do more than just dance. The girl said something into Toni’s ear that caused her to blush slightly. She looked around, a part of her wondering if Fatin was watching from some unknown corner cause she knows that Toni has sought out anyone since Regan.</p><p>      Instead, she finds the last person in the world she expected to see. Shelby Goodkind pressed up against the wall by some blonde girl who kissed her heavily. The dreamy smile that Toni had slowly faded. Her dance partner of the night quickly realized. “I thought you didn’t live around here?” She smirked in curiosity rather than discomfort at knowing another girl had caught her attention. “I uh, I don’t.” The alcohol was catching up with her comprehension skills and she kept blinking her eyes as if the picture she was witnessing was going to change dramatically. “Ah yeah Sasha has that affect on people. I personally don’t know her but my friend sure does.” The girl points at her friend who was currently gripping Shelby’s hips like she was going to bolt at any moment. At one point, Toni realizes that she hadn’t even gotten the girls name. “Fuck im so sorry, I’m Toni. Its been like 2 hours and I haven’t even asked.” She was completely thrown off her game and stuttered every other word.</p><p>     “Don’t worry, I don’t take these things personally. We’re here to have a good time. Everyone calls me Kat.” She seemed cool and easily more confident then Toni feels like she could ever be. “Still kinda a dick move. I had my hands on your waist before I even asked your first name.” Toni awkwardly let out a laugh and looked back at Shelby. “Got a thing for blondes huh?” Kat tried to redirect her attention back from Shelby to her by stepping over enough to get in sight. “She just looks super familiar; I think I have her mixed up with someone else.” Her voice trailed off but picked back up “What do you know about her?”. Like why the fuck was Shelby going by Sasha and why was she kissing a woman an hour and 45 minutes away from home. No matter how confused she was by the situation, she didn’t know if she could even do anything with the information.</p><p>     “She comes to these parties every week and brings the good shit.” Kat rolled her eyes and must have realized that they were probably not going to be hooking up after all. “I think she goes to A&amp;M but honestly I’ve never seen her on campus. Not that that means anything, state universities are a nightmare to navigate at first cause they’re so big.” The intimacy between them evaporated and Toni felt a ping of regret. “I do know her.” Toni breathed out quickly, she didn’t want the situation to get any more awkward than it quickly was. Kat gave her a puzzling look and then glanced around. This was going to more interesting than anything else going on. “Want to take some shots?” Toni felt herself let go of a breath she didn’t know she was holding. She wasn’t good at this sort of thing. Dancing and making out was one thing, talking was another.</p><p>     It took 2 shots of tequila before they started talking more rather than lightly disregarding how trashed everyone was around them. “This is the most sober I’ve been at this point of an aggie party.” Kat laughed and downed an additional shot. Toni was already feeling the alcohol, things were feeling better. “I pre-drank so I’m at a pretty good place.” It didn’t take a genius to figure out that Toni was searching for someone in particular. “Looking for Sasha? You said you know her, want to go into more detail?” It was an open invitation and Toni could have declined. “She goes to my school. If anyone saw her here, they’d be shocked. I know I am.” Toni found her again after some searching. The girl she had been kissing was crunching a pill. When she had finished, Shelby gave her a quick laugh and proceeded to snort the line.</p><p>     “What the fuck” Toni muttered, unable to look away from the scene. “Wow, so she does drugs.” It quickly occurred to her that none of her friends were anywhere to be seen or her boyfriend. “I mean I wasn’t kidding when I said that she brings the good shit. Some grade A lsd shit.” Kat resigned herself to leaning up against the wall and letting Toni decompress. “No one has any idea, fuck. Kat she is a church girl. Her dad is a pastor and everything.” The alcohol had taken full effect. Her regard for Shelby’s privacy was thrown out the window in response to the 180 she had just witnessed. “No fucking way” Kat gaped at her and laughed hard as she hit her leg. “You gotta be playing with me. She comes to these parties all the time. I’ve lost count how many girls that girl has led on. She kind of has a reputation around these parts.”</p><p>     “Repressed church girl gone lesbian bad girl. This shit doesn’t write itself.” Kat pulled herself together, she had made the right decision to stick around with Toni. “You won’t tell anyone right?” Toni’s head spun back to her quickly in worry. Kat zipped her mouth, “I won’t tell a soul. She’s in the closet for a reason if her father really is a pastor. I don’t out people, not my thing.” A part of her wanted to tell Kat that Sasha wasn’t even her real name. She couldn’t though, this was Shelby’s secret life not hers. They do one more shot before Toni loses parts of her memory. Her and Kat go back to dancing. The feel good mood doesn’t keep Toni from searching out the blonde girl though.</p><p>     It’s 1 am by the time she makes her biggest mistake. She is in desperate need to pee after finally giving in after an hour of fiercely ignoring it in favor of playful banter with Kat. “Sorry, excuse me, sorry.” Toni slurs out as she walks around bodies of college students talking, kissing, or doing other illegal things. “Fuck finally” She groans as she bangs on the door with the ‘bathroom’ signed in abysmal handwriting. The door swings open to an intoxicated Shelby greeting her, “You can wait your turn” the words get out before they are safely stored away in her mind. The shock on her face played out like a movie. First there was a sly grin that morphed to confusion and then to shock. “What are you doing here?” her usually cheery voice was charged with a low drawl as she glanced back behind her. “I could say the same to you” It was hard to be concerned with the meeting while Toni felt her bladder shrivel in pain.</p><p>     Shelby dragged her in and shut the door loudly. Her eyes were blown out and smelled like she had been to the liquor isle once or twice. “Wait first, I need to pee really bad.” Intoxicated Toni had no time for this and didn’t pay her any mind while she let herself go on the cold seat. “Toni what the fuck are you doing here?” Shelby cursed out a few more times before steeling herself. “Im at a party with Fatin, Dot, and Leah. What about it?” She tried to play it cool, tried to not let her temper start to rise from being confronted like she didn’t belong there. She pulled up her pants and washed her hands. “How much did you see, where are the others.” Shelby’s words were frantic and mushed together, it was almost hard for Toni to even decipher what was going on. “I didn’t see anything, and I don’t know.” She was a shit liar and she knows it. She didn’t freak out at seeing Shelby, didn’t question her eyes or the way her words strung together messily compared to her usual proper demeanor.</p><p>      “You saw all of it didn’t you. What you come to bust me to everyone?” It made her blood boil. The fuck did she mean by that? “What the fuck no, it’s your life I don’t care how you live it.” Her jaw tightened and her voice felt more like a growl than anything that could be used to make her feel better. She had just invaded a world that Shelby must have spent time crafting. Shelby pushed her up against the door, “You need to leave.” The words rung in her head and the familiar feeling of seeing red over came her. “Why? So I don’t tell anyone about Sasha? Does that boyfriend of yours even know? Shelby we don’t even talk. If you want to project your shame, you better aim it at someone else.” The words came out harsh but true. Shelby stood stunned for a moment. “How do you know about Sasha?” She spoke quietly like the pieces were slowly coming together on what Toni knew.</p><p>       “Are questions really all youre going to say? Really?” Toni pushed off the door and readied herself to leave the bathroom by force if she had to. Her good mood was ruined. “No, not til you answer my questions.” Shelby grabbed her arm and tugged her back. “I don’t have to answer shit to you.” Toni pulled back, seeing how fucked up Shelby was, it was very easy. “I just said that I knew who you were and a girl told me that name. That’s it.” She doesn’t know why she says it, she knows its only adding fuel to the fire. Unlucky for Shelby though is that she is known for playing with fire.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Unexpected Turns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I accidentally kept writing and i'm not a patient person so tada</p><p>Twitter: LetsTalkWilds</p><p>Leave comments too, id love to hear your thoughts :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>       “So how does it feel to know my life is a lie?” She was heading towards a breakdown and Toni knew this. “That you have information that could ruin my life. Andrew doesn’t know, my father doesn’t know, no one knows who I really am.” Toni didn’t know how to respond. “You don’t have to worry about me saying anything.” Toni finally responded, the fire in her was cooling off to a nice 375F degrees rather than 400F. “We haven’t spoken since sophomore year. You don’t even know my last name, why are you so worried about me saying something a hundred miles away?” She knows she should have chosen different words, comforted her on the idea that she wouldn’t say anything and walk away. Too bad words aren’t her forte. “Your name is Toni Shalifoe, you are the captain of the soccer team, you study mechanical engineering, you’ve been out as long as you’ve been in Texas.”</p><p>        It was a response that took her back. “I know enough about you Toni to worry even if you don’t even know my last name.” Shelby bit back just as hard as Toni gave. This was a girl who was challenging her. It should have upset her. Make her want to shatter the bathroom mirror. Instead, it fueled her. “Your name is Shelby Goodkind, your father is a pastor, you study biology, you could be asked to take part in the competition to decide Miss Texas.” Shelby took a step back, eyes glanced down Toni’s face for a split second. “How do you know what I study?” Toni scoffed, “How the fuck do you know what <em>I </em>studied?” The awkward realization hung in the air that the two had gone through the motions of their daily lives, neither communicating or longing, yet kept tabs on each other.</p><p>       “I heard about it from one of your teammates. She said you were good with numbers and machines.” Shelby grumbled and looked at her expectantly. “Whenever I would go to the library, you were always studying something biology related.” Toni glanced at the floor feeling her cheeks begin to heat up from embarrassment. “And how has your opinion on me changed now that you know I don’t just say my prayers and go to bed at 8pm?” Toni had to give it a moment, the room was beginning to spin, and wow was it always this hot in here? “It doesn’t change a thing; your story isn’t mine to tell.” Toni tries for the door again, anything to get out of this conversation and into an open room where could breathe and not smell Shelby’s perfume. Shelby tried to stop her again but this time the smaller girl was ready for her.</p><p>        “You made out and did drugs at a public party. You had to realize this was going to bite you in the ass eventually.” Toni rolled her head back. She was so over this repeating conversation. “So did you uh, see me with that other girl.” There it was, the panic and relentless fear overflowing her face. Toni couldn’t meet her eyes, she knew what it felt like all too well. “Yeah. It must suck having to go to great lengths to keep who you are a secret.” She was horrible at this and just wanted to leave. “You have no idea what it’s like to have to meet everyone’s expectations.” Just like that, the temperature jumped to a boiling point. “I totally don’t, you’re right. My career in soccer has been really easy and my training comes naturally. I do get more than 3 hours of sleep a night cause my degree doesn’t require me to study a lot. I chose to come down to fucking Texas for the free heat strokes and douchebag guys.” Sarcasm dripped off of each word, words slurring at uncomfortable times but she gets the point across.</p><p>        “My father would disown me, I would lose everything I worked my whole life for. Listen, I heard you were a foster kid-“ Toni had enough of what she was hearing. “Fuck off. Spare me your speech about how your life is sadder than mine or how you understand what it’s like to be abandoned. Yeah you would lose your douchebag of a dad, but at least you had one.” With that Toni was gone. She passed by Kat who whistled lowly, “I take it you ran into your little friend?” “Yeah something like that” Toni responded loud enough for her to hear. Her eyes searched for her friends, it was edging closer to the time that they were all supposed to leave. Well if they were all leaving together that is. She first found Dot making out with the same guy that she was talking to earlier. Leah and Fatin were practically on the other side of the house creaming two guys at ping pong.</p><p>       Toni decided against ruining Dot’s fun times and decided she would be storming up to Fatin and Leah instead. “Give me” Toni huffed as she took Fatin’s cup out of her hand and swallowed a good half of it in 3 gulps. “Uh excuse me, did someone say you allowed to just come in here and drink my drink?” Fatin grabbed the cup back and held it delicately. “Im sorry baby, mama won’t let it happen again.” While giving it a quick kiss. “God you are such a fucking weirdo.” Leah laughed as she subtly kept her cup away from Toni’s reach. “Your weirdo” Fatin stuck out her tongue and Leah nodded. Even smashed, those two talked like they were made for each other. “So like yall done or” One of the guys across the table motioned for the game to continue but the girls were over it. “Nah man, the vibes been ruined.” Fatin tossed the ping pong ball into one of the last remaining cups with ease.</p><p>       A loud cheer erupted from those around. Fatin threw her arm around Toni’s boney shoulder. “Alright my small Satan spawn, what girl has your boxers in a twist.” Toni was led away from the crowd though at a slow pace. Fatin just loved to make an unforgettable exit. “Oh right” Fatin said thoughtfully and let go of Toni. She strolled up to one of the boys and brought out a slip of paper. She tuck it right into his belt and gave him a little wink. “In case you get bored of these A&amp;M girls.” She turned around and left him before he could give any reply. Any remaining on lookers whistled and clapped the guy on the back for his accomplishments. “You are way too generous.” Toni muttered, of course Fatin had to do something semi-inappropriate. “I’m sex deprived and he was at least a 7. Give me some slack, I was a good girl today. Now enough about me. What happened?” Fatin is rounding the corner but focused on Toni.</p><p>       Leah is by her other side although looking a little more distant than before. Toni is the first one to look up at the entrance and see Shelby just barely making it to the door. Even with her temper, and her constant irrational behavior, she wasn’t a bad person. “Uh shit my phone. I must have left it in the kitchen.” Toni said loud enough gaining Shelby’s attention. It was enough to send Shelby practically sprinting through the door, completely unseen by the other girls who were too busy looking at the direction Toni pointed at. Toni kept track of the time and waited 5 minutes before faking the knowledge that she found her phone somewhere on the ground.</p><p>       Turns out they were the ones who had to drag Dot out of the party. It took them 30 minutes of scrambling around the house halls and eventually unlocked rooms. With each open door, Fatin openly embraced the idea that she was going to barge in on a couple having sex. To be fair, she did barge in on a threesome. It was the highlight of her night. Eventually she found Dot and her mystery man finishing up their risqué time together. “She’s absolutely in this one.” Fatin said confidently. “Didn’t you say that last time?” Leah folded her arms together, Fatin has said the same thing 3 times already. All three proven obviously wrong. “Oh, Dorothy honey, don’t you know its passed our bed time?” Fatin faked a concerning voice as she opened a door.</p><p>       “God you guys fucking suck!”</p><p>       “Did you at least get his number?” Leah mumbled as she fumbled with the door handle. It was a god forsaken miracle that they all made it back to the car in one piece. Dot still fuming over her time being disrupted. “Nope that didn’t happen. You assholes couldn’t have waited 10 more minutes?” Dot glanced at her watch. It read 3:07 am. “Jesus Christ yall would pick tonight to decide you want to be nice and come find me for a change.” Toni almost felt bad if it wasn’t for the increasing nausea starting to set in. The girls continued their banter back and forth throughout the car ride home. Eventually Dot eased up on them and began to give it back. They officially owed her a favor and she would make sure they knew she would come to collect it. Toni felt her phone vibrate in her hand. She was so focused looking at the window, she had neglected to take part in the banter for more than 30 minutes.</p><p>
  <strong>              Your Babe: </strong>
  <em>u know u did not tell us what happened right</em>
</p><p>
  <em>                                Plus ur so quiet, u ok?</em>
</p><p>       Toni smiled gently at the text and thought for a moment how to respond. She couldn’t tell her about her encounter or about Kat. Shelby was one thing but casually bringing up a new girl would stir up constant chatter and jokes about it. She didn’t really get to say goodbye to her. She wasn’t used to having strangers be kind to her especially when it came to partying and Toni’s own selfishness in general. The whole night Kat listened and talked to her like they had known each other much longer. “Hey Fatin, you mind asking around if they’re going to have another party next week?” It was hazy but Toni vaguely remembers Kat mentioning that Shelby is always at their Friday parties, which means she must be there in order to know that detail. Maybe she would get that number and see where things go. “I refuse to be designated driver and that’s that.” Dot huffed.</p><p>      “Oh girl, I was already on it by the time we left. The guy who owns the place follows me on Instagram now. I wouldn’t mind climbing him like a tree.” Toni and Leah groaned in unison. “After Jeff, I don’t really think I should be dating or seeking out anyone right now.” Leah scratched the back of her head; it was still a sensitive subject. No one really joked about it, it was serious to them. “Well hey when you’re ready, I know plenty of guys who would be right up your alley.” Fatin gave her a calming smile, one that seemed to entrust in Leah a sense of belonging. “You too lesbian” Toni laughed loudly, there was that humor she loved so much. Toni glanced down at her phone again, she knows that if she doesn’t answer then Fatin is just going to march into her room and demand to know what was up.</p><p>             <strong>Me: </strong><em>Some guy was trying to hit on me lol I was getting tired I guess</em></p><p>
  
  <strong>Your Babe: </strong>
  <em>So nothing to do with some cute girl and why u want to go back?</em>
</p><p>
  
  <strong>Me: </strong>
  <em>Hey I have to keep some things to myself</em>
</p><p>       Toni glances over at Fatin who gives a subtle nod. The conversation was over, she had gotten what she wanted. Fatin was never someone to force herself in unless the other person was falling apart at the seams. If there was anything Toni knew about Fatin, it’s that she is a people person. She seems to get what Toni needs just as well as Martha. The text confirms that she hadn’t seen Shelby at the party. Based on the fact that no one had brought it up, she feels confident in the fact that none of them had seen her. It had to be some strange work of faith to begin with that the two had seen each other, much less crossed paths. Once Toni saw her once, she felt like she was seeing her everywhere at the party. Maybe it was Toni who kept unconsciously going wherever Shelby was. She didn’t give any more time to ponder the thought.</p><p>       They got home and went to their respected rooms. No one comes to disturb Toni throughout the remainder of the night not that she could sleep anyways. Thoughts about Shelby would consistently drift into her mind. She remembers when they first met, it had been a few days since Toni had arrived on campus for summer practice. Apparently, Shelby’s family hadn’t lived far off campus cause her family seemed to have involvement in much of what went on. Her family helped provide food for the days where they would practice 3 times a day. Shelby would smile big and her obnoxious Texan accent would overlap and thoughts made a mile away. Toni tried to not give her any attention, but it was hard not to when the woman was super loud and overly friendly. Fatin and Dot liked her enough to keep her busy while Toni would sulk away. They never talked but once.</p><p>       “So, you going to introduce yourself to me or am I going to have to start making up names?” Shelby strolled up to her one day while Toni was chowing down on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. “Why would I do that?” Toni stuffed her mouth again, making sure to chew with her mouth open. Shelby looked away in disgust. “Okay well, guess I’m going to have to settle for calling you something like uh” She pondered for a moment. “Jamie or uhhh oooh Samantha, that’s a good one.” Shelby smirked down at her but Toni felt nothing but annoyance towards her. “So, you came here to mock me huh?” She had to squint in order to properly see Shelby. She might have been standing in front of the sun but that doesn’t stop the harsh Texas sun rays from making you feel like you’re looking at the sun right in front of you.</p><p>      “My name is Toni, not Jamie or Samantha, now if you’ll excuse me.” She refused to let this prissy bible loving church girl get the best of her. She clinched and unclenched her fist as she breathed out of her nose. She focused her sight on Fatin who was trying to do penalty kicks while blind folded using a napkin. She felt herself breathe easier watching the silliness unfold. “Toni!” She hears behind her, the tight feeling in her stomach came to mind once again. “Don’t give me any church bullshit or I swear to god I will grab the nearest soccer ball and shoot right into your pretty little face.” She growled out and glared darkly at her. Shelby hadn’t moved from where she was. “I was actually going to say that I think you’re going to be a really good soccer player here.” Shelby shrugged her shoulders and gave her a small smile. The type of smile people receive when they know that they won an argument. When Toni didn’t respond, the smile only got larger and the taller girl walked off with a spring in her step.</p><p>     “The fuck was that about?” Rachel looked over to Toni and back to where Shelby was walking off to across the field. “I have absolutely no idea.” She groaned out before getting hit in the arm by a rogue soccer ball. “I’d say I’m sorry, but I really am not.” Fatin laughed and made a gesture for them to come over. “Come on soccer star, try some of those fancy moves on me and Dot. I think that wait 15 minutes before you eat thing is a myth and im iching to get some frustration out.” Toni smirked at the challenge. “You sure? Last time we tried this, let me think, oh yeah, you got your ass absolutely blasted.” Toni pumped up her chest in satisfaction at the memory. “How about we show them why we got full scholarships and they didn’t.” Rachel smirked at her. Toni had an odd relationship with Rachel. The two should have been destined to be at each other’s throats. They were supposed to hate each other and argue non-stop. Except they got along amazingly well. They worked seemingly without much need to communicate. They just understood each other.</p><p>     That summer had been grueling and difficult. She still didn’t know if she was used to the insane heat even after spending 3 years living in Texas. When days got tough, her girl Martha was always there for her even when her veterinarian programs began to eat up every ounce of her free time. Whenever Martha was there for her soccer games, Rachel’s twin sister, Nora would always keep her company. “I like her. She’s super funny and not as intense as Rachel.” She remembers Martha telling her one day out of the blue. Toni worried that dragging her to soccer games was going to eventually tear them apart, but the opposite happened. Martha began to make friends with the soccer players parents and now became associated with bringing baked goods for the parents in the stands. It was just the most Martha thing Toni could think of. The parents would drive hours or buy plane tickets to see their kids and all Martha wanted to do was make sure they had a nice cookie for their troubles.</p><p>      Sometimes Shelby and her family would be in the stands though you would never hear them cheering for Toni. Toni felt a smug since of pride overcome her as she remembers the days of kissing Regan at the end of games and looking right at his direction. She hated the guy and the way he approached her coach multiple times about her ‘inappropriate behavior’. Coach Reynolds would appease him enough with comments like “I’ll talk to her.” and “I’m sure she doesn’t mean to offend you.” After all, Shelby’s parents help kept cost for the soccer team down. All the other teams are too horrendous to be associated with the Goodkinds in that way. Women’s soccer though, they have now been to the national tournament and championship game 2 times now. They were a force to be reckon with and the Goodkinds wanted in on it. This year, they could feel the victory practically.</p><p>      Now that she was thinking about it, she would casually catch glimpse of Shelby looking at her with an emotion that she couldn’t quite place. Maybe now she could call it envy. Toni shook her head. It didn’t matter what it was, she would make sure to stay out of Shelby Goodkinds way.</p><p>     That resolution lasted approximately 1 day and 17 hours.</p><p>     After a grueling 2-hour practice in the hot sun, Toni broke off from the others so she could go meet up with Marty. She felt good, her touches were smooth and she felt like she was in complete control. No matter what life threw at her, she could always count on staying in control as long as she had a soccer ball on hand. She made half the distance before she felt herself be tugged down a rocky path that led into a forest. “What the fucking” The words didn’t make sense, but she didn’t care as she jolted away from the person responsible for pulling on her. “What did you guys talk about?” Shelby Goodkind, looking remarkably more sober and yet there was still a hazy look in her eye that told Toni she wasn’t completely sober. “Probably about how much birpies suck when you just ran a timed mile.” Toni huffed, she was way too exhausted to deal with this. “If you came to be a creep or start only asking useless questions again, save it. They don’t know a thing” Toni started walking back to the regular paved trail that led to the apartments.</p><p>     “I only ask a lot of questions cause it doesn’t feel like you tell me anything.” Shelby’s voice staggered and she kicked the ground in annoyance at not being able to word things the way she wants to. “I literally just answered your question. Why are you in the woods hiding like a lunatic?” Was all their meetings going to be like this? They fight by continuously asking questions the other may not even answer unless it was another question. “I was waiting for soccer practice to end and I didn’t want anyone to see me. I know you walk this path sometimes.” Shelby avoided her gaze and then realized what she said. “I just mean from the times I helped with soccer you go this route even though you could just as easy drive. Its weird and easy to notice.” The backtracking didn’t help her case Toni decided. “Stalking me even though your parents have tried to get me kicked off the team. That’s pretty bold of you Goodkind.”</p><p>     Toni took out her phone and looked at the clock. She had to meet Martha by 1:15 and it was already 1:06. “You get 5 minutes and then I gotta go.” Toni crossed her arms and held her ground. “I just needed to speak to you. You distracted your friends for me, for no reason even after you made it bluntly clear you weren’t my biggest fan.” Shelby mimicked the pose Toni was making and for a moment, the air wasn’t as charged as it was before. “I told you in the bathroom and I’ll tell you it here now, it’s not my place to talk about it.” Toni glanced back at the time. 3 minutes left. “Im a bitch don’t get me wrong. I’m not that kind of bitch though.” She could feel Shelby studying her in the same way that she had seen her study for her biology tests. Calculating and registering everything. “How about you tell me what you’re on right now.” If Shelby wanted to invade Toni’s time the way that she is, might as well make it worth it.</p><p>     “I’m not on anything.” Shelby answered just as Toni finished her sentence. Her green eyes darkened, and she blinked them more often than before. “I don’t do that stuff when im not at College Station.” She was being overly defensive, and it gradually let some of her secrets begin to reveal themselves. “You literally go to school in Austin, how are you and your family so uptight about this shit?” Toni questioned, yeah there were homophones at the school, but this was <em>Austin </em>perhaps the blueist city in the entire state. “If you spent even a minute outside of this city then you would realize just how suffocating it is.” Shelby shut her eyes and took a breath, “Sorry, I mean like growing up outside of Austin. Sure its all love and self-care here but once you live the city it’s like a whole other world in this state. This is all I’ve ever known before coming to this college.” If she was trying to make her feel sorry for her, Shelby was doing an awful job.</p><p>     “Then why stay with Andrew? Why not come out, live on your own and say ‘fuck you’ to your brainwashed family?” Shelby let out a calculated chuckle. “I see you do know my boyfriends name.” Toni shrugged her shoulders sheepishly. Time had already passed a few minutes ago and she knows that she could leave at any time. She hated to admit it, but she was getting invested in this dumb blonde’s ridiculous predicament. “They pay for my college and without them I can’t properly do what I really want to do. I want to go to grad school and get my master’s in bio and then hopefully my PhD. I want to branch away from them and create my own life.” Shelby took a side on one of the sitting rocks next to the path. Toni breathed in and closed her eyes. God dammit Toni.</p><p>     “What about all that pageant stuff you’re always doing?” She hates that she knows about the subject all together. It’s hard not to though when all the newspapers talk about it and you’ve seen her on the local tv news channels. “I fucking hate it.” Toni whistled, “I guess mama never taught you how to talk like a lady.” Toni pulled out her best worse impression of a deep south motherly accent. It made Shelby genuinely smile and laugh. It might have been the first real smile she had given her since they had met freshmen year. “Oh she did, she’d have my mouth washed with soap if she could hear me right now.” She smile faded slowly. “She’s had a hard time being married to my father. He can be a lot.” Toni nodded. She could only base her experience off of foster dads. Dads really do suck.</p><p>     “Those pageants are my ticket out of this state. All the charity work, all the work I’ve done for the church. It is all to help me get out. Though don’t get me wrong, my relationship with God is anything but fake.” Toni recalled the days of trying to tune out Shelby’s speeches about how God loves us and gave us the hardships of school because He knew we could take it. She rolled her eyes, “Here I was convinced you were an entire hypocrite.” It was meant to be placed as a joke but Shelby wasn’t used to Toni’s dry humor the way that the other girls had acquainted themselves with it. “Well I’m not. My father might have ideas for me, but I know that God is who will really guide me towards my true goals.” Toni glanced at her phone reading 1:21. A miscall from Martha reminded her that she had somewhere she needed to be.</p><p>     “Oh man, as much as I would love to listen to you preach a sermon. I have to go, darn.” Toni faked her most apologetic voice and facial expression as she turned around to walk away. “I’m sorry!” Shelby called out but Toni didn’t stop walking nor did she respond.</p><p>     Explaining why she was late to meeting Martha was an experience. “You could have just texted me and said you were running late to lunch. You didn’t have to bust a lung to get here.” Toni was still up against the back of a cafeteria chair trying to regain her breath. “I” Toni huffed and realized she still needed a moment before she could speak. “didn’t want you to leave before I got to see you.” She toughed it out and finished her sentence before plopping down on an uncomfortable silicon and wood chair. “I mean, I do have class I have to get to soon.” Her class started at 1:45 and it was already closing in on 1:30. Toni downed a glass of water and finally felt like the world was done spinning. “You look like you had a rough day. Want to talk about it?” Martha could read her like a book. It was both annoying and incredible heartwarming.</p><p>     “Practice was a bitch is all. It ran long and we ran so many laps and did so many drills. I think I’m going to be dreaming about perfect dribbling and passing.” It wasn’t a complete lie, practice had been bad. “But” Martha dragged out the t with one of her little smiles. “But I was on fire and looked hella good.” Toni gave her a high five. “That’s my girl” Martha returned the gesture with a soft look. “I’m so proud of you. I know it isn’t easy with this being your last season.” It was a subject that Toni didn’t feel like she was ready to talk about. No one talked about it in her apartment. As far as they were concerned, the last season together didn’t exist. “I just have to make the most of it.” Toni said dryly. She searched for something reliable to look at while she tried to ground herself. If she thought about the subject too much, she would fall apart. Her eyes fell to a familiar tall blonde who strolled in looking as put together as ever. Her eyes shined as she greeted her friends sitting at a large circular table.</p><p>     Shelby casually looked around and stopped to return Toni’s look. She quickly glanced away as if nothing had happened. “Where are you looking?” Martha tried to find the source of what had caught Toni’s complete attention. “You’re like a squirrel. I never see you that focused.” Martha must have caught sight cause she broke out into a wide grin. “The only one I really know at that table is Shelby. We’ve had a few classes together cause of how tied together biology and veterinarian is.” Martha casually spoke about her as if she was a long-lost friend. “Super friendly and always helpful whenever I had questions.” Toni didn’t know how to feel about that. “You sure it wasn’t just some act. Something to put on her resume when she goes deeper into her studies?” She was being unfair but she didn’t care. Martha glared at her, “Since when did you care about her and what she does?” Martha hated it whenever Toni lashed out at someone she deemed undeserving. When they were 10, Martha made Toni make a solemn vow to let her be her moral compass when it came to people.</p><p>     “Dunno, it just seems like everywhere I go there she is.” Toni poked at the hamburger that Martha had picked out for her upon her arrival. “Thanks for the food.” Toni mumbled out as she began to eat in order to avoid talking about the subject. “Fine be that way, although you are welcome for the food. We need to make sure you keep eating.” The motherly tone in Martha’s voice made Toni want to puke but she knew it was for her own good. “Yes mom, I promise that even when you aren’t here im eating my veggies and my greens.” Martha playfully slapped her and then pulled back in disgust. “Oh god I forgot you don’t shower before you come here. You stink.” Martha fake coughed and hurriedly got her things ready to leave. “Nah come on Marty don’t be that way. It’s the smell of success.” Toni grinned at the girl, completely aware that she looks like a hot stinky mess from the Texas heat.</p><p>     “Love you” Martha placed a kiss on Toni’s forehead and then made a ‘bleh’ sound as if she regretted the action. “You too Marty” Toni smiled and focused back on her food. When she glanced up, she found Shelby watching but rapidly turned her attention to something else said just as quickly.</p><p>     The week had come and gone. Actual classes would be starting soon and the time to party became more of a necessity rather than just a fun time waster. The socializing and the drinking kept her sane. The girls had convinced Rachel to be the designated driver. Apparently she had a favor with Dot that was waiting to be cashed in. “I wish Marty could come to these things.” Marty would come back from summer break early to spend time with Toni but more often than not she would be stuck studying for an online class she opted to take so she wouldn’t be bored. “That girl takes her studies so seriously.” Fatin commented while getting her make up done for their night back up to the A&amp;M side of town. “Like honey, your last summer as an undergrad is almost over and you want to be stuck studying with other nerds?” Fatin had come to really love Martha and wanted the world for her. She wanted Martha to find a significant other and a world beyond books and Toni.</p><p>     “She just wants to be the best that she can be. That woman is going to go places.” Toni smiled proudly at the statement. She knows that Martha is going to be a fantastic veterinarian. “You two are so gross. I love it.” Dot spoke matter of factly as she glanced down at her social medias. “Looking at pictures of Mateo again?” By now, Dot had successfully managed to find the name of the guy she hooked up with but couldn’t find it in her to send the friend request button. “No, I was checking my school emails to see if there was any assignments I was missing.” Dot moved the phone quickly into her pocket while giving Fatin the middle finger. “I mean at least you know his name now. That’s a huge plus.” Toni grinned at the sight of an embarrassed Dot. “You guys are the actual worst.”</p><p>     “No we aren’t.” Leah pushed through the half-closed door open using Dot’s clothes. Dot decided to go easy on the girls by calling her favor and saying they had to do her laundry and chores. Despite the complaints, they were done without any real malice. Dot and Leah always had a habit of wearing Fatin’s clothes so inevitably, her clothes were washed as well. Toni couldn’t get herself to do it. She liked her clothes just fine. She didn’t need all that girly monogrammed shit, she would say whenever Fatin offered any shred of clothing. If there was one thing Toni hated it was handouts. Whenever the subject was jokingly brought up, Fatin was always the fastest to change the subject into making it about her instead.</p><p>     Fatin would always give her a secret wink that was made just for her. If anyone took care of her in an emotional way besides Marty, it was Fatin. Maybe that’s what made her develop her intense platonic love for the crazy bitch in the first place. Dot was a closed second, but with Dot it was more physical security and a sense of warmth and purpose. Leah provided the awkward humor and always had a way of bridging any awkward gaps together. The four had truly become a family when Leah’s medicine was abruptly cut off and the negative side of her mental health came into the light. Those dark days are what led Rachel to see Leah for who she really was, a girl struggling just like the rest of us. If it wasn’t for Rachel’s perfectionist attitude, Toni was sure that Rachel would have just as easily made the group into 5. 6 if you count Nora who always seemed to tag along but got along just as well with everyone. Well, 7 if you count Marty whose sunshine made everyone feel like everything was going to be okay.</p><p>     Somewhere deep between thoughts, Toni realized she must have missed some joke or slip up cause the girls around her were howling with laughter. Toni faked laughed in order to seem like she was paying attention. “Oh so the small fry is paying attention” Dot messed with Toni’s hair and Toni let out a growl. “Hey, we talked about this. No touchy the hair.” Toni swatted away the intrusive hand. “I’m going to shower.” Toni gave the girls a middle finger as she left. Fuck she loved them.</p><p>     Somewhere along the way with the warm water and the feeling of serenity, Toni began to think of Shelby again. She wondered if her friends at A&amp;M made her feel loved and welcomed. She didn’t know how deep her friendship ran or if there was a friendship at all. In the midst of disassociating from the world around her, she began to imagine what it was like if Shelby joined their found family. Would she sing awful karaoke songs with Fatin? Would she willingly sit down with Dot to watch survival shows whenever Dot got emotional about her father? Would she discuss her favorite book with Leah who never seems to get enough of them? She put a halt to the thoughts before they went any further. Of course, Shelby was never going to be brought into their friend group. They were just way too different. Shelby chose this road when she got here and if she was as stubborn as she seemed, she was going to finish it.</p><p>     Toni talked big to herself despite the fact that she put a little more effort into her wardrobe. She didn’t have the money that Fatin had for decently looking party clothes, but she knew her body well. A low-cut shirt and tight skinny jeans was a good enough look on her while also showing her body off more than just a t-shirt and runned down pants. She stuck to her sneakers though. She couldn’t have anyone mistaken her for a straight woman after all. Fatin gave her a low whistle. “Damn girl, you know if I don’t meet any guys tonight I think I might have to consider maybe going to bed with you tonight.” Toni felt heat on her cheeks at the praise. “Yeah you look pretty good.” Leah gave her a thumbs up. Fatin was in a typical low dress and Leah was in a nice sweater with black slacks. Dot wore one of her nicer shirts and pants though she wasn’t as concerned with her looks. “You even brushed your hair.” Fatin joked around acting like she was about to touch her hair. “Oh no you don’t” Toni grabbed the closest hair brush from the counter and held it towards her. “One more step and this brush is going to find out what its like in a toilet bowl.”</p><p>      Fatin gasped, “You wouldn’t dare!” before Fatin was able to make a break for the hairbrush, there was 3 singular knocks and a kicking sound. “Just in time” Dot looked at her phone impressed. “I told Rach to be here by 6 and what do you know.” Dot got up and went to go let the midfielder in. “Let’s not get used to it, once we start having night practices and games, that warm embrace of fun is going to be out like a light.” Fatin snatched the hairbrush out of Toni’s hand while she was distracted. “Hey!” she was almost insulted by how easy she accidentally made that for her. “Okay you two behave or else I’ll be taking away that brush. Toni it’s her turn with it.” Leah talked to them slow and gentle like talking to two bickering second graders. “Thanks mom” Fatin winked at Leah and for a moment you could see a bit of pink cross her cheeks.</p><p>      What’s up assholes. Hope you don’t mind that I brought Nora.” Rachel had a bigger car than Dot so it wasn’t a problem at all that they had one more. “Doesn’t bother me” Leah grinned and welcomed her into the room. “I hope you guys don’t mind fireball. It’s my personal fav.” She brought out a medium size bottle of red liquor and Toni rubbed her hands together. “Oh hell yeah Nora, you brought the good stuff unlike last time.” Fatin glared at her fiercely, “I’ll have you know that was top shelf vodka. It’s not my fault you were a little pussy and didn’t drink much of it. Leah enjoyed it right?” The two had a habit of always teaming up against either Dot or Toni depending on the situation. “I mean, I always chose vodka as a last resort.” Toni snorted and the group fell into laughs. “Damn you just left Jadmani hanging like that?” Dot slapped her thigh and fell back onto Fatin’s bed. “I have never felt so betrayed in my entire life.” Fatin huffed and Leah gave her a satisfying smile. Toni watched with adoration. They were annoying but they were her family.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Sins and Tribulations</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Little fun update :) as always please drop a kudos or comment if you are enjoying yourself.</p><p>As always- the twitter to find me is: LetsTalkWilds</p>
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    <p>     The car ride was just as eventful. Rachel and Nora fell right alongside the group as if they were always meant to be apart of things. Rachel would give back just as much as she received. There was a thrill in engaging her in banter because everyone knew how much she enjoyed the competition. Nora began to gradually talk more as the ride progressed and the fireball bottle greatly depleted. “This is so much better than that vodka.” Toni grinned; she was always a bigger fan of tasty buzzes rather than gulping down something that might as well be rubbing alcohol. “Again, not my fault you’re a little bitch.” Fatin was sitting up front now so she could properly give directions to Rachel. Rachel had her phone on the dashboard showing her where to go but she made it clear that she needed verbal as well so she wasn’t just looking at a screen while driving. “Why are we even going to a party so far away when theres one literally every other mile away.” Nora said skeptical of everyone’s reasonings.</p><p>     “Because” Fatin drawed out the cause- prefix. “Some of us have unfinished business.” She winked towards Dot who was well on her way to a good buzz. “Oh you think I was an animal with Mateo sober, better wait til I’m good and drunk maybe then you got a chance with me.” Dot made a kissy face at her and Fatin mimicked her actions with adding her tongue into the air kiss. “You two are so gross.” Toni snickered and glanced over the Leah who was looking softly at Fatin. Dot, Nora, and Leah were in the middle row while Toni laid back in the back seat. It was a huge car compared to Dot’s old Nissan maxima from the 90’s. “I’m just ready to see those guys again. Maybe this time we can convince them to give us a little money.” Leah bent forward so she could get a better look at Fatin. “Now you want to be on my side huh? I’m still hurt by your earlier betrayal.” Fatin said dramatically even though everyone knew that it was a lie. “You’re just in luck that the dude who got my number last go around was a dick and I am in need of excellent company.” Fatin had a habit of playing around with peoples emotions, but she had a genuine tone of happiness to it.</p><p>     Toni remembered one conversation she had with Dot about how Fatin never really came to her with her baggage. It was always Leah who saw her at her lower points and was always there to help pick up the pieces. Dot and Fatin were best friends. There was no question that the two had created a loyal bond that would tie them to each other for many years to come. There was something different about Fatin and Leah though. Something soft and unspoken, like they were two pieces that shouldn’t have fit together and yet they fit perfectly in place. Fatin was always so caught up with guys and Leah was still struggling to come to terms with her past demons. Toni could only hope that the two would some day wake up and realize that maybe that love they desperately sought out was there all along.</p><p>     Or maybe they grow up to be those two ladies who never got married but always lived together with their two cats. Toni wasn’t going to interfere or create some sort of situation where they realized certain things. Just like Shelby, this wasn’t her place to do anything but sit and wait. “You don’t want to hustle some drunk college guys with me?” Leah gave her a long puppy dog look. Fatin withstood it for 3 seconds before she cracked. “Only if you let me choose the suckers.” Leah gave her a brilliant smile. “Rachel you better not ditch us 5 minutes in.” Dot poked fun at the driver who sent her a glare back. “I’m not much of a partier. Don’t forget that I’m doing this as a favor to you assholes.” Rachel glanced over to Nora as if to silently ask her to back her up. “Everyone has their own outlets. Some get wasted and others study” Nora said meekly, and Rachel couldn’t help but softly smile. The two had come a long way since they had hit their teenage years.</p><p>     “We all cope with the stress of school and expectations differently.” Leah motioned out as she sat back against the seat. The mood had shifted to a melancholier mood. “Nope, we are not doing this. We are not having a feely campfire moment when we are heading to a party. I am not letting you buzz killers ruin my good mood.” Dot opened her mouth, no doubt about to protest. “Yeah, theres more important things to talk about like how we might get to see what a drunk Nora looks like.” Toni spoke up before Dot had the chance to say anything. Dot sent her a look but Toni returned it back knowingly. They both know that if they let Leah go down the rabbit hole of her darker thoughts then it was nearly impossible to snap her out of it until she broke down enough on her own.</p><p>     Sometimes, talking about your own demons while drinking is helpful and therapeutic. For some people though, it can shine a light on demons you didn’t even know where hiding in plain sight.<br/>
The mood was back to its original upbeat with Leah tuning back into the conversation within 5 minutes of silence. Fatin shot Toni a grateful look. Toni nodded back in solidarity. Leah was not alone anymore, not while they were around. Toni could see every once and a while Rachel giving them smiles but pretending to be indifferent to their hysterics. She had come far from when they first met. Rachel was always so uptight that never in a million years would she be caught going to a party. Now, even if it was because of a returned favor, she looked almost happy to have been asked to go. Nora, Leah, and Dot were on their phones trying to figure out if Mateo was going to be at the party. Fatin and Rachel kept a steady banter going as they argued about what direction they should go versus what the navigator was telling them. “Don’t you want to have an adventure?” Fatin spoke dramatically, already significantly much drunker than this point in the previous party endevior.</p><p>     “No. No I don’t. I am not ending up in some Michael Myers bullshit just cause you want a tour of the city life.” Rachel swatted her hand away so she could focus on driving. “You are seriously no fun.” Fatin pouted and looked around to see if anyone was paying attention. Her eyes fell onto Leah who was eagerly invested in her phone and slapping Dot from across Nora’s lap. Nora laughed loudly and coward back so she could avoid the chaos. There was an emotion there that Toni could not quite place. If it was any sense of jealous, it was gone in a flash. “Alright children don’t make me come back there, cause I will.” Fatin went for her seatbelt. “Don’t you fucking dare Fatin.” Rachel yelled and everyone erupted into laughter. This was what they needed. A good party before the school year started and especially before the season started. Toni was more than comfortable just watching them from the back of the car in wonder of what she did to deserve these girls. If only Martha was with them.</p><p>     She glanced to the empty seat next to her. She could only wonder what it would be like if Shelby was there too cause she needed a ride or something. Toni blinked and shook her head. It didn’t matter. Shelby had ways to get back to campus without their help anyways.</p><p>     They arrived in good time and in good form. The uneasy feeling they had last go around was no where to be found. Toni felt the nerves begin to creep up on her. She was the one who asked to go again to this stupid party and she desperately tried to tell herself it was because she wanted to meet up with Kat again. It absolutely wasn’t because she was invested in who Shelby really was. Her breath quickened when she realized that there was a good chance that Shelby was going to be there. What if they saw her? It would technically be Toni’s fault. ‘No, Shelby is doing this in a public place, and we have just enough right to come back if we want to.’ She let out a sigh at the fact that her logic wasn’t helping her feel less unsteady. “Okay spill, what has got your lesbian boxers in a twist.” Dot strolled up to her as the others began to wave their goodbyes and head to the house. The music was so loud that she could hardly understand Dot.</p><p>     “Sorry what did you say?” Toni asked again for clarification, so she wasn’t just standing there like an idiot. “I said what the hell is up with you. You were quiet during most of the car ride and now you’re just staring at the door like its going to physically force you to kiss a guy.” Dot poked her shoulder and Toni chuckled nervously. “That’s two lesbian jokes in a row you’ve made. You trying to make a point?” It was meant to play off as a joke but Dot gave her a knowing smile. “Doesn’t have to do with that pretty girl you were dancing with?” Toni’s throat dried up a little bit or maybe that was the alcohol. “You saw that?” She regretted her words as soon as they came out. Of course the sober one had checked up on them during the party. “Do you even have to ask?” The playful smile morphed into a more concerned look. “What else did you see?” She couldn’t have this conversation with her mind so disorganized but she had to know if Dot was trying to hint at something. “Jeez chill out. I saw you dancing practically on top of a girl and then I watched Leah and Fatin dance with some guys and play drinking games with Mateo.” Her face began to get a little red at the unspoken knowledge of what had happened after said drinking games.</p><p>     “So nothing else?” She should have just nodded her head, make a dumb joke about the cute girl, and bail. Instead, she continued to look at Dot and couldn’t stop her face from looking so concerned. “No, nothing else. Toni you’re starting to worry me.” Dot hadn’t had as much as her so of course she was still able to play the respected friend group father figure. “Oh sorry, yeah im okay. I had met another girl but she isn’t really out so I can’t talk about it.” She hoped that Dot would get the message. Fatin would have tried to pry that can open with a fork if she had the chance. Leah would somehow make it about her past struggles, much to Toni’s annoyance. “You tell us when they’re ready. No pressure. Okay well this is the part where I tell you to go get laid cause it’s a party.” Dot shoved her towards the door and left to go do her own thing.</p><p>     Maybe Dot hadn’t seen Shelby and she was worried over nothing. She didn’t even know why she cared. She shoved her hands into her jean pockets and opened the door. The music was loud and there were just as many people there as the previous time. Toni scanned the room for familiar faces but her girls were no where to be found. For being such a close group of friends, they really didn’t have any problems leaving one another to find some new company. She can only imagine how Nora and Rachel are fairing in such a college movie scene. “Well well well, looks like you decided to come back after all.” Toni smirked at the voice that was close to her ear for the purposes of being able to hear past the loud music. “What can I say, they had good alcohol.” She turned her head and looked at Kat’s dark brown eyes. She was always a fan of brown-eyed girls. “I saw your friends come in with some new people. We must have made quite the first impression.” Kat’s hair was braided and up but the red and black color scheme still remained. Her makeup was gorgeous, Fatin would have been so jealous of it if she was standing next to her.</p><p>     “They liked it. Dot didn’t want to be stuck being designated driver so we had to go find some fresh blood who would.” Toni smirked back, they were flirting. Toni felt confident and looked around the room to gauge if her friends were anywhere in sight. “If you’re looking for Sasha, she’s basically at the opposite end with some of her friends. They smoke and do must of their wacky shit away from the crowds cause we banned them from doing it in the living room ages ago.” Kat huffed and rolled her eyes at whatever memory she was having. “Do you live here?” It piqued her interest once Shelby was mentioned and she hated how engaged she sounded. Kat must have picked up on it by the way her eyes glistened with engrossment. “My older brother, Jaydon, owns the house. Sometimes he comes to these things but for the most part he just lets us do our thing since he works a lot.” Kat tugged her hand towards the kitchen to get her further away from the music and into better talking range.</p><p>     “That’s cool that he lets you get to do things like this. I can’t imagine what its like to leave your house knowing that complete strangers are potentially tearing it up.” Toni let herself be led by the enticing girl. She could feel a friendship start to develop between them. She told herself a hundred times that she needed to make friends outside her usual group and Martha. Maybe this was the world trying to tell her that she wasn’t just a miserable soccer addict and someone could find her interesting after all. “Ha well, this has been a tradition since Jay went to school here. He is kind of a big deal on campus, so people help enforce certain rules when things get out of hand.” She began to expertly fix Toni a drink that was some weird mixture of a fruity cocktail and yet straight liquor. “A bartender after my own heart I see.” Toni took the drink and took a breath before taking a large gulp.</p><p>      “Whoa slow down there tiger, I make pretty strong Manhattan’s.” Kat laughed and Toni was really growing fond of the sound of it. Toni’s taste buds were already dimmed but it functioned enough to tell her that she liked what she had. “Strong, but delicious.” Toni gave an approving smile and took a sip instead of a gulp. “Atta girl, too many of those and you’ll be passed out on the bathroom floor by midnight.” Kat winked at her. She wasn’t wrong. Last party, her and Dot had to carry an unconscious Fatin who fell asleep singing ‘Drunk in Love’ mid-lyric. Leah was just as bad as she swayed and consistently kept falling down laughing. Apparently 4 years of college really hadn’t changed much in terms of their party habits. “I have a pretty solid alcohol tolerance you know.” She pushed her shoulder playfully. She could do this. She could have this one relationship where she just has fun and refuses to fuck it up.</p><p>     They are touchier than they were last time. Toni finds herself paying more attention to Kat’s stories and ends up sharing a few of her own. It was incredible how easy it was to talk to her even though sharing isn’t exactly Toni’s strong suit. Toni is leaned in and taking up some of Kat’s personal space while they talk. Amongst the rush of people coming and going throughout the kitchen, someone catches her attention from the corner of her eye. Her eyes land on the same familiar blonde who she saw last time. She could practically see her seething though something was off about it. She looked unbalanced and her jaw was clinched but her eyes were glazed over. She didn’t have the intense stare she had seen before. Shelby must have said screw it because she stormed over and grabbed Toni roughly before tugging her away. “Wait fuck, you can’t just drag me away!” Toni tried to yank herself free but wow had she underestimated how strong Shelby was. She tried to look to Kat for help but Kat was too busy watching with amusement. She waved and winked at her. “You better bring her back to me soon!” Kat called out and drank the last bit of Toni’s drink.</p><p>      “I thought I made myself perfectly clear that I didn’t want you guys here. What the fuck Toni. You talked so big about minding my own privacy and not saying anything and yet here you are dragging your gossipy soccer girls here.” Shelby couldn’t focus on her and she seemed so dazed that her words didn’t have the bite that they should have. “You’re really fucked up aren’t you.” Toni felt that same bundle of regret begin to build up. “No, what’s fucked up is you coming back when I don’t want you here.” Shelby put more effort into her words so they contained more venom and less droopy. “We had a good time last time and some of the girls met guys. I don’t know what you want from me since this is a very public party in a huge house.” Toni outstretched her hands to show that even though they are having an argument, not a single soul was looking at them.</p><p>      “If you didn’t come back to out me then why come back at all? To fuck Kat and rub it in my face that you can do that freely no matter where you go?” Shelby moved closer to her to where their faces were roughly 5 inches apart. Toni scrunched her eyebrows in confusion but her anger got the better of her. “Yeah sure why not. When Kat and I talk we have an amazing time and she is hot as hell.” Toni moved closer and could now see the clear detail in Shelby’s eyes. The way her bloodshot eyes brought out the light green in a way that was devastatingly beautiful. Toni had seen it too many times in her own mother to ponder on its beauty though. “Fine then. I don’t care. Just keep your friends away from me.” Shelby walked off and grabbed the hand of a girl who looked like she was waiting for her to finish her conversation. Shelby made sure to kiss her roughly and spun her a bit so that when she looked up during the kiss, Toni was the first thing she saw.</p><p>       Toni’s jaw twitched and she felt a competitive need to do something to retaliate. Toni kept her eyes on Shelby as she walked backwards and turned to go back to Kat. “Let’s dance.” Toni grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the direction that Shelby was. She made a distinct motion of showing Shelby exactly what she was planning on doing by leading Kat to the dance floor. Their dance was different than it was last week. Last week it was like two teenagers getting a feel for one another and testing waters for what worked and what didn’t. This time, it was intense and less graceful. Kat didn’t question the new atmosphere. It was something that Toni liked about her. She went with things rather than argue or demand answers. Kat began to grind on her with the rhythm matching the beat of some R&amp;B song she didn’t know the name of. If she wasn’t so caught up in the moment, she probably would have added it to her playlist.</p><p>      Toni caught Shelby’s eye from across the room and watched the blonde drag her one-night stand of the night to where the college kids were dancing. She watched her fully retaliate by firmly pressing her hands on the girls exposed waist and kissing down her neck. Her eyes never leaving Toni as she did so. There was an electric current going through her system and she knew she stood no chance on denying it. She was impulsive. She was reckless. She liked the danger of getting caught in a situation that could get out of her control. Kat was currently grinding on her from behind and Toni reached up to grab her from the back of the neck and pulled her forward. The kiss was everything that Toni wanted. It was messy and satisfied that hunger at building towards something she didn’t know she wanted. She watched Shelby’s reaction with a raised eyebrow and smirked into the kiss.</p><p>      She could see the displeased look on Shelby’s face but watched as Shelby tried harder to practically get her partner off in the middle of the dance floor. Toni had never felt this way before. For a few moments it was just them, trying to out-do each other. She would never admit it out loud that watching Shelby was starting to turn her on. “Having fun?” Kat whispered into her ear as she put her hands underneath Toni’s shirt and scratched her nails down her abs. “You have no idea” Toni had to stop herself from making a noise at the instant pain to pleasure gratification. She glanced over to Shelby to see her partner have her hands going down her back. They were nearly in sync with each other, but with different people. Shelby’s eyes were dark and Toni could only smirk at knowing she had gotten to her. For a split second, Toni wished it was her that was touching her.</p><p>      They danced like that for a while before Shelby took her partner by the hand and led her out of the room much to Toni’s displeasure. Shelby sent her a wink with a smirk. When she was out of sight, Toni eased up on Kat. “You know a room where we can be alone?” Kat looked equally dazed from their actions and nodded her head without a word.</p><p>      Toni pushed Kat up against the wall of a random bedroom. If Toni had paid any more attention, she would have noticed it was Kat’s bedroom. She only had one goal in mind though and Kat was just as eager to fulfil it. They have sex just like that. Toni’s hand shoved under her red dress and black laced underwear. Clearly someone came into the party with the intention of getting laid. Toni proceeded to fuck her up against the door with her mouth pressed against her neck. It was nice for all that it was. Having the control of having a girl come undone by her touch gave her a rush of euphoria. It wasn’t enough though and she knew it. They stop short of 2 am. Toni feels the exhaustion begin to set in. “You know you could always stay the night? I could give you a ride tomorrow?” Kat spoke delicately while she began to lit a cigarette. “Wish I could. I have practice at like 7 am” Toni groaned out as she started to get her pants back on.</p><p>      Kat let out a drag and whistled low. “You sport enthusiast really do like to make interesting decisions.” Toni opened her mouth to apologize, she gradually came down from her alcohol induced lust and now felt the guilt. “You don’t have to say anything. I get it. If this is your way about blowing off steam about some girl well.” She drawled off and reached over for a piece of paper that was on her desk and a pen. She scribbled something down and handed it to a now fully dressed Toni. “Your phone number?” Toni looked up at her and then laughed. “I guess chivalry isn’t dead after all.” She brought out her phone and typed in the number to save it. She had a few missed text from the girls with questionable thumbnails of videos that she absolutely would have to save for blackmail. “Hey. Before you go, I want to make it clear that I’m not looking for anything serious. No feelings kinda deal.” Toni felt like there was a lot of weight behind Kat’s words. Something that she had yet to delve into.</p><p>      “Neither am I. If you’re okay with this then.” Toni trailed off and nodded towards the door. “I should probably get back to my friends before they start banging down every door until they find us.” Kat gave her an unreadable smile. “You’ll have to introduce us sometime. It’ll give you a nice alibi for coming to see Sasha.” Toni wanted to question why Kat was so cool with everything. Was it a set up? Was she really just looking for a hook up? Her phone began to buzz in her hand and Dot’s face flashed onto her screen. “Speak of the devils.” Kat smirked as she put out her cigarette in the ash tray and started to put on a night shirt. Toni had to admit that she looked really good in just a long black shirt. “I’ll text you?” Toni motioned towards her phone when she realized that Kat didn’t have her number.</p><p>      “Don’t worry I won’t ghost you. Now don’t you have somewhere to be.” Kat pointed at the phone that started to abruptly buzz again. “Yeah, so uh, bye.” The confidence that buzzed Toni had a few hours prior was no where to be found. All that was left was an awkward Toni who undoubtedly had marks on her back from her previous endeavor. “Make sure to wear something long to cover up your back too.” Kat joked as Toni was shutting the door. She felt a chill go down her spine thinking about it. She looked around cautiously. She proceeded to call back Dot. “You fucker, where have you been?” Dot laughed and Toni could tell that woman had been hitting the liquor aisle.</p><p>      “Just making a new friend. Nothing much.” She said casually as she grinned. She was never one for casual sex but she was always up for trying new things. “Wait is that Toni? Give me the phone.” She overheard Fatin in the background and rolled her eyes. “Ayyy girl you get laid yet?” they were going to be in so much trouble. It was 2:15 am and they had to report to the field by 7:15. “More importantly what are you going to do when you’re still drunk off tequila and trying to defend in drills.” She tried to remember the exact path that Kat had led her down. The house felt like it got bigger and bigger with each moment. No wonder none of the girls even caught sight of Shelby beforehand. “Oh shit” She heard Dot giggle to Fatin. “Dude we’re absolutely trashed.” They laughed hysterically at the comment like it was brand new information.</p><p>      Toni wanted to respond, instead she was met with Rachel’s voice on the other line. “We were supposed to leave 2 hours ago. Get your ass back here and help me deal with these idiots.” Toni jolted back from the tone. “She hung up on me.” Toni gasped as the call was shown to have ended. “I can’t believe she hung up on me before she even told me where they were.” She talked to herself in astonishment at her friends audacity and trust that she was sober enough to make her way over. It took 15 minutes to find the front door. It might have been a shorter excursion if it wasn’t for the fact that Toni had spent more time than necessary scanning hallways and corners to make sure she was going the right way. Not that she was looking for anything or anyone else in particular besides her found family.</p><p>      10 minutes into the walk and she met eyes with a flustered Shelby who was pressed up against a wall by herself. “You look like hell.” Toni glanced down at her phone and cursed at the fact that she really did have to go. She would sleep on the drive back but she knows she would never hear the end of it from Rachel if she didn’t get back as soon as possible. “I feel like it.” Shelby rubbed her temples. “Alcohol and drugs shouldn’t mix together. The dehydration is brutal and they make withdrawal symptoms so much worse.” Toni spoke matter of factly. She was too drained to start an argument. “Oh? How would you know?” She judged by her tone and wording that Shelby was just as drained. “Mother has been in and out of rehab for as long as I can remember. I used to come home from school and she’d be passed out on the floor or needle deep in heroin.” It casually flowed off her tongue like it was the easiest thing to talk about.</p><p>      Shelby met her gaze but didn’t say anything. “I need to go. See you around though?” Shelby laughed and continued to massage her temples. “Yeah, you probably will.” Toni wasn’t sure if that’s how things were supposed to go. Weren’t they supposed to argue and constantly ask questions that the other either doesn’t answer or asks another question? Maybe find a random girl to get their frustrations out of? It felt so civil and so unlike them. She left without another word but looked back for a moment before she was out of sight. Shelby was still watching her.</p><p>      They get back by 4 am and Rachel has sworn off every going to a party with them again. Fatin and Dot are practically spooning in the middle seat and Leah is watching over them to make sure they don’t choke on any vomit. “I can’t believe you let them drink that much.” Toni looked at them with concern. They knew they had practice the next day. “I can’t believe yall kept me up past 4 am when we should have been back hours ago.” Rachel spoke with annoyance in her tone. “Let them be” Nora slurred out from her position in the far back seat. Nora laid down with her head on Leah’s lap and Leah’s fingers playing with Nora’s hair. “They just want to have some fun.” Yeah she was gone as well. “Excuse me for wanting to put my health first for once. We’re going to be so exhausted when this day is over.” Rachel groaned and Toni could feel the car go faster. “Could be worse, you could be them.” Toni pointed at the two in question. “they are going to feel like absolute trash once they wake up from their nap.”</p><p>      “Watch Fatin be completely fine. I swear she never gets hangovers.” Leah decided to drink a moderate amount enough for a buzz but stopped at her limit. Dot and Fatin on the other hand had no limit. If it wasn’t for Shelby, Kat, and soccer, Toni didn’t doubt that she would be just as plastered and unconscious. Turns out, Leah was absolutely correct. Upon waking up when they arrived at campus, Fatin woke up perfectly fine and ready to sleep briefly in a real bed. Dot was not as fortunate. The first thing Dot did upon stepping out was puke in the nearby bushes. “I dunno about you guys but I had a wonderful nap.” Fatin gave a winning smile and a wave. “Night ladies, if I skip practice to sleep, remember that I had a family emergency.” She was off dramatically as she blew them a kiss good night. “I really don’t know how she does it.” Leah groaned exhaustingly and followed in her footsteps.</p><p>      “Arent you going to help?” Toni pointed at a sickly Dot who gave a weak thumbs up. “Not in your lifetime.” Rachel muttered as she carried a sleeping Nora on her shoulders. Rachel opted not to wake her up. She didn’t have a practice to get to in 3 hours. “I was with them almost all night. Well, with Fatin at least.” Leah shrugged and mumbled a ‘good luck’. “Okay Dottie, up and at em.” Dot was much bigger than Toni and Toni had to put everything in her to hoist her up. “Thanks dude.” Dot slurred and gave Toni a messy kiss on the head. “You’re the best.” Dot smiled and the two begrudgingly walked up to the elevator. “You so owe me.” Toni spoke as the doors shut.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Fool's Gold</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Last chapter for a bit. Work keeps me busy but i'll try to get writing done when I get home late at night. Enjoy the AU that i've fallen in love with. </p><p>twitter: LetsTalkWilds. Comment and all that with your thoughts if you'd like. I'm always open to criticism.</p>
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    <p>             Practice was an absolute nightmare. Toni felt the exhaustion seep itself into every part of her as she ran drills. Fatin made everything look easy as if she had gotten an 8-hour restful sleep. For as much of a slacker as she pretends to be, she really did put her all into everything she did. She was practically a prodigy when it came to defending and stripping balls away from attackers. Maybe it was her athletic build or her strategic mindset. Toni would never admit it out loud, but if Fatin gave up her princess act, she could actually be a really good captain. Some of their most frustrating moments in-game were resolved by Fatin’s creative plays and excellent directing for the defense line. Dot was pulled out of practice after a measly 10 minutes. Coach gave her the order that she was going to have to come back later for one-on-one goalie drills. Toni grimaced when she heard him say it. Those drills were intense, and half their purpose was to scare the players into coming back the next day with less attitude or vodka in their system.</p><p>         Leah faired better than Dot but not as much. She was less focused, and her touches often got stolen or were off their mark. “For fucks sake Leah” Their coach rubbed his forehead with his hand after watching another pass fail to meet its mark and instead went to the offensive end. “Sorry coach, I’ll try harder.” She would for a few minutes before the fatigue hit her again. Toni gave her a pat on the back after a play that showed Toni stripping her of the ball and effortlessly making a goal on the subbed in goalie. “You’re such a showoff.” Leah huffed but Toni knew there was no malice. This was division I soccer. Everyone knew that Toni always gave it her all. If it wasn’t for her temper then she would have taken Coach Reynolds up on his offer for her to be captain. She rejected it though and opted for co-captain instead. Dot was their leader on the field. She just scored goals and looked pretty doing it.</p><p>         Rachel was an absolute monster to deal with though. She clearly didn’t handle the lack of sleep very well. “Layla if you aren’t going to take this seriously then get out of the drill.” She heard Rachel bark out after watching two second string attackers laugh at a simple joke. Rachel was like that the entire practice. If someone showed an ounce of fun, she was there to trample on it. “Note to self, we are never taking that girl with us to a party again if we have practice the next day.” Fatin whispered into Toni’s ear. Toni nodded and used her hand to cover the laugh that involuntarily came out. Fatin took a moment before continuing. “You think Nora would want to come back with us?” She didn’t realize they would want to go back at all. It was very rare that they went to the same kind of party more than once. “I mean we can always ask. You want to go back?” Toni juggled the ball expertly as an excuse to not look at her.</p><p>         “I liked it. We don’t know anyone up there and they don’t know us. It’s the perfect time to branch out. I know Dot did. Judging by the back of your neck, looks like you did too.” Fatin smirked at her and Toni instantly groaned. She had covered her neck with concealer but completely forgot about the back portion. She even opted to wear an actual soccer sanctioned t-shirt rather than just her sports bra and pinnie. “I always knew you had it in you.” Fatin winked at her as she finished taking a sip of water and ran back onto the field. As far as practices go, it was pretty abysmal, and coach was not shy on letting them hear about it. The last 30 minutes of the first and second practice was spent running sprints and long-distance conditioning. It was almost enough for her to regret going to the party. Almost.</p><p>         ‘This hell day is over!” Fatin shouted in the locker room with a group of exhausted girls wooing back with less enthusiasm. “I don’t get it. You two drank a shit ton but you seem completely normal.” Leah wrapped herself around Fatin and rested her chin on her shoulder. They were so used to seeing each other coated in sweat that the idea of it no longer phased them. “Oh my sweet princess.” Fatin leaned back into her embrace and entangled their hands together. “I am just that amazing.” She said sweetly and Leah let go with an eye roll. “Anyone ever tell you that you’re pretty full of yourself?” It was a playful jab and Toni’s eyebrow raised in curiosity. “I prefer to call it confidence.” Fatin poked her nose and proceeded to strip in order to go take a shower. Rachel strolled over after awkwardly fiddling with her hands. She had a habit of doing so after coming down from whatever cranky mood she was in. “I wish I had half that girl’s energy. That bitch could probably run for president if she didn’t spend all her free time lusting after guys.” They were used to Rachel’s 180’s from angry beast on the field to more social able in the locker room. If anyone had any grudges against Rachel for what she said in practice, they let them melt away.</p><p>         “I could see her accidentally sleeping with some senator and next thing she knows theres a cult following on twitter demanding she run the government.” Leah watched Fatin saunter away and took a deep breath. Rachel looked from Leah to Fatin and back to Leah. Her mouth was open and she wanted to make a crude joke but she couldn’t formulate the right way. Toni burst out laughing from her facial expression. “What’s so funny?” Leah turned back and looked at them innocently. “Nothing just uh Rachel has this droopy look on her face sometime.” Toni covered for her and Rachel must have caught on. “What is that supposed to mean? You know what, I’m going to go shower at my own place. See you losers tomorrow.” She tossed up a middle finger at them and pushed herself through the heavy doors. “She can be such a bitch sometimes on the field. It’s hard to hate her though.” Leah started to gather her stuff up to go strip and shower. “Some people want to win games more than they want to win popularity competitions.”</p><p>        “You two have that in common. You’re so alike and yet so different at the same time.” Leah shrugged her shoulders and headed off to get washed off. Toni smelled herself and reared her head back. She wreaked of sweet. Toni was always a quick shower and was finished before Fatin could even start to properly wash herself off. Not that it surprised anyone, Fatin would take hour long showers if they let her. Fatin and Dot had no shame about their bodies, but Leah and Toni had every intention to get in and out of the shared showers.  </p><p>        Toni waited approximately five minutes before deciding to leave to go get McDonalds. The ultimate college kids cure to fatigue. She stretched her arms and yawned as she left the gym. Her bones ached from the grind of conditioning and practicing technique. She couldn’t drive herself so she settled for walking the 2 miles it took to get to the McDonalds just up the road from the field. Whoever decided to put it there must be swimming in cash. She had her hands stuffed in her blue and gray camo shorts and a regular soccer tank top on. Now that she was out of practice she didn’t feel any need to cover herself up. She was a mile into the walk before she started to hear shouting coming from a car. The familiar Texan accent was clear even in its muffled state. “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” Shelby emerged from the car and slammed the door. “If you’re going to get fucked up on a daily basis then you can fucking forget about me.” Andrew shouted from the driver’s seat and Shelby proceeded to flip him off.</p><p>        “So mature.” She heard him groan as he began to drive off. Toni’s brisk walked slowed to a stop as she watched Shelby yell curses at the car and stomped her foot in anger. Shelby hadn’t turned around to examine her surroundings before digging in her pocket for something. Instead of pulling out a phone, she pulled out a box. “You know your father would have a heart attack if he heard your sailor mouth just now.” Shelby slowly turned around with a cigarette dangling from her front teeth. Toni had to stop herself from expressing the thoughts in her head. Shelby Goodkind in a yellow sundress with a cig in her mouth was something she hadn’t expected to see on her way to get a cheeseburger. Shelby must have no felt the same as she rapidly turned around and rapidly flicked the lighter. “Why is it that we don’t see each other in our daily lives the entire time we’re here and now suddenly you’re popping up everywhere.” Shelby exhaled loudly in frustration at the lighter not doing its job correctly. “Im not stalking you. I just wanted to get a burger and this road leads to the main road.” Toni inched closer to get a good look at Shelby.</p><p>         She looked disgruntled and tired. Her hair wasn’t as neat and orderly as it usually was. If she had to tag a metaphor with the way the girl was looking, it was that her perfectionist mask was cracking wide open. After finding success with her task at hand, Shelby took a long puff of her cigarette and let it out. Toni forced herself to look away or else she was going to be caught staring shamelessly. “I always need a good joint after I deal with Andrew.” She motioned at it and took another hit. “Wow and here I thought you only did drugs when you were at A&amp;M?” Based on the smell, she was incorrect about her original thought. The smell of weed always made her want to gag. It reminded her of foster parents and broken homes. “Weed shouldn’t even be counted as an illegal drug especially with it legal in several now.” Shelby answered as she offered her joint to Toni. “I’ll pass.” She had tried weed before and didn’t like it. Edibles she was fine with but smoking it was a different story.</p><p>         “Never expected you to not be into that kind of thing.” “Yeah well there’s a lot about each other that we don’t know.” They stayed quiet for a second. “He caught me with some cocaine earlier.” She didn’t look at Toni as she admitted it out loud. “I’m amazed he didn’t break up with me then and there. Instead it turned into this big make-out session. Guess the danger turned him on. When we stopped, he tried to play the big ole protective boyfriend role and told me that I should talk to him about where I got it and how long I had been keeping it a secret from him.” Her jaw tightened and Toni was fixated on the how sharp her jawline was especially when she was upset and whenever she exhaled smoke. “Coke isn’t exactly a healthy coping mechanism.” Toni expressed honestly and Shelby rolled her eyes. “Yeah but its better than going through this life sober. It’s hard to be preppy and perfect without a stimulant sometimes.” Maybe Andrew was on to something when he tried to intervene. Usually the guy was an out right prick but maybe this would be the one thing the two could agree on.</p><p>         "He’s a hypocrite if you ask me. I know for a fact that he has a few pills of ecstasy in his room.” She said matter-of-factly and stomped out the remaining bud. “He is only trying to look out for you.” She couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. “He cares more for his reputation. Daddy has set connections for him to get started on an internship in the Senate once the fall season comes around.” Shelby started walking up the road and looked back. “You coming?” Toni must have stared at her a little too long. “Smoking always makes me hungry.” It was an open invitation for Toni to come with her to get some food. In a public place no doubt. “Do you have feelings for him?” She doesn’t know why that was the first question that came out of her mouth. Shelby gives a light chuckle. “Not really. He has been my best friend for a while but once Daddy started putting pressure on me to date him then there wasn’t much I could do.” Shelby didn’t have a say in her dating life. Her dad was essentially a puppeteer who wanted the perfect family with perfect careers.</p><p>         It’s ironic to think that his perfect daughter has defied him at every corner and he had no idea. “It’s disgusting that you didn’t have a choice. Sorry about that.” She never knew how to respond to family issues. She scratched the back of her neck and could only hope that she didn’t seem too out of place in the conversation. “The idea of having sex with him is the worst part. Everything else is something I can deal with.” Toni thought about how handsy Shelby was with the girls she had seen her with. The question was on her tongue but she didn’t know how to ask it. How do you ask someone if they’re a lesbian when just that previous night you both strove to great lengths to make each other jealous? The hazy memories came crashing back to her. Oh god she really needed to text Kat and ask her how bad she was. “I do like girls. A lot.” Shelby answered for her and let out a breath.</p><p>        “I never had any interest in guys. It’s super unfortunate when you remember who my parents are. Still, being their kid has their perks.” She joked and smiled softly at Toni. “You know this is supposed to be awkward considering what went on last night, right?” Shelby looked at her blankly for a while and then her face gradually got redder. “Oh” She said out loud as if she was remembering pieces of a forgotten story. “Let’s just pretend that never happened and we’re all set.” She walked a little faster so she wasn’t next to Toni. “We can try that all we want. Doesn’t mean it never happened.” Toni looked around and didn’t see a single soul besides the occasional car that passed by. She sped up her pace to keep herself from falling behind. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She knew she had to settle for this answer. Internalized homophobia came in different shapes and sizes. She saw it with Ragen and she is seeing it now with Shelby. “Whatever. Stay ashamed.” Toni was growing grouchy from her intense practice and hungry stomach.</p><p>         “I am not ashamed!” Shelby abruptly stopped and spun around. Her breathing was rugged and she looked like she was begging for a fight. This was the same girl who she watched give out Jesus pamphlets and offered students advice to incoming freshmen on how to survive college. The same girl who played out life like she had this amazing boyfriend and loving parents. Toni was finally starting to see the clear picture on what was destroying the girl from the inside out. Still, old habits died hard. “Could have fooled me the way you handle your problems with being gay by turning to inhibitors.” Shelby grabbed her by the back of the neck and pulled her forward. She could feel Shelby’s breath on her lips and her forehead up against hers. Shelby’s nails dug into the back of her neck and it stung in the best way possible. Her eyes shuttered closed and she braced herself for the kiss. It never came.</p><p>         Shelby’s fingers dragged along the sides of her neck and she pulled away. Toni’s eyes fluttered open and she felt silly for wanting to drag Shelby back. “I am not ashamed of anything.” Shelby whispered and stepped away. The mixture of weed and vanilla was a combination that left a mark on her. “When I graduate, I’m going to leave this state behind. I’ll become who I was meant to be and not who they want to be. Until then, I’ll play my role.” She felt the raw intimacy of the moment. Their polar dynamics constantly switched between content and intense so often that it was giving her whiplash and starting to take her breath away. “I hope you find happiness.” Toni found her voice and meant what she said. There was worse than living a life that left you feeling hollow. She spent years of her life feeling that way. “I guess we’re going to have to wait and see.” She shrugged her shoulders and kept walking. “If there’s something I learned from shitty foster homes. It’s that sometimes we have to find our own happiness for ourselves. We can’t let someone else find it for us.” They walked in silence the rest of the way.</p><p>        There was something about fries and a good burger that just made everything better. “You look like you haven’t eaten in days. Slow down and chew.” Shelby looked at her questionable and equally interested in how someone could eat like their life depended on it. “I had 2 three-hour practices. I only ate cereal. I’m fucking hungry.” Toni ignored her looks and continued to shove food into her mouth. Somehow she convinced Shelby into paying for her meal cause on her current budget she would have only been able to afford a medium fry. Her pride did take a little bit of a dip, but it was quickly forgotten by the greasy goodness. “Isn’t eating and keeping your calorie intake up somewhat of a requirement when you work out as much as you do?” Toni shrugged her shoulders. “It honestly depends on if you can afford the lifestyle or not. I always bummed food from Martha. The only reason im even allowed to go here is cause the school pays for me to be here.” Without a job, she was living off of benefits given from the government because of her earlier home life situation.</p><p>        “Getting a full ride here is pretty impressive. We still have to pay a fortune for it even though I have good number of scholarships.” Shelby took her time to eat and thoroughly enjoy the fast food. Judging by her history with pageants and strict parents, she was probably not allowed to eat this stuff very often. “Sometimes being a foster kid with athletic ability comes in handy. I remember your parents were really eager to have me participate in their charities when I first got here.” She smirked at her. “Sure didn’t last long when they realized that I really loved women.” Shelby got really interested in dipping her fries into the small paper tub of ketchup. “They certainly aren’t your biggest fans. Daddy used to talk about how much a waste of talent you were. For a while, I thought so too. Especially when I saw you get into those fights on the field. It wasn’t until I met Hailee and some friends sophomore year that things got easier.”</p><p>        “In my personal defense, it’s very easy to get heated when a girl has slid a literal spike into your ankle on purpose. It’s a brutal world. I’m just trying to go out there and show them that they don’t know the game the same way I do.” Toni waved around a rogue soft fry and pointed it dramatically at Shelby who giggled under her hand. “Soccer has always been my safe haven. When I’m on that field I can do anything.” She said as she looked up at the ceiling and her eyes shown in the passion she had for the game. “How long have you been playing?” She was listening intently to Toni. At this rate they can almost pass as friends. “Since I was at least 5 years old. I didn’t get to sign up for any clubs but mom would often drop me off at the soccer fields and I would like pretend I was part of the drills so I watched and practiced on my own.” Shelby nodded her head and frowned at the sentence. “She just left you there all alone?” For a moment Toni thought about it. To her, it was only natural that her mom left her alone for hours on end while she went to go chase her high or run after some guy for money.</p><p>        “Yep.” She popped the p sound for dramatic effect. “Sometimes they would even let me join practices when they were in need of subs. I had a coach that took time out of his day to start teaching me. Turns out he was one of those retired coaches from the women’s national team.” She looked really pleased with herself and the confidence shown whenever she got on the field. “That’s actually really cool. He must have saw the potential in you.” Toni could feel her ego inflate at the idea. “I am pretty good. I’ve gotten invited to plenty of tournaments for girls with potential to go to national level, but I just don’t have the cash.” Toni looked at the window and scowled at the harsh reminder of how unfair the world is. “We really do come from opposite worlds.” Shelby’s look was softer than she had seen it before. Up until now all their conversations were instigated by something stronger than themselves. Now it just felt like two people who were caught up in the world around them.</p><p>        “You don’t seem too worried about anyone recognizing us at least.” She meant it as a half joke but it didn’t stop the reality of things even if they were on good terms right now. “No one I know would come to this dump of a restaurant. Andrew would have a fit if he saw me in here.” The restaurant was probably one of the best McDonalds she had ever been in. The staff was just the only unpleasant thing about it. She shrunk down in here seat. Of course Shelby had been to fancy 4 star restaurants with real gourmet steaks. She began to fidget with her hands. She only did it when she was nervous or the pit in her stomach was telling her that she was losing control over her emotions. It happened whenever she felt like she was about to do something stupid. “Toni” Shelby called loudly and Toni’s head shot up. “Yeah?” Shelby must have been trying to get her attention cause she had a hand waving in her face. “I’ve been trying to get your attention for like 3 minutes.” Toni swallowed and began to think of a lie. “I was just thinking about how stressful the school year is going to be. I have to take all the advance trigonometry classes that I’ve been putting off.”</p><p>        “I don’t know how you can stand doing so much math. I took my statistics class and got the hell away from any math subjects.” Toni smiled softly and shook her head. “It’s just that math is reliable. 1+1 will always equal two. In mechanical engineering, you get the right formula and your set. You can create an entire masterpiece as long as you follow pre-made guidelines.” No one ever asks her about her major. Fatin and the girls always complain that when Toni starts talking about it, she proceeds to shift into nerd mode. “Not to mention the projects are super hands on so I’m never bored.” She wanted to burst with talking about how mechanical engineers make a shit ton of money for fixing rich people’s toys. She could probably learn how to take apart a car and put it back together again just easily as learning to ride a bike. Shelby looked at her with amazement. “I thought you were just some fitness obsessed soccer player. I didn’t take you for someone who genuinely loved their major.”</p><p>        She thought for a moment before responding, “Soccer won’t last forever, not for me, no matter how good I am. Graduating from this school gives me a chance to get a good paying job. A good paying job means I get to pay back my best friend and her family ten-fold.” Her heart sank at the knowledge that something so good was going to be coming to an end. I guess this is the part where she is expected to grow up and start the 9 to 5 life style that Dolly Parton talked about. “It’s good that you found something that you can see yourself doing. I still don’t know where I want to go in life besides more school.” The future was daunting. She had no idea where it was going to take her or if it was going to be anything like she imagined. The only biology that Toni had any experience with was a required biology class in freshmen year of high school back at Minnesota. They didn’t even go over evolution. Toni could only hope that society has advanced beyond that point in Texas.</p><p>        No matter where Toni was sent to in Minnesota, she always found her way back to Marty. By the end of her senior year, she was finally given permission by the state to move in and no longer look for any other foster home. She got shitty part time jobs in between soccer sessions and games to help pay for rent that inevitable went up. That was what kept her grounded in such a cold backwatered state. Toni fidgeted with her fingers again as it dawned on her that she was wanting to openly express this part of her past with Shelby. She wanted to let her guard down and talk about her feelings on the past and future. It made her feel nauseous. “We don’t have to talk about this if it’s making you anxious.” Shelby gave her a tight smile and proceeded to concentrate on something in particular behind Toni’s head. “When does soccer season start?” It was a good choice in conversation.</p><p>        Toni’s ears perked up at the topic and the fidgeting stopped. “2 weeks from now we have our first game against some random no-name team. It’s a home game though so we have to make sure it’s a shut out or else I think coach will literally run us into the ground.” They continued to talk like that for an hour longer until things were disturbed by a phone call. “Sorry, Andrew is calling me. I guess that’s my cue.” She looked at her apologetically and gave her a short wave. “Yeah it’s all good. Thanks for the food.” She smiled and liked the way Shelby lit up a little at the sentiment. “I’m glad you finally got something proper-ish in your stomach.” She proceeded to answer the phone call with a rushed out apology about the way she had acted earlier. The Shelby that she had seen all these years was back. Life was really strange. One week you could be total strangers to someone and the next you can know someone’s darkest secret.</p><p>        Toni should have been mentally prepared to see Shelby the next day. After all, the two were no conscious of each other and the world had begun to do its best to throw them in as many situations together as it could. This time Toni was walking home from morning practice with a limp in her step. It was just a rolled ankle and told everyone that she would simply do recovery exercises and she would be good to go for the following day. They only had one practice and Toni had only one thing on her mind, sleep. She walked on the path that led her to Shelby once but there was no blonde hiding in the bushes this time. Instead, she was out in the parking lot with Andrew and a group of their friends. She had a basic starbucks coffee cup in her hand and her other one wrapped around Andrew. She seemed to be laughing at what the guy in front of her was saying and proceeded to kiss Andrew with a smile on her face. They must have been getting ready to go to church since it was closing in on 10 am. Toni tried not to think about the sting that it left. She continued walking. She doubted that Shelby even knew she was there to begin with.</p><p> She put in her headphones and proceeded to keep walking without looking back.</p><p>       Toni didn’t see her for another few days, not that she was looking for her. Dot had finally added Mateo on snapchat so they seemed to have been in constant conversation. She could hear her rant about how terrified she was of coach’s solo practice that evening. Fatin and Leah were as close as ever. She came back to the pair spooning on the couch and fast asleep. “Idiots.” She smiled and draped a blanket over them. She rummaged through the kitchen for any kind of food. She already missed the taste of fries and pop. For there being 4 athletes in one apartment, they kept very little stocked in their fridge. Toni settled for a microwavable party pizza and a can of sour cream n onion pringles. The true meal of a champion. She winced at how loud the microwave was but honestly it was their fault for falling asleep in the living room rather than Fatin’s nice comfy bed. They must have been exhausted as neither of them woke up from the sound of the electronic heating up her food. Toni pulled out her cracked old smartphone and proceeded to take a picture of the two. For how confident Fatin could be, she was always the little spoon when it came to Leah. Fatin had an arm around Leah’s waist and her hand holding Leah’s arm. Leah leaned herself in a position where Fatin could rest her head on Leah’s shoulder without any discomfort.</p><p>       Toni looked at the blurry photo and knew that it wouldn’t do the two any justice on just how cute they looked. She could feel sadness start to wash over her but the loud beeping of the microwave kept her from acknowledging it. She took the food to her room and proceeded to log onto Instagram. Toni couldn’t afford a monthly phone bill so she opted for a phone plan that let her use wifi to access the internet and pay-for-minutes cards whenever she knew she was going to have to make any phone calls. Though it was very rare that anyone was trying to get into contact with her. She sent Fatin the photo of the two and sent two sleeping emojis. She had a few photos of her on there but nothing of any real significance. She wasn’t the social media expert that Fatin was but at least she knew more than Leah. Dot was some where in the middle as her knowledge of memes was second to none.</p><p>       She hadn’t checked in a while and saw that she had a few messages from the girls in the form of goofy videos. She was tagged in some of Fatin and Dot’s posts. She smiled at the silliness of it all. When she checked her notifications, she was surprised to see that Shelby had sent her a friends request. She accepted it and scrolled down her profile. She knew what the real Shelby looked like now. She was messy and overdramatic, the girl in the photos weren’t her. She stopped short when she saw Shelby in a photo with another girl. It was the only picture that looked genuine to her. Shelby was hugging a short brunette-haired girl tightly. It was tagged ‘Always going to be my Becca’. There was a date on there and the realization sunk in. The girl in the photo must have passed away based on the information given. Her eyes lingered on the post for a moment longer before she clicked back onto her dashboard. She had a message alert. When she clicked it, she saw it was Shelby.</p><p>
  <strong>       Goodkind_A_Christian: </strong>
  <em>Follow me back you asshole.</em>
</p><p> She smirked at the message and did as she was told. She watched as Shelby made her phone pop with notifications of liking all her posts. It felt like a very Shelby thing to do.</p><p>       <strong>Me: </strong><em>If you wanted to see pictures of me you coulda just asked</em></p><p>
  <strong>       Goodkind_A_Christian: </strong>
  <em>I did. I literally sent you a follower request even though you have like 5 photos and the rest of cats and your friends. </em>
</p><p>
  <strong>       Me: </strong>
  <em>I cant help that im always kept busy by life. Not my fault social media wasnt invented for people like me</em>
</p><p>Toni proceeded to hop into bed with her food and took a dumb selfie with her pizza for Shelby to see.</p><p>       <strong>Goodkind_A_Christian: </strong><em>Wow your camera quality sucks</em></p><p>
  
  <strong>Me: </strong>
  <em>Only the best for a phone bought at Walmart</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>       Me:</strong>
  <em> Arent you suppose to be worshiping god or something?</em>
</p><p>       Their banter went on for a while. Shelby explained that she had perfected the art of looking like you were paying attention when you really weren't. They didn’t talk about anything serious unlike when they were physically together. It was easy to be casual over text. You could interpret things however you wanted and there wasn’t any tone that could throw you off. There wasn’t any look Shelby could give her that would make her question why she was there talking to her instead of one of her rich friends. She abruptly sat up and looked over to where her pants that she wore Friday night. She told Kat she was going to text her, exception she couldn’t really text anyone. She checked the pocket and found the forgotten note. There was no name, just a phone number. “Oops” Toni breathed out and went to go knock on Dot’s door. “Come in!” she heard and slowly moved her head through the cracked door. “Can I use your phone to send a text?” Dot giggled at the request. “You literally sound like a 65-year-old grandma.”</p><p>Dot’s phone was much more modern looking with an uncracked screen.</p><p>
  <strong>       Me: </strong>
  <em>Hey sorry for the late response. I cant exactly text on my phone so here is my Instagram if you wanna message me Tonishalifoe3. Im using a friends so don’t say anything embarrassing pls</em>
</p><p>Dot watched her the entire time with a curious brow raised. “So you gonna just use my phone and not mention what for?” Toni scratched the back of her neck and looked around for anything to focus her attention on. “I got a number from a girl at the party but I uh, well I kinda can’t text her.” It earned Dot’s complete attention. She tried to reach for the phone but Toni was already ahead of her as she deleted the message before Dot could see the number or contents of it. “I’ll have you know that if I wanted to really see it then I can just look it up on my phone bill.” The worst part was that she was right and Toni knew it. It was better than waking up Fatin or Leah. Fatin, because then she would ask endless questions and meddle in her affairs until she was practically married to the girl. Leah, because she would put on her best sleuth impression and dig for as much information as possible to see if she was worthy of her Toni. Dot was the best outcome.</p><p>      “I’ll tell you more when something happens.” Toni gave her a middle finger and tried to back out of the room. “You say as if you haven’t already had sex you lying bastard.” Toni’s middle finger abruptly re-entered the room before she was completely gone. Her phone laid abandoned on the bed. She really wanted to get a new one but her financial situation proved that she had more important things to focus her money on. She had a friend request from KatrinaDaniels and figured from the icon that it must be her. She clicked accept and looked down her Instagram feed the same way she did with Shelby. Kat looked absolutely stunning in her photos. Her brother was not bad looking either. He really was pretty respected based on the fact that almost every other photo he was in had him in an expensive suit.</p><p>       <strong>KatrinaDaniels: </strong><em>Here I was convinced you were going to be the one ghosting me haha</em></p><p>
  <strong>      Me: </strong>
  <em>Im sorry. Practice took up pretty much all my time yesterday. I was either sleeping, eating, or at soccer. I didnt have time for anything else lol</em>
</p><p>      She didn’t know why she was leaving out Shelby. She could just as easily say she was just hanging out with a friend and that’s why she forgot. For all the times Kat dealt with her bullshit, she really didn’t want her to feel neglected again. Kat swore that she didn’t care but Toni cared. Shelby had a weird way of invading her thoughts and becoming all she could think about. She hated the idea of hurting a good person by not being present in the moment with them. She wanted to type out a long winded apology for how shitty it was to let out her frustrations about Shelby onto her. She vaguely remembered that Kat waved it off last time they spoke. It was a friends with benefits situation. Toni didn’t even think she was capable of being a decent girlfriend. She had her one-shot at something great with Regan. She fucked it up of course. It went south so badly that Regan transferred out as soon as she could. Toni still felt the sting of the news and closed her eyes to calm down.</p><p>That was then and this is now.</p><p>
  
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Memories Worth Wild</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The week had dragged by at an alarming rate considering this was her last week of freedom before math equations and sports became her actual life. She went between texting Kat to texting Shelby and sometimes at the same time. At one point, she accidentally sent Shelby a message that was distinctly for Kat. ‘<em>if you could see me now then i think you know exactly what is on my mind’ </em>she remembers and flushes from embarrassment. Her and Kat had started mildly sexting which was a new thing for her. She wasn’t even sure if she was doing a decent job but Kat’s replies seemed to tell her otherwise. ‘<em>Sorry, you’ll have to buy me a drink first’ </em>was Shelby’s response. ‘<em>Fuck im sorry that was meant for someone else’ </em>Toni tried not to pay attention to the fact that Shelby didn’t respond and wouldn’t message her back until Toni cracked and sent her a selfie of a cat she found on the side of the road.</p><p>       Friday had come around and Kat had asked her casually if she was going to be coming around. Toni bit the bottom of her lip and stared at the phone. The girls had decided that there would be no partying due to the fact that they would have night practice from 7 to 10pm and then morning conditioning from 6 am to 8 am. They had learned their lesson from the last time. ‘<em>Not this time sorry :( “</em>After an utterly exhausting practice of running plays and getting tough love from their coach. The hell session was finally over. It seemed that now they were running faster with cleaner touches thanks to the insane amount of long distance passing and dribbling exercises. Dot was looking fresh in goal and seemed to have her grove back when it came to soccer. Coach must have done a number on her because she came back barely able to walk and only said the words “I need icecream” when she got home from her punishment practice. She is supposed to be team captain, so everyone jokes that she got off easy.</p><p>      Everyone is in higher spirits today than they have been in days. The rush of knowing they were going to be back on the field playing games was starting to catch up with them. The endless hours of practice and conditioning was going to start paying off. Toni felt an endless amount of adrenaline even after an intense day. They only had morning conditioning and then afternoon practice. They were even given Sunday off as a day to relax and recuperate before the new week had begun. “Remember the semester starts Wednesday so I better see those grades up. You might think you can get away with not taking your grades seriously just cause it’s the beginning of the year but know that I see all.” Everyone chuckled awkwardly because they knew that he was right. Toni once slacked off in one of her English exams cause she thought grammar was boring as fuck and her coach made her run sprints the entirety of practice. He had a good heart though and was always prepared for materials to help guide anyone who was vastly in need of any tutoring. Toni remembered fondly having a one-night stand with one of her English tutors.</p><p>      Toni missed the rest of what coach had said and was startled by the outcry of cheers and claps as everyone began to scatter. “Oh my, did I just catch the star player herself not even acknowledge one of coach’s amazing pep talks?” Fatin wrapped her toned arm around Toni’s sweaty shoulder and looked at her in amusement. “I was listening.” Toni said shortly as she pushed Fatin away. “Oh yeah, did you hear about the upcoming announcement?” Toni looked at her opening and closing her mouth. Fatin looked at her in satisfaction and walked away. “Wait, what announcement?” Toni shouted back and was just given a shrug as a reply. “Fatin you dick!” Her coach looked at her with his hands on his hips. “Sorry” she spoke sheepishly, and he broke out in a chuckle. “Don’t worry, it was funny.” He was never big on rules when it came to swearing. He swore like a sailor when he was mad. She remembered that when she had first met him, he told her and some of the other freshmen that they were adults. He wasn’t going to enforce what they could or could not say unless it was derogatory or made the school look bad.</p><p>      Toni rushed over to where Leah was gathering up some of the empty green refillable Gatorade bottles and tucked them into the container that held them all. Typically, it was a freshmen’s job to refill water and carry it down with them. Leah just really enjoyed the peace of being able to fill them up and take them down to the field without having to talk gossip. “Hey so I uh heard there was some sort of announcement?” Toni scratched the back of her hair and looked at her hand in disgust at the visible amount of sweat on it. “I mean it was kind of a hell of an announcement that you missed. The Goodkinds are holding some kind of fundraiser to help raise enough money for a trip to England for some soccer games.” Toni’s eyes bulged and she started to frantically look around in astonishment. “What?” Toni finally found the words and just drastically looked around at how calm everyone looked.</p><p>       “Just kidding.” Leah smirked at her and Toni smile morphed into an angry scowl. Without losing eye-contact she slowly untied her boot and grabbed it by the heel. “You better fucking run.” She said dangerously low and Leah took off running with Toni hot on her heel. “No Toni stop!” Leah grabbed one of the full water bottles from the ground and tried to splash Toni with the water source. “No bitch you brought this on yourself. How dare you deceive me like this.” Toni growled and jumped on her back while Leah frantically tried to get the smaller girl off of her. “Jesus christ why are you such a toothpick? I can barely tell someone is on my back?” It made Toni break out into infectious laughter and drop the cleats. The anger subsided and it was replaced by the warm feeling of friendship. “I can’t help that God gave me amazing genes.” Toni mocked Shelby’s accent and flipped her ponytail dramatically. “Oh right yeah the announcement was that the Goodkinds were going to be working with the soccer team and cooking like a welcome back meal for the students.” Toni wanted to brush her off and tell her to stop bullshitting but Leah looked considerably more serious this time around.</p><p>       “Oh you gotta be fucking kidding me right?” Toni groaned and remembered that the last time the Goodkinds had done anything with the soccer team was right around the time that Shelby and Toni talked for the last time. “Are you two done?” Dot brought the conversation to a halt and Toni had to have wondered how long she was sitting down on the hill besides the staircase that led to the gymnasium. Fatin was right beside her laying down with her eyes closed. “Dorothy babe let the children burn their energy so they won’t bother us tonight.” She said suggestively and Dot faked assurance. “Darling you were so right and I am so wrong as always.” They jokingly embraced and Toni had to roll her eyes and get down from Leah’s shoulders. “Have you guys fucked and just not told us yet?” Leah questioned and everyone erupted into laughter at how she said it with a straight face.</p><p>        The plan was to invade the closest Walmart and buy as much sugary candy as they could with as much money as they had. In actuality, Fatin would end up paying for all of it in the form of distracting the girls and have them go looking for an item that didn’t exist. She knew that Toni was barley hanging on when it came to funds and Dot was up to her eyeballs in student loans. Leah came from a very modest family, so she rarely splurged on anything when it came to herself. They ended up calling Rachel and asking her if she and Nora wanted to be included. To their amazement Rachel ended up agreeing. Dot was just as astonished as she read the text out loud to the ladies in the car. “I thought she swore off hanging out with us?” Leah looked around in amazement. “No I believe her words were” Fatin cleared her throat and proceeded to do her best Rachel Reid impression. “I swear to god I am never going to another one of those parties again. I have paid my dues, kiss my beautiful black ass.” Fatin made sure to add an extra dose of sass for fun.</p><p>         “Sounds like she never said no to hanging out with us.” Toni shrugged and gave Fatin a high five. Rachel could be really fun to have around when she wasn’t uptight about sports. “Let me see if my puppy dog look still works on Marty.” She grinned at her phone and then took the most exasperated selfie she had ever taken in her life. “Honey you really need a new phone.” Fatin turned to look at the pathetic phone in sadness. “Yeah yeah I’ve heard that a lot recently. If yall wanna fork out the good cash to fix it go for it.” She waved her hand in dismissal not even thinking anything of the comment. She missed the way that the car grew silent for a moment. “Hell yeah! The Toni Shalifoe face still works. My babe is coming over!” Toni shook her fist in excitement and whatever was left over from the previous conversation evaporated. “Ay I missed that loving teddy bear.” Dot cheered as she put the car in reverse and began to drive to the closest fast-food chain. They got to the closest McDonalds and Toni let her mind wonder to the day that her and Shelby ate lunch together.</p><p>          She saw it in a different way now and she didn’t know how to feel about it. Before it was just a delicious and unhealthy joint that kept her from starving after intense practices. Now the memories of Shelby were associate with the magic M and she found herself more excited than usual to go visit it. Of course they were ordering through the drive-thru. The thoughts were put to rest once a course of delicious hot fries were beginning to be consumed. They got extra hamburgers and fries in case the other 3 were hungry. They all ordered milkshakes and soft drinks. The car reeked of hamburgers and Toni proclaimed that Dot’s car should always smell this good. “Only when we’re hungry though. If I come in here with a full stomach then I am leaving” Fatin pat her toned stomach and tried her best to make it look like she had a food gut. “So that’s why we always use my shitty car and not your Mercedes?” Dot shoveled in some fries before hitting the road again. “As if I would ever let you dirty hobo’s into Tiffany.” Toni snickered and Leah awkwardly found herself turning as far away from Fatin as possible and pretending to be interested in literally anything else. “You named your car Tiffany?” Dot laughed and took a sip of her chocolate milkshake. “Says the girl who literally named her car fucking Alfred.” Fatin glared at her and the others for daring to laugh at her cars’ name.</p><p>          “Excuse you, Alfred is a national treasure. He put up with the Waynes bullshit for literally decades of his life just so he could raise their emo child and watch him fight crime in a literal bat suit.” Dot put emotional emphasis on the parts that were supposed to sound ridiculous. “Yeah and one time I broke a nail trying to build my macchiato machine. He ain’t special.” Fatin looked her nails and Dot lightly slapped her arm. “Oh no not the nail!” Toni playfully shrieked and pretended like she was dying. “Toni! Oh god someone get her a nail filer state.” Leah leaned over and pretended to give her cpr. “Fucking hell guys stop you’re gonna make me have to pull over or else we’re gonna crash.” Dot’s face got red from laughing and she looked like she was almost on the verge of tears. Fatin grinned and clapped her hands a few times out of laughter. “Yall suck.” She rolled her eyes and the girls gradually went back to chewing on more food as they neared the apartment.</p><p>           “If any of you left crumbs in my car and ants get in. So help me God.” Dot pointed at them individually and Toni put her hands up. “I checked when I left.” Leah pointed at Toni, “What she said.” Fatin shrugged, “Sue me.” After they were able to set up their living room properly for a movie, they proceeded to start eating the remains of the food. Within 30 minutes, Rachel and Nora showed up. “I hope yall showered, it smells in here.” Rachel scrunched up her nose as she looked around for the source. “Hi guys!” Nora waved from behind Rachel and looked entranced by the smell. “I brought a party gift.” It was another bottle of fireball and the girls let out some hoots and hollers. “I figured that a college movie night wasn’t complete without a little something.” Nora grinned and placed it on the table. “Is that for us?” Rachel asked skeptical as Nora was already helping herself to the closest hamburger. Everyone knew that Rachel had a devastating eating disorder when she was in highschool. They just didn’t like to bring it up cause it wasn’t their place to discuss it.</p><p>           “Yeah help yourself. We also have some deliciously sugary candy that will absolutely not make you feel like you’re dying the next day.” Dot broke the mild tension and everything was how it was supposed to be. Rachel slowly ate her hamburger and some fries after a nice shot of fireball. Nora watched her subconsciously the way she had many years ago and nodded her head in approval before digging back into eating. They laughed and talked about their lives before coming to college. It was another 30 minutes before Martha finally showed up. “Oh thank god.” Martha groaned and grabbed the fireball from the table before pouring herself a double. “Okay wow so you’re not going to say hi to your best friend and instead make out with a shot glass?” Toni joked as she pulled Martha into a hug once she had finished the shot. “I’m finally done with my pre-required class for getting into veterinarian school. I heard it was the hardest part but like, I was drowning this entire summer.” Martha groaned into Toni’s shoulder and Toni pat her back sympathetically. “It’s over now Marty. You might have wasted your entire summer on that bullshit but you can always make up for it with us now.” It earned Toni another groan from Martha.</p><p>           “I can’t believe I wasn’t able to go out with you guys a single time. It’s so unfair.” She huffed and crossed her arms in annoyance. “You were the one who said that you would prefer taking it now than upcoming semester cause the teacher sucks.” Leah argued back as she slurped on her drink. “That might have been the better option than Mrs. Carlian. She assigned so much work and we had to study real-life dying animals.” Martha frowned deeply and grabbed a pack of large fries. Toni let go of her and proceeded to get Martha’s pre-made salad that she always got from the store whenever the girls would get burgers. “You may eat your sorrows with a bucket of leaves.” Toni smiled following it up with a cup of dressing and croutons. “I knew you wouldn’t leave me hanging.” Martha smiled and shoved some of the food into her mouth, abandoning the tasty fries. “Alright sluts what are we watching tonight.” Fatin motioned for everyone’s attention as she laid down on the couch with her head hanging upside down at the end.</p><p>           “She’s the Man, like we can’t end a summer full of soccer without watching that.” Dot looked like it was life or death that they were discussing. “What if we watched Pride and Prejudice?” Leah brought up but everyone quickly rejected the idea. “No we are not going to watch just so you can cry about how destined Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy are meant for each other in the rain scene.” Rachel was the first to say before nodding to Dot. “I vote for She’s the Man. Anyone else?” Rachel took charge and Dot raised her hand rapidly. “Viola Johnson should have been a lesbian and that is that.” Toni smirked as she raised her hand and Martha reluctantly raised her hand. “Is that a soccer movie?” She whispered to Toni and Toni nodded back. “You’re so goddamn cute.” Toni cooed and hugged her tightly. She always forgets that, since coming to college, the two had been exposed to different things. Toni saw more sport related content while Martha was off learning about how to become the best veterinarian the country had ever seen. Fatin took a moment to think about it. “I guess my life has been missing some Channing Tatum huh.” Before reluctantly raising her hand.</p><p>           Leah rolled her eyes, “Fine you guys win.” She pouted. Fatin smiled at her and outstretched her arms. “Come here babe, you can cuddle with me while we watch.” Leah tried to fight a smile from her face and ended up giving in to the idea. “You gotta let me be the big spoon though. You’re so boney.” Leah guided herself so she was briefly on top of Fatin before they switched positions and Fatin laid comfortable on top of Leah. “Ah yes, this is my happy place.” Fatin smiled and cuddled in deeper. “Mine too.” Leah whispered out and tried not to pay attention to the way everyone was staring at them. “Great well looks like the couch is occupied.” Toni groaned and made her way to her room to bring out her comforter and a spare blanket for everyone to lay on. “I’ll go get the pillows from Fatin’s room.” Dot opted and Fatin sent her a glare. “It’s what you get.” She stuck her middle finger at the cuddling duo. Fatin couldn’t find it in her to be witty. Not when she had a long day of practices and now she is getting a lovely dose of affection. Sex was great and she lived for it. However, there was something about soft affection that just got her in a way that sex couldn’t. She was comfortable. This was her home. Martha stuck to eating while Rachel and Nora awkwardly sat around not knowing how to assist.</p><p>           Nora shot up from the table with a startled expression. “I can go get like bowls and cups for the alcohol.” Apparently, she had spent the last 10 minutes trying to find out how she could be helpful when it came to this type of bonding. “I’ll uhh clean up so we don’t have to worry about it later.” Rachel said softly as she looked over the disgruntle table. The whole apartment was in desperate need of cleaning. She recognized that Dot could only do so much when Fatin and Toni occupied the space. “I’ll have you know this place is cleaner than any others that I’ve lived at.” Toni spoke matter-of-factly. “It’s true. I’ve visited some and they were awful.” Martha shook her head and finished the rest of her salad. “You get those little gummies that I like?” Martha called to her best friend. “The red fish kind?” Toni shouted back as she shuffled around and carried a big blanket. “Those are the ones.” Martha smiled back at her, she hadn’t given her a reply but knew that they had gone shopping for unhealthy food. Toni dropped the heap of blankets and proceeded to rummage through a bag for the goodies that Martha had requested.</p><p>           “If it weren’t for the fact that you two are practically sisters, I would have confused yall for a domestic couple that’s been married for 30 years.” Fatin commented as Leah played with her hair. “With the things we’ve gone through together, it’s bound to happen.” Toni shrugs and went to check her phone. She hadn’t paid attention to any notifications since she had sent out the text to Martha. She had a missed call from Kat and for a moment pondered if she should excuse herself for a moment and go to her room so she could call her back. Kat would have fit in. She thinks and smiles before looking at the time. It was a little bit after 11. Their movie nights rarely lasted to 1 am. She had some unread messages from Shelby. ‘<em>So I guess you finally took my words to heart and decided not to come back?’ ‘Hate to admit it but this party is kind of dull without your annoying attitude.” </em>Toni read the messages and subconsciously began to grin. It was the next message that made her frantically tap out of the app.</p><p>       <em>‘ Its ahsame youre misign me in thes dress.’ </em>Shelby was wearing a low cut red dressed that made her boobs pop out a little more than any low-cut shirt or tank top properly could. Shelby’s lips were parted and she had some hair twisted around her finger. The camera was angled enough that Toni’s eyes would land on her chest first. Her heart rate jumped and she looked around to see if anyone had noticed her little moment. Dot was too busy fiddling with her old dvd player that she swears works like a charm. Fatin and Leah are off in their own little world whispering to each other. Nora and Martha are engaged in a fight to the death style of thumb war. Rachel is gleefully refereeing her sister and encouraging her to win by any means necessary. Toni gradually slid up and escaped to her room before pulling out her phone. ‘<em>Aw does someone miss me?’ </em>Shelby’s last text read 11:04 pm. If memory served Toni correct, then this was usually about the time that Shelby would be getting wasted.</p><p>         Except, when she thinks back to their meetings. Shelby always was coherent and there was always a spark in her eye that told her that Shelby knew exactly what she was saying and doing. There was never any hesitation that she was blasted outside of her mind. Maybe she was just going a little extra hard on the booze and drugs. ‘<em>kinad fucked you didn’t tlel me that you weren’t gonna be here. Thought you wer off with that other girl’ </em>Toni stared at the words and tried to decipher any hidden meaning of them. She was absolutely trashed. ‘<em>hit the booze a little hard tonight huh?’ </em>She decided to text back and rubbed her palms up against her spare soccer shorts. Instead of a text response, Shelby had sent her another picture of her in the bathroom. Toni’s breath got caught in her throat and she let out a shaky noise. Shelby’s dress strap was practically falling down her arm and exposed more of her chest. She had a finger pressed to her half-way opened mouth and her tongue was poking out around it. It was captivating, she was captivating.</p><p>         She tried to form words and process a response. How do you respond to a very drunk girl who just sent you a very sinful photo that made you question your decision for staying home. Toni licked her lips and tried to regain her composer that is before Shelby sends another photo that is significantly blurrier than the previous one. Toni would consider this one even more dangerous than the previous two. Shelby has her hand placed on her the top of her thigh with her dress dragged up to show a significant amount of more skin. She’s biting her lip and if Toni squints hare enough then she can see the outline of black lacy underwear. The words underneath her message was ‘<em>wish you were here’ </em>Toni let out a curse and locked her phone so she could properly breath for a moment. This was the same Shelby who taught Sunday school for Christ sake. The same girl who would take food to the nearby homeless shelter just cause she wanted to. Any thoughts of Kat were obliterated from her mind.</p><p>         ‘<em>You’re really trying to kill me aren’t you preacher’s daughter?’ </em>She doesn’t have the capacity to type anything else. She can’t even begin to think of anything witty or clever to respond with. Her thoughts were brought back immediately to things she would rather be doing than saying. She walked to her bathroom sink and turned on the water to the coldest setting. She needed something to bring her down from whatever it was that was sending her thoughts to outer space. The cold water helped to a minimum and Toni decided it was better to leave her phone resting in its charger than tempt fate. She strolled out of her room after a long 10 minutes away from the gang. “Where were you?” Martha asked worried once Toni had settled down next to her. The movie was already playing and the stage was being set for why Viola was going to be impersonating her brother. Toni shrugged and said, “I was just wanting to freshen up some more so I didn’t have to worry about it before bed.” The lie came easy but she doubted that Martha believed a word she said cause Martha took a sniff but looked confused.</p><p>         Toni ended up taking two shots throughout the movie and forced herself to think about everything else but Shelby. They ended up pausing the movie about half-way through to halt a growing debate on who Viola should have ended up with Duke or Olivia. “Listen im all for girl on girl action but Duke is just so dreamy and also really nice. That’s a rare combo for college boys.” Fatin points out and dramatically uses Leah’s chest as a resting place for her flailing hands as she makes her point. “Okay but the chemistry she had with Olivia was way better. If this movie was made now then they absolutely would have had Viola think she was crushing on Duke but that was cause heteronormality is a plague. She would have seen that Olivia likes her for her and they were made for each other.” Toni fought back just as fiercely and slapped her hand on top of her hand repeatedly to the beat of her argument. Dot and Leah rolled with the argument for a while before finally pausing it. It quickly dawned on them that they would not be finishing the movie. Not when they had to be up early. “God you guys are so dramatic.” Rachel groaned and got up from her seating position. “It’s getting close to 1 am so imma head out. Nora you coming?” Nora looked like she was nulling herself off to sleep with the bottle of fireball clutched in her arms. She had taken it away once she noticed the girls started to drink without considering their practices the next morning.</p><p>          “Yeah.” She had a dreamy smile on her face and brought up her arms for Rachel to grab on to and hoist her up. “Alright ladies, see you in the am” Rachel gave them a short wave. Fatin got off of Leah and gave them a big yawn. “Guess we’ll have to finish another time. This isn’t over Shalifoe.” Fatin pointed at her and Toni mimicked her words and tone. “Ah yes, I sound just like that.” With that Fatin left with giving Dot and Leah a sleepy smile. “You guys think there will ever be a time where we finish a movie and I dunno, enjoy it without any arguments?” Dot questioned to no one in particular. She actually really wanted to finish it but the clock didn’t lie. It was getting late. “I mean we can still finish it.” Toni suggested. She needed sleep but with her phone in the other room, she didn’t know if she was ready to check it or not. “You two can finish. I’m going to head to bed.” Martha gave Toni and small kiss on the top of her head and got up. “But Marty, its your first time in months you could even spend a Friday night with us?” She hated how pathetically small her voice sounded.</p><p>          “Toni the day was pretty exhausting. We see each other pretty much every day still. You know we’ll have dinner tomorrow too” Martha hated whenever Toni got clingy and Martha wasn’t able to do anything about it. Sometimes she had to give herself time to herself as well. “Okay.” Toni spoke softly and then gave her a smile. “See you tomorrow?” Martha breathed out and nodded her head. “Of course you will.” Dot looked over between them and coughed so they remembered that she was there. “Dot you’re always welcome to join us too.” Martha’s suggestion was as real as the sun shining on the earth. Her smile radiated and anyone in the room would be able to tell immediately that it came from a place full of love. “I guess we’ll see where the day takes me.” Dot got up and proceeded to take the movie out. “Not you too.” Toni groaned and watched the tv screen go back to black. “It’s no fun without yalls commentary.” Dot rolled her neck and stretched her joints. Martha leaves with a peace sign just like she’s always done.</p><p>         “Besides we gotta get up so early. I guess its nice that we stopped there or else we might have had another repeat of last week.” Dot shuddered at the memories of her violently vomiting. Toni let out an agonizing groan. “Fine, everyone abandon me.” Dot gave her bedroom a glance and then back to Toni and sighed. She was going to have to play the father role. Again. “Okay buttercup what’s got you going this time. You upset that we decided to stay in?” Dot didn’t come off as annoyed but rather she just wanted to get down to the bottom of things before they procrastinated on heading to bed even further. “Sorry its just. Im kinda stuck in a situation. I can’t really talk about it.” Toni leaned her head back on the sofa and closed her eyes. The exhaustion suddenly hit her like a truck. “You’re really going to go all ‘oh my god please don’t leave me’ and then not say why you’re acting like that.” She mocked Toni by deepening her voice and Toni just glared at her. The light buzz going through her system made her open her mouth and nearly impulsively talk about Shelby.</p><p>             The words stop though and she finds that she just can’t do it. She can’t out Shelby like this. There was something poetic about being the only one to know about who Shelby truly was. It was like she was the only one allowed to see behind her curtain. Dot rolls her eyes and shrugs. “Whatever man. Just know that whenever you’re ready to talk about it then know then know that I’m here for you. No judgement.” Then she made her way to her room and closed the door. Toni was left alone on the floor with a mess in front of her and all of her blankets scattered in random places. It gave her some time to procrastinate and she did more cleaning than she had in weeks. It was a little after 2:30 that she gained the courage to go back to her room and look at her phone. There was only one left by Shelby ‘<em>You shuld have ben here to occuyp me den’ </em>it was sent not 2 minutes after her last message. She looked at the rest of her messages and saw that there were some left by Kat as well. <em>‘Sasha is absolutely plastered just so you know.’ </em>The message read 1:23 am. ‘<em>One of my friends are going to drive her to your uni to make sure she gets home safely. You can thank me later.’ </em>The message was sent at 2:13 am. She smiled at Kat’s kind words. ‘<em>thanks for doing that she sent me some messages so i had some idea lol’. </em></p><p>She watched the little gray dots appear on her phone and started to brush her teeth without looking away from the screen. <em>‘You know she kept asking about you. Seems like she went on a binge cause you weren’t there. Anyways, she’s got into her apartment safely. You owe me one &lt;3’ </em>yeah she really did. ‘<em>i guess i do haha just let me know when you want to collect’ </em>She left it up to kat’s interpretation on whether she meant it sexual or not. Maybe they could just go get coffee and chill. She wasn’t sure what Kat was like outside of a party environment even though they’ve talked throughout the day since they started talking on Instagram. Maybe asking her for coffee would be too formal and too date-like. She stopped herself from typing it out and decided for the ball to be in Kat’s court. She took off her shirt and pants and proceeded to climb into bed.</p><p>           She was deep in slumber when she felt her body being violently shaken. “Hey sleepyhead wake the fuck up.” Dot shined a light in her face repeatedly when she found that physical touch just wasn’t doing the trick. “God stop you asshole.” Toni shoved her away and tried to huddle deeper into the covers. “So you want to be late for conditioning huh?” Dot angled her phone directly in front of Toni’s face and saw that the clock read 5:34 am. “Shit” Toni jumped up and had to readjust her balance to keep herself from falling. “Why did you let me sleep in so long?” Toni rushed out as she frantically looked for the assigned soccer uniform that they had to wear every day. “Last I checked you have a somewhat perfectly good phone to do that. I’m just not an actual asshole.” Dot had a very solid point and Toni checked the phone to see that she hadn’t even set an alarm. “Thank you.” Toni swallowed her pride and gave the compliment out with gritted teeth. “Just doing my job as captain.” It was a nice excuse if Toni didn’t know that Dot was just that big of a softy. If that was truly the case then she would probably go insane by the idea of taking care of 30+ college girls.</p><p>           There was no time to grab any food or drink before she hit the university workout gym. Instead she would have to tough out 2 hours of lifting weights that were expertly designed to add to her physic and form. She barely spoke a word for a majority of the session. She hated mornings with a burning passion and looked like she was ready to hunt down anyone who crossed her. The only thing that got her through was the eventful moments where the girls found themselves being paired up for squats. Once Leah was done with a successful set, Fatin slapped her ass playfully. “I saw that coming a mile away when I witnessed Fatin staring at it nonstop the entire time you were doing your sets.” Dot interjected with a sorry-not-sorry shrug. “Listen don’t hate me for admiring art when I see it.” Her cheeks were flushed more than they usually were even in the hot gym. Toni watched from her bench. “Wonder how long it’ll be til they realize.” Toni spoke out loud before she realized it. “It’s never a dull moment with them.” One of her teammates whispered back and the two shared a laugh.</p><p>           Toni often came off as very standoffish which led to many students and athletes avoiding her all together. Gradually, people became less afraid of talking to her. However, they all knew to avoid her when she was pissed and knew that she could handle herself in a fight. Being a star player and all had its perks though. If she ever needed anyone to cover for her in class or just in general, she could ask just about anyone for help. Well almost anyone. Up until recently she refused to be caught associating with Shelby on behalf of her being a Goodkind and a bigot. Guess things change. Their afternoon practice went off without any difficulties. Toni gave it her all since she would have the following day off. When it came to attending a university that was thriving because of its women’s soccer program, a day off felt like Christmas. “You guys want to have a makeshift practice tomorrow?” Rachel looked around to see if there were any takers. “Not in your lifetime honey.” Fatin spoke and gradually any remaining stragglers began to leave to avoid being cornered and asked to practice on their day off. “Pussies.” Rachel groaned and then shrugged her shoulders in defeat. “Team captain?” She raised an eyebrow and then looked around. “If we want to win we can’t just sit on our ass while other teams out there are working hard to beat ours.” Dot groaned into her hand. Toni knew that Rachel had said the right words. “Fine, one hour though. Only because I need you to show me how those girls from UNC do those trick plays where they fake shoot and instead pass to others to shoot. I gotta perfect that block if we’re gonna beat them.” Dot resigned and immediately looked to Toni for her feedback. It was almost as if she had expected Toni to have been the one to suggest a team practice with just them. “Yeah sounds good.” Toni nodded and proceeded to clean the mess that was her locker. “I need to do some one on one shots with you anyways cause I need to make sure my form for penalty kicks is still solid.” It was a solid plan and helped her start to map out what she was going to do after she slept in. She glanced at her phone and held her gaze at it when she saw she had a missed phone call from Shelby.</p><p>           For all their messaging, she and Shelby had not called each other or done any video chatting of any kind. When it was just typing messages, it was easier to say things. You didn’t have to gage anyone’s response and you could live without wondering if you said the right thing or not. “I gotta go but see you guys tomorrow?” Toni grabbed her bag and fast walked towards the exit with her phone in hand. “What was that about?” She heard Rachel say but didn’t stick around long enough for the reply. ‘<em>sorry for missing the call i had practice’ ‘whats up’ </em>Shelby had called a few hours ago at that point. Toni had completely neglected checking her phone even after her workout and told herself she would worry about the distractions after practice. Toni’s stomach grumbled and she knew that it was time to eat. Guess going periods of time without food but running off empty calories makes you hungry. ‘<em>You free?’ </em>Toni’s fast pace walk slowed to a halt but her breathing remained fast pace. ‘<em>I wanted to apologize for last night. I had a hard night.’ </em>What was Toni supposed to say, no? Shelby was reaching out to her in some way or another. She tried to come up with anything but her mind was drawing a blank. All she could think about was the messages which were now deleted by Shelby. A voice in her head scolded her for not saving those pictures but goddamn it she wasn’t a creep.</p><p>‘<em>yeah im free’ </em></p><p>I mean she wasn’t wrong.</p><p>            </p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Rapid Waters</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I wrote a short one as im a busy Matty at the moment. I still have one more update for this week. Maybe 2 if im feeling snazzy. </p><p>As always: Find me on LetsTalkWilds on twitter</p>
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    <p>         Toni should have seen it coming after being asked to walk 3 miles in the opposite direction from where the college town and stores were at. She wasn’t even sure where a ‘Big Texas gas station even was’. She couldn’t drive so she never needed to know nearby gas stations besides the popular one nearby Quick Trip. Instead, she wound up at a completely empty gas station drenched in sweat by the summer heat. She looked down at her nearly dead phone and realized she had made a terrible mistake. She had no idea what Shelby’s intentions were but she sure as hell was going to be lost if she had to walk all the way back with a dead phone. “Fucking cheap phone.” Toni groaned in frustration and kicked a rock. It took her almost an hour to get there and there was no tall blonde Christians anywhere. Usually that would be a good thing but not when she had a shitty day and was drenched in sweat. She must have smelled like a teenage boy who hadn’t discovered what a shower was.</p><p>        Sometime during her inner monologue, she began to speak to herself out loud. “I mean this is just ridiculous. Who asks someone to show up somewhere knowing they have to <em>walk</em> and then be completely late. It’s over 100 degrees.” She paces and continues to sound off about her annoyance as if it was going to solve her problems magically. 15 minutes of pacing would do that to a person in the summer Texas heat. She was still mid-rant when a car drove through the entrance and stopped short of her. “You lost?” The strong southern accent make her grind her teeth and Toni shot off like a rocket. It was as if Shelby had lit the fuze with nothing but a cheeky message. “Yeah I’m fucking lost. I had to walk here with god knows who can do what. This place looks like someone committed a murder. Not to mention you’re so fucking late that I just look like some crazy lunatic standing out in this hell hole weather.” Toni is fuming and her breathing was ragged. Between practice, the long walk, and standing in nothing but sun, she wasn’t feeling too hot.</p><p>        “I..” She wanted to keep going, wanted to let her inner rage out the way she used to. Because sometimes, she truly felt like a stranger when it came to who she was then and who she was now. She could see Shelby’s mouth moving but couldn’t hear any words. The world felt like she was looking through a terrible polaroid photo lens. The colors were sharp but she couldn’t make out the details and her head felt like it was off balance. The colors grew intense until there was nothing but pitch blackness.</p><p>       She woke up in the back of a nice Mercedes-Benz and could smell the intense stench of rich people leather. Her throat was dry, and her thoughts were hazy. “<em>Where the fuck am I” </em>is what she thought she said but in reality all that was spoken was a jumbled up mess that sounded more like an estrange foreign language. The air was frigid cold and she found herself shivering the more she came to consciousness. It took a significant amount of willpower to open her eyes but once she did all she saw was Shelby’s green and hazel eyes staring back at her. “I’m so sorry.” It was the first thing she heard out of the girls mouth and her eyes told her everything she needed to know. She was sober. She looked guilt stricken like she had kicked an abandoned puppy. “You should be.” Toni found her voice and hardly recognized the deepness of it. Shelby was sitting in the driver’s seat up front and quickly grabbed something before opening her door.</p><p>       “You need to drink this.” Shelby held out a large McDonalds cup to her lips. “I’m not drinking that. I’m fine.” She groaned and moved her mouth so that she was face first into the seat. “Toni you are severely dehydrated. Drink from the fucking cup or I will force this down your throat.” Shelby’s voice was harsher and demanding. She was the one who caused her conditioning. Toni refused to let Shelby feel like she saved the day by deciding to get her a cup of water rather than just say ‘hey lets meet outside the fields like normal people.’ “Fuck off. I don’t need your fucking help.” Toni found the strength to cry back but was severely underestimating her condition.</p><p>       She knew that she had to have had sweated out a lot of fluid. She felt like she could cross off every symptom of mild heatstroke if she had the energy to think that hard. Her pride would be the death of her yet. Shelby grabbed Toni by the back of her neck and tugged her up. There was a spark and nothing but static could be heard between both girls. Shelby was anything but a muscular woman but clearly pageants had taught her how to handle herself. Toni was no match at fighting the tug and was pushed onto her back by the grip of her neck. Toni smashed her mouth together so that no liquid could enter it. Shelby’s eyes looked considerably darker than they were when she first looked at them upon coming to consciousness. “Open your fucking mouth.” Her voice was low and Toni rapidly shook her head. She refused. Shelby gripped the cup and popped the lid open with one hand. With her other hand she tightened the grip that she had on the back of her neck and moved her hand up more towards the back of her hairline.</p><p>        Shelby tugged the hair as hard as she could and Toni gasped out long enough for Shelby to push the cup into her mouth. She practically forced the water down her throat and gave Toni no option but to swallow. Toni hated how much the water actually helped almost as much as she hated the fact that it was Shelby who gave it to her. The water soothed her anger enough to cough out her discomfort but grab the cup with her own hand and drink from it herself. She downed it in large gulps. There were tiny bits of ice mixed in and the rush of cold led to a strong brain freeze. Toni gritted her teeth and shut her eyes as the temporary discomfort passed. When she opened again, Shelby wasn’t next to her anymore. “Here, now that we’re past your little tantrum you need to eat.” It was another set of hamburgers and fries. The fries were now significantly colder but that never stopped her before from enjoying them.</p><p>        “These are cold, how long was I out.” Her own voice sounded weak as she bit into the fries impatiently. It had only just then occurred to her that she was absolutely starving. “Just long enough for me to drag you into my car and turn the ac up.” Shelby sunk back into the front seat and put the car in drive. “When the fuck did you have time to get me food?” Toni asked with a           handful of fries loosely hanging from her mouth. If Toni was paying a little bit more attention then she would be able to see Shelby watching her from the rearview mirror and see the faintest bit of endurance. “I.. may have forgotten that you can’t drive when I set our time. I was here for 30 minutes until I remembered.” Shelby’s voice was quieter and Toni smirked at the realization that Shelby must have felt embarrassed. It almost made up for the fact that she had a mild heatstroke cause of that woman. Almost. “Then what?” Toni’s cocky smirk grew a little larger as she shoved in more fries in between gulps of icy water.</p><p>        “God you can be such an ass” Shelby let out breath moved around her hair so it was off her shoulders and back onto her back. Toni let out a low whistle “I thought using his name like that was against some sort of Christian law?” The comment brought out a genuine laugh from the other girl and Shelby forcibly muffled it with her hand. “You know it really depends on who you ask. My daddy would absolutely agree with that statement.” She was stalling and not answering Toni’s question. The car grew silent for a few moments as Toni finished her food in peace. She always ate rapidly. It was a side effect of growing up not knowing when your next meal was going to be. She ate like her meal would vanish from her hands if she didn’t devour it quick enough. “Try not to get too many crumbs on the seats and floor please.” Toni gave an exaggerated laugh. “I’m pretty sure your father can afford a car cleaning bill princess”.</p><p>       “Again, such an ass.” They had been driving for nearly 10 minutes and Toni felt like she had finally regained complete composure of herself. “Where are you taking me anyways? You kinda kidnapped me here if you think about it.” Toni rubbed her hands up against her soccer shorts and Shelby rolled her eyes and threw back a handful of napkins. “Thanks mom.” Toni snickered and used them all for whatever grease was left over. “It’s a surprise.” Shelby must have decided that she would ignore the whole kidnapping comment. As far as either of them were concerned, it really did look like she was kidnapping her since the hospital was the opposite side of town. “Your lucky you bought me food. I would have been real pissed if I woke up in a car with no idea where I was going. Probably woulda had to break out just like those twitter posts where they talk about the different ways to escape cars.” Sarcasm was Toni’s bread and butter when it came to humor. It flowed aimlessly off her tongue with barely any effort.</p><p>       “Yeah well I had you walk 3 miles. I had to make up for it somehow. It was just my luck that there was an accident right in front of me. Took me a few minutes to finally get turned around and find a better way back.” Shelby talked quickly but Toni had no intention of interrupting her for any quick jabs. “Hope no one was hurt.” She said in a low breath and winced when she realized that Shelby could have potentially heard her. If she did, she didn’t mention it. Instead she continued her train of thought. “In hindsight, I probably should have ordered you something better. I’m pretty sure fast food after collapsing from heat exhaustion isn’t the way to go.” Toni thought about it for a moment then shook her head. “Nah, fries are always the way to go no matter the situation.” She gazed out the window and looked at the scenery. They were no longer surrounded by shops and buildings but instead by forestry. The forest reminded her of Minnesota. There was nothing but fields and forests there.</p><p>         “I’m sorry.” Shelby’s voice was shaky as if she was truly fighting herself to even get the words out. “I know.” Toni responded simply. She knew what it was like to accept guilt and process it into words. It was hard. There were so many things she still couldn’t say to Martha that she wishes she could. Shelby cleared her throat and took a turn onto an abandoned road. “I want to show you something. That’s why we’re out here.” Shelby paused between her sentences giving Toni enough time to catch on to the fact that she was answering Toni’s question earlier. Toni nodded along but realized with Shelby driving she wouldn’t be able to see her reaction. “That’s cool I guess.” None of Toni’s friends liked camping so they tend to avoid the outdoors like it was the plague unless there was a soccer goal and ball nearby. Leah one time asked if the girls wanted to try camping and that started an on-going joke about them all dropping out and moving into a single tent all together.</p><p>         Needless to say, Toni hadn’t seen much of the scenery besides the popular lake spots and the generic tourist areas that do its best to depict Texas beauty. It was another 10 minutes before Shelby parked her car on the side of the road and unbuckled her seatbelt. Toni looked around and saw no sign of any tourist entrance or any trace of a parking lot. “This isn’t the part where you try to murder me right? I might not have much going for me but I think Martha would rip you apart before you even know what was coming.” She warned with a laugh as she followed. The girl had already fed her. She was committed. Toni followed her wordlessly and just kept her eyes on the swaying hair. At one point Shelby had to stop to put it in a ponytail. “Love my hair but damn is it a bitch when I’m on a hike.” Toni fumbled around with her own tangled up hair and shrugged. Maybe it was the soccer girl in her that didn’t care or maybe it was cause she’s already sweated enough to stop paying attention.</p><p>        “Did you bring your cup?” Shelby asked without looking at her and kept her brisk pace. “No but it’s all good. I’m fine now.” There was more than enough shade to keep her from overheating. Plus it felt good to be out of a car that was blasting at 65 degrees and you had just been sweating profusely. “Just say the word if you need to stop for a break. It’s not far though.” Toni rolled her eyes and stuffed her hands in the loose pockets. “Shelby you don’t have to baby me.” It came out harsher than she intended. It’s just she was against pity and people thinking she couldn’t take care of herself. Shelby didn’t respond and Toni didn’t know what was worse.</p><p>         They made it to a river and followed it up another hundred feet. Toni could hear the rush of water before she saw it. A roughly 10ft wall of rushing water laid out in front of them with a nice size pool to go with it. Toni had to admit that it was a truly breathtaking sight. “When did you find this?” Based on how the land was around them, Toni had to guess that this area didn’t receive any visitors besides Shelby. “I found it one day after I lost a pageant in high school. Daddy wouldn’t even talk to me so I ended up driving aimlessly til I couldn’t anymore. When I went for a walk I stumbled upon this little sanctuary of mine.” Shelby finally turned to look at her with a sad smile. Toni gulped and looked away. Shelby was entrusting her with an intimate look at her safe space. Instead of feeling grateful, she felt like she was trespassing. “What does Andrew think of this place?” She gazed around and found that besides a clean path and cut branches, the land looked overgrown and untouched.</p><p>         “I could never take him here. He’d host a party and the place would be trashed within an hour.” Toni’s ears perked at the answer. “Why would you take me here if you can’t even bring your own boyfriend?” Toni took off her shoes and dipped her feet into the cool water. It felt otherworldly and sat down on the dry ground underneath her. “Feels like I owed you after last nights embarrassment.” She had completely forgotten about that. Her mind flashed back to the sexual pictures and the messages with double meanings. “Oh right. Don’t worry I didn’t think much of it. I know you were pretty out of it.” Toni gazed up at Shelby who stared at the waterfall with intensity. Now that she was thinking about it, Shelby looked incredible fine for someone who got absolutely destroyed the previous night. “It was the last Friday before the school year starts. I had to go out with a bang.” Toni wasn’t sure if she believed her but she let it go.</p><p>         “I once had a friend named Becca. She was the only one I ever brought here.” Shelby cleared her throat and glanced down at her before mimicking Toni’s pose several feet away. “Was? Sounds like there’s a story behind that.” Toni laid down and enjoyed the shaded warmth. “There is. Maybe one day I’ll finally find the strength to tell it.” Shelby was looking at her in a way that she couldn’t decipher. “I’m not really good at talking about feelings. I can listen decently at least.” She didn’t want to put pressure on her if she didn’t feel like she was ready. The fact that she mentioned this person but backtracked told her all she needed to know. “I lost my faith once I realized I liked women and had no attraction to men.” It felt like Shelby was continuing an on-going sentence that must have started out in her head. Toni shut her eyes and nodded her head to signal that Shelby could keep talking. “My family grew up talking about how sinful it was and that anyone who partook in it should be ashamed of themselves. Felt like I was going to lose myself over it if I’m being honest.” She gave a sad laugh and continued.</p><p>         “When I found this place, it felt like God was trying to tell me something. The next time I came back, I brought my Bible and read it the way I wanted to. It took a lot of time but I finally reached a point where I could read versus and decide for myself what they meant. It felt like I finally took back my religion from my parents.” Toni felt herself nodding off but willed herself to be awake just a bit longer. “I don’t believe in religion but I’m glad you were able to discover your own path. It takes guts to break away from what your parents or society has told you.” Toni managed to finish her sentence before sleep overtook her. When she opens her eyes, she looks to a sky that is slowly fading to a dark pink and purple twilight. She bolts up and looks around drastically. Her eyes caught sight of the tall blonde who sitting close to the waterfall. She looked deep in thought and the scene was something that could have been shot for a movie.</p><p>        Toni yawned loudly as a way to announce that she was awake without startling the girl. Shelby’s head shot over and she got to her feet. “You know you snore in your sleep. It’s a light snore though.” She laughed nervously and Toni had to blink the remaining sleepiness from her eyes. “Yeah I do that when I’m exhausted. Typically I’m a very light sleeper” She stretched her limbs and laid back down. “I must have been out for quite a while.” Shelby nodded and smiled. “You looked like you really needed it so I decided not to wake you up. Hope that was okay?” For a moment Toni nodded because honestly she really needed the sleep. Then reality hit her and she realized that she had no idea what time it was other than knowing that she was most likely late to meet with Martha. “Shit” Toni cursed as she checked her phone. She was only met with a black screen as she tried to turn it on and off.</p><p>        “What time is it?” Toni questioned Shelby and scrambled to her feet. “It’s 8:48” Shelby checked her phone and then glanced up. “How the hell did you let me sleep for like 5 hours?” Toni questioned Shelby while raising her voice. Shelby flinched back and tried to stutter a response. “I had to meet Marty like 2 hours ago. She’s probably worried sick that she hasn’t heard from me and the girls know I haven’t been home.” She started to walk backwards and urge Shelby to follow her pace. “Yeah okay I’ll take you somewhere close by.” Toni came to a halt and slowly turned to look at her. “You show me this spot and then you’re still terrified to be caught with me?” Toni tried to keep her face emotion free and Shelby wasn’t able to give her a good enough response.</p><p>“Whatever. Take me near the soccer fields and I’ll find my way from there.”</p><p>       To Shelby’s credit, she tried to start conversations with Toni several times. Toni only gave short replies though if she replied at all. A rollercoaster was the only way you could define their friendship or acquaintanceship. One minute they seemed like they could get along well and the next minute the other was freezing them out. It wasn’t that Toni was angry that Shelby didn’t want to be seen with her. It’s just that they were nearly 22 years old. They weren’t high school kids anymore. Shelby shouldn’t have to hide the fact that she is friends with an out lesbian. The word friend began to come up more and more in Toni’s thoughts. Fuck. They were friends now. She didn’t know how that happened. Toni wasn’t about to ask Shelby’s opinion on it either. Shelby would probably tell them that they weren’t friends. She was just doing all this as an apology and nothing more.</p><p>        She had a nagging thought that that wasn’t true. Shelby distinctly told her that she missed her. That her absence was noticeable. The thought was almost enough for her to forgive Shelby. Someone had missed her when she wasn’t around. Someone who wasn’t her roommates or best friend. This was Toni Shalifoe though. No body gets anything for free when it came to her. Shelby listened to Toni and dropped her off near the parking lot of the soccer fields. It was entering the later stages of dusk so the car was hidden under a hazy tint of remaining light. “Thanks for the ride and the view.” Toni nodded towards her and got out. She stuffed her pockets, grabbed anything that she had with her and walked. She wanted to walk as quickly as possible but stopped short by Shelby meeting her step by step and pulling her arm.</p><p>       “What Shelby, I’m already late.” Toni groaned and looked at her. “I just wanted to say that today was nice. Even with it starting out really rocky.” She loosened her grip. Maybe it was her imagination or the fact that everything was getting dark. She thought she saw a change in Shelby’s facial expression. It was as if she was going to say something completely different but bailed on it last minute. “The nap and food was pretty good.” Toni gave her a half-hearted smile and saluted towards her. “See you around Goodkind. Don’t know when we’ll be going to any more of those parties but don’t fry your brain too much.” She stuffed her hands back in her pocket and continued her walk. This time Shelby didn’t stop her.</p><p>       Toni knocked on Martha’s apartment door and tried to rehearse what she was going to say. ‘Hey sorry I didn’t call you or text anyone. I fell asleep in the forest outside of the fields.’ Would that be convincing enough? She was a shit liar. She spent her whole life telling people the ugly truths and now sucked at lying. Martha opened the door before she could prepare her next line and hugged her tightly. “Where were you? We were all so worried.” Martha groaned into her shoulder and Toni positioned herself so she could hold Martha and pat the back of her head. “I fell asleep at an awkward place and my phone died. I really underestimated how in desperate need of sleep I was.” She wasn’t sure if Martha bought it or not. The door widened and Dot’s head poked out. “You son of a bitch. Toni is here!” She called out and she could hear various voices shouting back. “Where is that girl, I swear to god im gonna rip her apart.” She could hear Fatin practically growing out and braced herself.</p><p>       “I told you they were worried.” Martha whispered and gave out a laugh that made Toni smile and breathe finally. Fatin ended up hitting her over the head with a random pillow and Toni couldn’t help but try to fumble away from everyone. She should have just submitted and waved the white flag. Instead, she was now stuck at the bottom of a dog pile in the middle of the hallway. Fucking hell though, she wouldn’t have it any other way.</p><p>       They all end up watching a movie and ordering Toni’s favorite pizza. Meat lover’s special. She eats significantly less than what they’re used to and she finds that her excuse has lost a sincere amount of credibility. She blows them off and blames it on sleeping in the hot sun. It’s only two hours later that she finally plugs in her phone. It takes a second for her it to load in any notifications. Shelby had sent her one saying ‘<em>Hope you got home safely’ </em>all Toni did was send her a thumbs up. If anything taught her today, it was that they were more than likely better off not being on each others radar. It had to have been better than whatever train wreck those two were going on. Instead, she focuses on the people in front of her who laugh and smile as they throw down uno cars as if they were dealing with millions on the line.</p><p>      Rachel and Nora were quickly called in. They decided not to drink that night, instead they wanted to spend their last Saturday of summer vacation sober and with the people they loved. Toni grinned the entire time.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. When Worlds Colide</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As always, come hit me up at LetsTalkWilds on twitter :)</p><p>I want to write something longer but I have so many other things I need to learn and work on in regards to editing so I chose to keep this mildly short.<br/>Leaving comments is how you'll probably get more content at a faster rate cause I just get so !!!! when i talk about this au</p>
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    <p>        The next day she woke up with a new sense of energy. Everyone slept over so instead of it just being a practice between Toni, Dot, and Rachel, everyone joined but Leah who was gone by the time anyone was awake. Even a few of their teammates ended up joining. Toni felt laser focused in a way she hadn’t been a while. The Texas sky was full of darkened clouds so they quickly hurried to the fields so they could enjoy what they could before the gates of hell broke loose. She had really been slipping when it came to focusing on what was best. Soccer was what she was good at. What she wasn’t good at was girls. A fact that knowingly hurt her ego and pride but she had to get over it eventually.</p><p>        “You know I’m loving the whole ‘stare a hole in the soccer ball’ look you have going on but it’s okay to breathe ya know. Coach is not here. He can’t make you run laps for cracking a smile.” Fatin slapped her back. Toni had been trying to master a particular dribbling style that let her have more control over keeping the ball away from defenders. She watched a really good video on it and has been desperate to learn it since. “I really want to get this move down. How sick would it be for some bitch to try to slide tackle me and me be like sike!” Toni demonstrated the move but missed placed her foot barely and the ball fell more sideways than it was meant to. “You just got my ankle oops now you have a yellow card.”</p><p>        Toni kicked the ball and looked at her expectantly. “I mean girls are going to cleat your ankles whether you do a fancy trick or not. I just needed an excuse to come over and tell you that your own excuse last night sucked. You should probably work on that.” Fatin was always the brutally honest one even if she often hid her emotions through laughter and dark humor. “I fell asleep. I don’t know what else to tell you buddy.” Toni knows she isn’t lying so she isn’t afraid to look at Fatin and shrug her shoulders. Toni dug her cleat underneath the ball and maneuvered her leg to lift it 2 feet off the ground before she gave it a good air kick towards Fatin’s chest. “Ow you mother fucker.” Fatin wrapped her arms around her stomach where the ball had impacted and sent her a death glare. “What are you gonna do about it?” Toni outstretched her arms like the cocky bastard that she was. The soccer field was her playground. She knew that she could out skill anyone who crossed paths with her.</p><p>         Fatin’s eyes lit ablaze. She frantically began to search around and the realization of what she was seeking began to dawn on Toni. “Oh no” it barely escaped her lips before Fatin bolted towards the bench where the closest assessments of water bottles were. “Hope you like things cold.” Fatin smirked and rushed at Toni with childish intensity. That’s where they found themselves within 10 minutes. The makeshift practice had devolved from a time of honing skill and instead was now the stage for an all out water fight. Dot was able to corner off Toni and lifted her so that she had no way of escaping. Dot always seemed like such a teddy bear except she really did have the strength of an actual bear. Even with ice going down her sports bra, she still laughed without a care in the world. She would also get her own revenge in the form of dumping an entire cup of ice down Fatin’s sweatpants later. Dot sent Rachel a playful smile and Rachel shot it down instantly. “Not on your goddamn life Campbell.” She pointed and glared sharply at her while backing away.</p><p>        “I’m just messing with you.” Dot laughed and resigned her full water bottle towards making her other friends drenched. At some point, Rachel must have been feeling left out because Toni could have sworn she heard Rachel say “Fuck it”. With no victory in sight and their water supplies running dangerously low, they called a truce. “You fought bravely Shalifoe.” Fatin spoke matter-of-factly and held out her hand for the smaller girl to shake. “Thanks. The great water war of 2018 prepared me for this day.” Toni returned the handshake and Fatin lost her composure. “Damn that feels like a life time ago.” Dot interjected and they fondly discussed their memories of their previous battles. The notion that eventually they would have their last water fight hung in the air but was never addressed. They were never truly after a winner. If they crowned a winner then that would mean they would have to accept that their long standing tradition was coming to an end.</p><p>       Their first water fight came a few weeks after they had officially met as a team. Toni started a fruitless fight with Fatin over wanting to practice more shots while Fatin just wanted to lie down in the Texan sun. Neither knew who picked up the first water bottle first but regardless, shots were fired that day. They continued to use water as a form of communication. Instead of words of anger one or the other would simply grab a liquid drink and prepare themselves mentally that things were about to get messy. Dot would sometimes commentate on it and Leah would half-heartedly join in. Gradually over the years, Leah warmed up to the shenanigans but kept up appearances that she hated the event for the sake of committing to the bit. “Where the fuck is Leah?” Dot commented as she flapped off any excess water off her shirt. “She had to go talk with her professor about one of her classes.” Fatin spoke up immediately and then got oddly fascinated with the dandelions that were growing on the side of the soccer field track.</p><p>       “I don’t know why I ask the class when in reality all I have to do is ask Fatin.” Dot shrugged and everyone laughed. Fatin smiled shyly and flipped her off. “Sorry I talk to my best friend a lot.” Dot feigned hurt at the words. “I thought I was your best friend?” Fatin threw her arm around Dots shoulder. “Babe you know you’ll always be special to me. Bye girls looks like Leah is here.” Fatin stuck out her tongue and whisked Dot away to grab her stuff. Toni gave a small wave even though they couldn’t even see her and gazed up to see Leah talking to someone. She was talking to Shelby. Toni furrowed her brow and gave Rachel a slight slap on the arm. “What’d you do that for?” Rachel rubbed the part that Toni had slapped and looked up to see what she was glaring at. “Shelby Goodkind? Figures she’d be on campus before the school year started.” Rachel groaned and went to go pick up their mess. Toni continued to look at Shelby, complexed by why the girl would be out in the Texan humidity with none of her friends around.</p><p>        It occurred to her that she was still dripping with water and a new thought emerged that maybe Shelby had seen the debacle. Shelby glanced over and Toni held down her stare. “Hey Toni come up here!” Toni cursed under her breath. Of course, the universe would continuously put her in a direct path of contact with Shelby Goodkind. Toni waved them off as a signal that she heard them and grabbed whatever she brought down. Her busted phone felt like it was on fire after baking underneath the hot air even when the sun wasn’t shining. “What’s up Leah?” Toni tried to not give Shelby any acknowledgement or hint that she was familiar with her presence. “Shelby was just telling me about what kinds of food her family should make.” Leah spoke casually as Shelby interjected. “It’ll be this Friday at the soccer fields. I was wanting to get everyone’s opinion cause I know allergies are a biggy. I can’t eat seafood cause my throat swells up like a helium balloon.” Toni felt herself being put off by the intense Texan accent. She was so used to it just being them in one-on-one situations that her accent almost seemed forced.</p><p>       Shelby had an accent, but it just sounded so stereotypical rather than the organic version that Toni had grown to not hate as much. “I like taki’s.” Toni stuttered out and clinched her fist as a reaction to answering so quickly. “Taki’s are pretty good. Think you need a little more substance than that super star.” Shelby gave her a playful wink and Toni had to give her a decent look down if she was going to figure out if the girl was high or not. Shelby looked so put together and her smile stretched across her face and yet it felt like something was missing. “I mean I’m always down for some homemade spaghetti.” Leah spoke out and brought Toni out of whatever daze she was in. “Spaghetti is always a crowd pleaser. Toni once you get dried up, you should go sign up for the event at the Learning Center.” There was a distinct tone in her voice that made her feel like Shelby was trying to indirectly tell her something completely different. Toni fought with herself for a moment. No. They were better off not knowing the other existed. “No thanks, I’ll probably order pizza with my best friend.”</p><p>       Leah shot her a look but decided not to comment on it. If Toni had to guess by her expression, it was one that spoke loudly of ‘filling that as something to bring up later.’ “Doesn’t change the fact that someone so involved with the team should miss out. Plus, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be required that you go.” Toni bit her lip and looked away. Shelby had her hook-line-and-sinker. When she looked back she watched Shelby smirk proudly at her. It made her good mood sour. “I like pizza I guess.” Toni groaned and started to walk away. “We’ll talk later Leah. I just remembered that my daddy wanted me to grab some paper work from the sports administration.” Shelby gave Leah a tender touch on the shoulder and sauntered off. Toni spared her friends a look and walked into the gym so she could grab her protective rain jacket from the locker. In her brood, she neglected to spy the looks that her friends gave me. Or Fatin’s confused look that quickly morphed into one with an inkling of an idea. Shelby strolled in before the door even had a chance to close. If her friends made any conversation of what was going on, Toni would now never know.</p><p>       “Seriously Shelby?” Toni spun on her heel to glare at her before power walking away to her destination. “What the hell has gotten into you? I thought we had a good time yesterday?” Shelby followed in her steed. Toni mentally cursed the fact that with Shelby’s long legs and mentality, she could have easily been a star midfielder if she wanted to. “Shelby it’s a mistake for us to be friends. You’ve said it yourself, if you’re precious daddy caught wind of you being seen with people like me then you’re fucked.” Toni spat out and she had to grip and ungrip her hands to keep herself from unleashing her anger on an unsuspecting item. “That was before..” Her words lost its fire as she stared at the smaller girl. Toni waited a moment before grabbing her jacket and shouldering past her. The roar of rainfall meant that the team had narrowly escaped the downpour that was predicted to hit in the afternoon. Toni had no issues with that though. She loved the sounds of storms. It helped ease her mind from reaching out to the darker parts of her thoughts.</p><p>       “Toni wait please” Shelby sounded more desperate but not even her long legs could keep up with Toni without having to move to a jog. Toni rushed outside without even putting the jacket on her shoulders and felt the considerably colder water jolt her senses. It felt like the world was against her. Shelby grabbed her wrist and held it in a death lock. “I need you to stop being so goddamn stubborn and listen to me.” This was the Shelby that she remembered. The real one. Not the Shelby who gave Leah her award-winning smile and picture-perfect southern belle accent. The real Shelby Goodkind was messy with demons that not even Toni was properly aware of. The real one whose hair was now frizzing up from the downpour and her eyes full of life in contrast to the fake happiness she showed others. Her blonde hair was now considerably darker, and the water rushed off her face. The perfected look of hers was no where to be seen. “We can’t do this.” Toni felt the water soak into her thin clothes and was silently thankful that she hadn’t worn a tank top like some of the others.</p><p>       They had something unspoken and Toni knew that her statement would potentially be the one that burst whatever fragile bridge they stood on top of. “Toni.. I can’t stop thinking about you.” Toni couldn’t let this happen. She looked around for any form of on-going looker. Anyone to give her the distraction she needed to get out of the blonde-haired girls grasp and run. She needed to run. “Everywhere I go, I start thinking about you and what snarky comments you’d make. I make something as simple as lunch and I start to wonder if you would like it. When I go grocery shopping, I’ll see things that make me think of you.” Shelby let the words escape her mouth the same way the Texan sky let the rain fall. Toni opened and closed her mouth. “I can’t stop thinking about you and I can’t let another thing in my sorry life be fake.” Shelby grabbed the sides of her neck harshly and pulled her forward so that their bodies were finally connected.</p><p>        The kiss was everything that a spark could only dream of igniting. The rain fall held nothing against the girl who was putting her very soul into a kiss. The only thing Toni felt like she could do right in the situation was return it. Give in to the temptations even if it was just this one time. She gripped her hips and dug her fingers into Shelby’s loose shirt. For the first time since she was a child, her mind went blank. All she could think of was Shelby Goodkind and the way her lip gloss made the kiss taste more like strawberries. Shelby groaned when Toni finally kissed back. Toni could feel Shelby’s hands move up towards the back of her hair and give it a slight tug. The sensation drove her crazy. The rain jacket dropped on the dirty street. They stayed like that for what could have been 20 seconds or 10 minutes. Toni had no idea. All she could do was impulsively run her hands through her side and let the lust run through her mind.</p><p>        The need for air was what broke the two apart. Their kiss was wet and messy. Toni opened up her eyes to find Shelby’s green eyes clouded by a darker hue than what she was mentally prepared to see. “Fuck” Shelby breathed out and gazed back at Toni’s lips. The buzz was intense and kept escalating as if the kiss was not enough. It would never be enough.</p><p>Toni responded the only way she knew how. She ran.</p><p>       “Toni!” She could hear Shelby call out to her repeatedly, but Toni’s training gave her the edge to disappear out of sight before Shelby had even a sliver of a chance to catch up. Toni ran the familiar path to her apartment and didn’t stop until her body practically collided with her door. The rain jacket left forgotten at the scene of the crime along with the phone stuck halfway in the pocket. Toni couldn’t tell you if her roommates were home. All she could see was the room spinning. All she could taste was Shelby’s lips. All she could smell was her vanilla scented perfume. She collapsed on the floor and violently hyperventilated. At some point, Dot or Fatin must have rushed in to her rescue because the next thing she knew she was being ushered into the rest room and guided to the toilet. She couldn’t hear the words of comfort given to her by who ever was next to her. The roar of her ears and the intense reaction of her body kept her in a tunnel visioned state.</p><p>        It took an hour for her to finally regain her senses. Her body shook violently as a fever overtook her. All of her favorite people were there. Someone must have reached out to Martha because it was only her warm embrace that gave Toni the ability to stabilize herself long enough to speak. “I don’t know what I’m doing.” Martha tightened her hug and whispered comforting phrases into Toni’s ear and rocked her steadily back and forth. Toni was very big on physical affection. Whenever Toni was sad or angry, all it would take was a hug from Martha to calm her down. Toni sobbed into Martha’s shoulder for a few minutes before finally regaining her composure. When she looked up she realized that her friends were there. “You assholes better not tell anyone about this.” Toni choked out a laugh and everyone rushed over to give her a hug. She wasn’t a religious person but she gave a silent prayer that no one would ask what happened. How could she possibly explain the cataclysm for Toni’s severe panic attack came from the lips of a girl who sang at church hymns for her church. The same girl who got utterly wasted off the idea that Toni was sleeping with another girl who wasn’t her.</p><p>       Martha refused to leave her side and it was Dot who brought Toni some warm soup. “It cures the soul. My dad always told me it was what kept him kicking for as long as he did.” Toni gave her a light chuckle and slowly ate the soup. Fatin stared at her from across the bathroom with an unreadable expression. Her arms were folded and she looked serious in a way that if Toni had even an ounce of energy then she would have asked what was wrong. Fatin and Leah seemed to have been having a silent conversation. Perks of being best friends she guessed. Leah didn’t have to say anything for her to know what Fatin was thinking. She stumbled her way to bed after she was done eating and let Martha be the big spoon for a change. “We’ll talk about it later.” Martha gave her an encouraging smile and ran her hand up and down Toni’s scalp. She always loved it when Martha played with her hair. Slept crept in and the world was lost to her.</p><p>       By the time she woke up, the room was pitch black. So much for enjoying her day off. Toni felt the fatigue of exhaustion hit her. Apparently crying your eyes out and sleeping off a fever leaves you feeling severely dehydrated. Marty’s arm were still protectively wrapped around her but now her body was angled so she could look at her phone. She watched Martha stifle a laugh as she watched some girl perform a tik tok dance before her mom burst in on her. “I can’t count how many times Ms. Blackburn has caught us doing something stupid like that.” Her voice was still hoarse but at least you could tell that it was English. “Oh sorry, I hope I did wake you.” Martha shut off the phone instantly and gave her her complete attention. “Nah, I woke up on my own.” Toni let out an obnoxious yawn and stretched her arms wide enough to push Martha halfway off the bed. “Hey calm down Chewbacca” Martha laughed and pushed her back. “That was a nice nap.” Toni rubbed her temple and felt for a moment that she could probably go back to sleep but she would only be miserable the next day.</p><p>        Toni reached down in the pocket that usually contained her phone and frowned before groaning loudly. “I left my fucking phone in my jacket.” The thought alone was enough for her headache to turn into a steady throbbing. “The one that is like super nice?” Martha questioned as she stretched too and got out of bed. Judging by how she wobbled and then broke out in alert. Toni had to guess that she hadn’t moved from her spot once. “I forgot I need to pee really badly.” Martha said sheepishly before sprinting for the bathroom. She was so pure and wonderful. She was everything that Toni needed in the shitty thing she called her life. She was alone with her thoughts in a pitch-black room. The only light that came in was from the hallway. Shelby. She swallowed harshly and forced herself up to go get a glass of water. She stopped short of the kitchen when she heard a deep country accent.</p><p>        Her breathing exaggerated and she felt like she had to hold down another surge of bile from escaping. Toni took a deep breath and counted to 10 before entering the living area. “What are we talking about?” Toni forced herself to keep a strong tone and face as she entered. She hardly had any time to give Shelby a panicked look before she was embraced by Fatin. “I’m so glad you’re okay.” Her voice was low and Toni could hear the desperation in her voice. Fatin didn’t like coming off as overly emotional. This moment of intimacy between the two would probably be a moment that Toni was never going to forget. Toni hugged her back tightly. “I’m okay now.” Her eyes met with Shelby’s and could see the desperation in them. “You gave us a scare you know.” Dot said calm and collected as she patted Toni’s back in her usual fatherly way. “Panic attacks aren’t fun.” Toni tried to string together a convincing enough smile. Luckily Martha was always there to catch her where she faltered. “Come on guys she just woke up. Give her some space.” Toni wanted to give her a grateful smile until she saw that Martha realized that Shelby was in the room.</p><p>        “Oh hey Shelby, when did you get here?” She couldn’t be mad at her sister though. “I came to return this.” Shelby politely pointed towards the jacket. “We’ve just been hanging out and letting you sleep. Shelby was worried about you.” Leah gave her a light smile and a neatly tied together explanation. Toni wanted to lash out and tell the group that her panic attack was because of her. She couldn’t though. She wondered when it was that she became focused on Shelby’s life that she would even lie to her friends in order to avoid outing her. “We got you something too. You have to promise me you won’t be mad.” Fatin grabbed her by the shoulders and looked into her eyes and then to Martha for help. “Your phone was so cracked that it looks like the rain kinda fried it.” Martha stepped in. Guess they must have talked about this while she was out cold. “You guys didn’t.” Toni’s jaw locked and she looked between her friends and Shelby. Finally her eyes fell on the Best Buy bag that laid out on the table next to the dried off jacket.</p><p>        “Before you lose your shit, it’s the beginning of senior year. You needed a new one and no one else deserves this more than you. Consider it a ‘Congrats you made it to senior year and aren’t dead’ gift.” Dot sauntered over to try and ease the growing tension. Toni was exhausted but the fact that the girls had gone out of her way to give her such a gift overtook her anger over it. A few years ago and she would have grabbed the phone, smashed it to pieces, and told them to never show pity like this ever again. Now in her early twenties, she couldn’t help but see this gift as a form of love. “This better not be because you guys saw me cry.” Toni resigned to her fate and everyone breathed a sign of relief. “It’s not. We promise.” Fatin looked at each girl individually. “We even made you a silly letter.” Fatin lifted up the bag to expose a card and handed it to her. Each girl hand-wrote a personal letter exposing their sappy thoughts about the girl. She felt the tingling sensation around her eyes and had to rapidly blink. As she read down the list, she saw that Shelby had written something too.</p><p>
  <em>We don’t know each other well yet. I know you’re going to become someone someday and I’m glad I got to meet you. </em>
</p><p>        Toni met Shelbys gaze and finally acknowledged her. “Thank you.” She said honestly and set the card down before digging into the phone. “We also got you one of those phone-card thingies that lets you get data plus minutes and unlimited texting.” Leah explained as Toni gazed at the Iphone 11 in her hand. “I can’t take this. This is way too expensive.” She started backtracking on their gift. It was one thing if they bought her some cheap $30 phone but this was a phone that costed hundreds of dollars. “Nope, you are not backing out of this. Not happening.” Fatin shook her head and stood her ground. “We all pitched in on this. This is our gift to you for being such a pain in our ass these past few years.” Toni knew there was no winning when Fatin got like this. She could be a hurricane sometimes. “Even you?” Toni asked in a low curious tone as she looked at Shelby. “Yeah..” She met her eyes and then looked away embarrassed. The intensity of their kiss still lingered in the back of Toni’s head like radio static. She hadn’t experienced such strong emotions since seeing her mother relapse and overdose in front of her.</p><p>       Shelby thought about her a lot. It was like the thought was only now occurring to her. She had invaded her own personal living space to show that she was going to try. For a moment, Toni regretted not staying and hearing her out. It would be a conversation for later though. She had the best friends in the world. “Guess we’re gonna break the bad boy out and see how it works.” Toni laughed and everything was well.</p><p>       It took them 2 hours to figure out how to activate and work the stupid thing. They greatly underestimated how many girls it would take to get a phone card to work on a smartphone. “I can’t believe we’re about to graduate from college and it took us this long. Sober.” Dot groaned into her hands but the job was done. Toni Shalifoe now had a working phone with a camera that was no longer blurry and out of focused. “Im about to take some mean nudes with this.” Toni joked and watched from the corner of her eye, Shelby choking on her sip of water. “I mean you do have that cute girl you’ve been talking to.” Fatin interjected with a knowing smirk playing at her lips. Everyone exchanged looks and Leah gazed at Toni as if she was going to offer further explanation. Guess Leah was the only one out of the loop. Shelby grew distant towards the conversation and chewed on her bottom lip as she looked everywhere but at her. “There’s not much to talk about.” She and Kat messaged each other sure and flirted but there was something familiar and friendly with it all.</p><p>      The response earned a surprised look from Shelby. Toni looked at her and then around the room. Shelby got along with everyone as well as she had expected. If she was going to try to make room for herself amongst her friends then there wasn’t much she could do. She didn’t know how to feel about her. The intense panic attack was something she would have to decipher on her own. For now, she gave Shelby a solemn nod as if to say ‘we’ll talk later’. With Fatin at the center of their friend group, she didn’t doubt that Shelby was filled in. Toni knew that guilty look in her eye deserved some sort of attention. She just had to find it in her to stuff down her inner demons long enough to figure out what the hell was going on.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Liquid Courage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As always- follow me at LetsTalkWilds if you want to talk wilds to me or whatever it is that we do on that bird app. <br/>Next chapter will have a rating boost. Just figured i'd drop that info now~</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>     Coach sent out the golden ticket text an hour later. ‘<em>Both practice and conditioning cancelled tomorrow. Be prepared to work hard on Tuesday.’ </em>It was one thing to get a day off from soccer but it was another to get two days off in a row. That sounded like some division III life. “Rachel is probably pissed.” Dot laughed as everyone excitedly rushed out how relieved they were that they didn’t have to get up at 6 am for. “Oh thank god, I don’t know about you guys but im exhausted.” Toni dramatically fell onto the couch. Her brain still buzzed from dehydration and the anxious sick feeling in her stomach was still there. It felt like one wrong move from Shelby and she would be right back at the toilet emptying out whatever was keeping her tied together. Just like everything else in college life, the answer was alcohol. Fatin glanced over at Toni and Toni met her gaze.</p>
<p>     Toni’s ecstatic smile turned to one of mischief. “Fatin you still have your stash?” Fatin’s eyes glowed and her smile felt like she was looking at the sun. “Hell yeah baby. No way am I going to be sober when I got a free day tomorrow.” Toni knew that no one in the apartment was going to sit by and watch tv on an unscheduled free day. They were going to be going back to studying every second they weren’t in class. They had to enjoy the last remaining seconds of Summer while they lasted before the inevitable stress of balancing athletics with education came into play. Fatin glanced around the room with the same mischievous grin. “On a scale of 1 to 10 how badly do you bitches want to get fucked up?” Dot shot her a confused look with an eyebrow raised before her expression slowly changed to excitement. “No fucking way” Dot looked around the room to see if anyone grasped what Fatin was saying. Leah looked as confused as everyone. “Please don’t make me repeat myself.” Fatin knocked her head back and groaned. “10 please.” Toni shot her hand up.</p>
<p>     Fatin looked over to Leah waiting for her answer. She didn’t spare Martha or Shelby any looks as it was doubtful that they would know what she was talking about. “You can’t possibly be talking about that?” Leah questioned after finally starting to catch on. Fatin matched over and sat on her lap at the table. “Oh honey, im exactly talking about that.” Fatin poked her nose and slid off her lap as quick as she had hopped on. With her back turned to Leah, she missed the small blush on her face and the lip bite that helped prevent a smile from reaching across her face. “I’m sorry I’m a little lost.” Martha spoke up and looked at Shelby who looked just as in the dark. “Fatin has this special alcohol that is super rare and super expensive. I’m talking alcohol that millionaires drink. Fatin’s been cockteasing us with it since we first moved in together.” Fatin nodded along with a satisfied smile of pride. “Last few days of our last summer as undergraduates? Ladies I think the time is here.”</p>
<p>     Fatin rushed off to her room for a few minutes before emerging with a gorgeous bottle with decorative crystal designed as ridges on the outside. It looked like it was worth an entire semester of college tuition. “I’ve only seen it once.” Dot gawked at it dramatically. Toni gave it a nod of approval. “Glad you have, I’ve only heard of it in passing.” Leah pouted before getting up to get the good shot glasses out. “I stole it from my parents when I first left home. Doubt they miss it though, we have more expensive kinds at home.” Fatin shrugged and placed the bottle down to show off. Martha blinked dramatically at it and held it up. “Oh my god Fatin it’s beautiful!” She marveled at the enriched details. “Yeah it’s worth like 25,000 dollars. For what it’s worth though that shit will get you fucked.” Fatin looked like she was lost on a far away golden memory before shaking her head. “Im not one to give people limits on their drinks but let’s just say we can’t be gulping this shit down.” Fatin gladly took the shot glasses out of Leah’s hand with a soft smile.</p>
<p>     “Is it okay if I partake?” Shelby asked with her voice louder than necessary as Fatin was standing nearly 3 feet away from her. Toni was quick to pick up that the question was more for her than anyone else in the room. “You’ve spent the last few hours with us. What’s a few more going to hurt?” Fatin looked impressed and poured a shot before sliding it over to Shelby with a wink. “I didn’t know you drank?” Leah said shocked as she looked at her with a look of astonishment. “I am of legal age so there is no reason for why I would not partake. I mean Jesus himself did have a habit of turning water into wine.” Shelby smirked and politely waited to partake in the expensive shot in front of her. Toni got up off the couch and spared her a look. “We should set a max of like three shots.” Toni looked at it as if it was a nuclear bomb. With Shelby in the room looking at her like she is the most delicate in the world, it might as well be. “Definitely. I’m ready though.” Within a minute every girl had a shot in their hand.</p>
<p>     “To a year of fucking around and winning another national championship.” Toni smiled proudly at the girls as she lifted up her shot glass. “Hell yeah” Dot cheered as everyone clicked their shots together in the middle of the table and then gulped down the shot. “Holy fuck!” Toni coughed out and couldn’t help but watch Shelby drink it like it was water. Martha coughed hard and needed a recovering Dot to pat her back until she calmed down. “Whew that was intense.” Leah shook her head and went to fetch a chaser. “Yeah I didn’t think you guys needed to be told that this drink isn’t for the faint of heart.” Fatin laughed at everyone’s rush to grab a chaser. “Damn Shelby I didn’t take you for someone who could handle a drink though?” Shelby looked away shyly and shrugged her shoulders. “When you have a boyfriend like Andrew you tend to drink some gross drinks sometimes.” Fatin looked at Toni genuinely impressed.</p>
<p>     Toni wiped her mouth and tried to look anywhere else but at Shelby. The vodka tasted so real and fresh unlike any store-bought kind she had before. She felt the poison riddle through her body and make work in her bloodstream. It was around midnight, so the night was still young and so was she. Toni finally looked up to Shelby to see her in full conversation with Martha who looked sheepishly red over her coughing fit. “Don’t worry Martha, it’s strong stuff.” Shelby gave her a reassuring rub on the arm and Martha looked at her with a soft look that made Toni feel things she wishes she didn’t. Jealousy if she were to put the words to the emotion. Toni knew that the two had been friends since freshmen year. Toni allowed herself to be lost in the memory of sophomore year. It was the last time her and Shelby had properly talked.</p>
<p>     Toni had lost her cool in the midst of a game against the University of Florida. Her opponents had clearly been encouraged to target her with fighting words and egged her on to throw a punch if she had the guts. “It’s a shame they let such a faggot ruin our beautiful game.” She recalled the way her vision turned red and the memories of being a 16 year old on the run from the police rang through her mind. “What the fuck did you just fucking say?” Toni screamed out and stormed up to the girl who had lit the match that was Toni Shalifoe. The girl met her intensity and pushed back. “You fucking heard me. It’s people like you that make it hard for any of us to not be stereotyped as angry lesbians.” Toni was already on top of the girl screaming in her face. “Fucking bitch just because your no-name school hasn’t won a championship since 1998 doesn’t give you the right to be a homophobic cunt.” Toni spat in her face as the two wrestled on the ground. Toni wanted to punch her face. She pulled her arm back ready to release a punch before she felt Dot’s strong arms grab her and pull her off. “That’s enough Toni! She isn’t worth it!” Whistles were blowing and the field turned into a brawl as player against player took it upon themselves to attack each other.</p>
<p>     The verdict was a red card for both Toni and the girl who started the fight. It took 10 minutes to clear the field of both teams who had rushed from the benches. Tensions were high and Toni was sent off the field screaming and shouting out curses. Naturally it was a home game and the Goodkinds were there. Shelby’s father watched with a shake of his head and a sad smile. If Toni was watching or could read lips she would have sword he said “It’s a shame such talent is wasted on someone with so much hate and anger.” He wasn’t referring to the homophobic opponent. “Daddy I don’t think Toni was the one who started it?” Shelby said quietly and her father shot her a disapproving look. “She lives the life of a sinner with no remorse. That other girl may have used harsh language, but she was correct in trying to guide that unlawful girl back to the right frame of mind.” He crossed his eyes and glared his daughter down. Of course Miss Goodkind agreed with him with a half-smile and paid no regards to the dark look in his eyes. Shelby put on her best fake smile. “You’re right. I just wish she had used the Lord’s will in a kinder way.” Shelby turned around and impulsively grabbed her purse.</p>
<p>     “Since the game is on a pause, I’m going to hit the ladies room. Can’t cheer on the team with a full bladder now.” Shelby’s father gave a nod of approval and she rushed off. Toni was pushed back from her coach. “To the locker room now!” He roared and pointed her towards the building. “She fucking started it!” Toni yelled back. “Well I’m finishing it! I refuse to have this buillshit on my team!” He yelled back in anger and stormed off to go talk to the referees and apologize to the other coaching staff. The assistant coaches played a role in forcing her to go back to the locker room before leaving her to her own devices. Martha wasn’t there to calm her down. Toni punched the wall repeatedly and bit down on her jersey to scream in rage and not shatter the nearest trophy wall. “Hey? Are you okay?” Shelby popped her head through the door and looked at her with concern.</p>
<p>      “Does it look like im fucking alright?” Toni screamed at her and felt her body violently shake. She dealt with teenage boys throwing slurs are her with no remorse. She sauntered up to Shelby with her jaw clinched ready to unleash her full force. God she needed Martha there. Shelby took taken aback but continued to walk in. “I get that you’re upset but I think you need to calm down. You could get kicked off the team for what you just did.” Shelby spoke softly as she lifted up her arms. Nobody had rushed to Toni’s side as she was carried off and pushed frantically away from the public view. “Oh so now the pillow princess is going to lecture me.” Toni threw her head back. “No fuck off! I don’t want your fucking pity!” She rushed up to her face and looked deeply into her. Her brain was clouded but those deep green eyes sent her mind elsewhere. “I’m not pitying you I just don’t want to listen to you shouting across campus.” Shelby crossed her arms and looked like she was no regretting coming over.</p>
<p>     “Why are you even here? You don’t care about me?” Toni’s eyes sharpened and she felt herself oddly starting to calm down the more she got her frustrations out. “We don’t have to talk for me to care about someone who is clearly upset and was wronged.” Shelby closed her eyes and tried to get her thoughts straight. Clearly she hadn’t thought this conversation through. Tears prickled at the corners of Toni’s eyes and Toni sharply turned away. “Go away” She said in a low tone. Shelby tried to grasp Toni’s hand and let her know that she was here for her. “Stay the fuck away from me!” The tears started to come down her face at the physical contact. “Your family and friends have spread awful shit about me since the day I stepped foot on this campus. Do you know that last year they spray painted “Dyke” on my apartment door and I was the one who got fined for it?” Toni’s fist clinched and she shut her eyes to try to stop the tears from falling.</p>
<p>      “How about we talk about the time they convinced that girl Mariana to flirt with me only to take pictures of me roofied out of my mind cause your friends thought it’d be funny.” Shelby’s eyes widened at the revelation. Toni’s mouth hung open and closed it. She didn’t mean to spill about that night. She didn’t even remember most of it. She just felt such crushing embarrassment from it. The only reason she even knows it was them was because the girl had come clean to her and apologized profusely. Since then, Toni was wary of women when they came on to her at the school. Regan had been her only exception and now she was no where to be found. “I’m so sorry.” Shelby whispered and took a step forward. “I had no idea-“ “That’s because you stay so closed minded all the time. Don’t get me started on your father and his judgmental comments. Both of you only use religion to get away with allowing fucked up shit to happen to people.” Toni wipped her face and watched as one of the assistant coaches was approaching the gym.</p>
<p>     Anything Shelby had to say, Toni would never hear it. “Never talk to me again.” Toni growled out and walked away. Shelby never approached her again. There was no playful banter. No eye rolls or Shelby trying to get any conversations started. It was that fateful party. That one leap of faith that Fatin had forced them to join in on.</p>
<p>     It took 10 minutes for everyone to go into full party mode with music blasting. She was no longer that scared angry kid. She was starting to properly mature and that was partially due to her friends helping her find coping mechanisms that actually worked. Life had a way of working itself out. She glanced over at Shelby. She pondered on the thought of if Shelby was trying to come out to her that day. If she was trying to silently shake her and finally say the words “I see you”. The gears in her head turned the same way the alcohol made her head start to feel fuzzy. That same panic and anxiety that sent her spiraling out of control began to shift to something entirely different. She wanted to talk to Shelby now. She wanted to know her story and know what she was doing when she confronted her on that day. She spent the last few years hating her guts for allowing people to hurt her without a single word.</p>
<p>     Except, her property was never damaged again. Sure they threw out slurs but she realized it was when Shelby wasn’t around. She wondered when she stopped checking over her shoulder to see if anyone was going to say something to her about her then-girlfriend. They lived in an accepting place but that didn’t mean there weren’t douchebag church bros armed and ready to throw insults. They had brought out a bottle of standard Kraken to have rum and cokes while they spaced out drinking the vodka. Fatin explained that it was a vodka brand that came from Russia so it was the top quality kind and not the federally approved US kind. Martha at one point pulled her aside and asked her if she was truly okay. Martha was the picture of what a lightweight was so Toni couldn’t help but laugh affectionately at her concern.</p>
<p>      If anything the alcohol helped her recover and feel like a regular person again. She knew she had to bury the triggering emotion away. She had no time for panic attacks. Toni grabbed her shoulders and looked into her eyes, “Marty I’m fine. I slept. We ate. Now we’re having some fun.” Martha pouted at her but nodded her head. “I was just really worried. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you lose yourself like that.” Toni knew the underlining meaning behind it. Martha had seen her at her very best and her very worst. She didn’t have a convincing story to tell her though. Martha could tell she was lying a mile away. Maybe she could talk about Kat. No doubt if she talked to Kat then she could cover for her. “Earth to Toni?” Martha was now waving in her face and Toni let out an uncomfortable laugh. “Sorry, my mind was elsewhere.” That’s right, there would be no need for Kat to cover for anything. There wasn’t anything going on with her and Shelby Goodkind.</p>
<p>     By the time they rejoined the others for additional shots everyone seemed lost in each little world brought together by a crystalized bottle. Two shots was enough to make Toni feel like she had 4 shots instead. It did wonders for her loosening up. A third shot was asking for trouble but Toni Shalifoe was the kind who always ran towards danger. The night changes as Shelby abruptly stands up after letting her third shot settle. “Now I know you guys don’t know me a little well so I propose we do a little ice breaker.” Her country accent changed the way that it always did when she drank. At certain syllables her accent would carry on past the point that her words normally would and Toni couldn’t help mimicking her at one point. Everyone laughed and Shelby gave her a surprised look. It was as if it was the simple acknowledgement that Shelby had needed in order to cross the line and get to know everyone. “Icebreaker? What are we a youth group?” Dot murmured out. “I mean never have I ever is always a good party game right?” Leah awkwardly interjected as she got distracted texting someone on her phone.</p>
<p>     Fatin uncharacteristically got quiet and let everyone else in the group decide. “I think it would be fun!” Martha’s high pitch sign of approval led to the first round. “You have to give us the real stuff though. If there’s something you should know about us it’s that we go hard at just about everything.” Toni sized her up and folded her chest. She was trying to give her an out. “Trust us when we say that Toni really goes hard.” Fatin cooed as she sent a wink her way. Toni felt her cheeks burn from the attention but she wasn’t one to shy away from it. “Fine then. The rules are the usual. You do an action that someone says they’ve never done and then you take a sip.” Shelby returned Toni’s expression completely unfazed by her comeback. “Guess you’ll start then.” Toni took a seat on the couch with a drink in hand and her leg resting on top of her other thigh. “Fine. Never have I ever had proper vaginal penetrative sex.” Shelby’s eyes never left Toni’s. Everyone but Martha took a drink. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one.” Toni felt the alcohol take control of her.</p>
<p>     “Nonsense, you should be proud for saving yourself like that. The right guy will come around and you’ll be so happy that you did.” Toni didn’t miss the candy sweet voice. She didn’t miss the way Shelby eyed her with her eyes starting to gloss over in a way that she had now seen far too many times. The problem was that Toni was feeling it too. The questions came and went. Martha made Toni tell the story about how she pissed in her hand and flung it at an opponent one time after a brutal soccer game. Toni didn’t take sore losers very well. “I swear I’m much better now.” Toni laughed loudly in-between breaths as everyone failed to keep their composure. “Toni Jesus Christ are you a lunatic.” Dot grabbed her stomach and Fatin let out a squealed laugh before burying her head into Leah’s shoulder. Leah threw an arm over Fatin’s shoulder. Martha nodded along and made over exaggerated comments to keep the laughter going. Shelby looked around the room softly. There was an unspoken emotion in her eye, something that she must have not felt well aware of. Like something that was on the tip of her tongue but she just couldn’t get to the bottom of it. Toni felt so free and loved. She never felt this way before. Sure her highschool team had bonding activites and trips but she always felt like an outsider.</p>
<p>     “Never have I ever been blacked out drunk running around the soccer fields in nothing but a bra and thong on.” Leah poked at Fatin as everyone started to calm down. “Oh for fuck’s sake that happened one time!” Fatin groaned and pushed Leah away as she pushed herself off the couch. “No no come back.” Leah reached out but Fatin remained more than an arm’s length away. “Nope, your puppy dog eyes aint gonna work babe.” Dot looked at Toni and rolled her eyes. “Get a room you too.” Toni smiled at them and faked being grossed out. “I’m trying!” Leah joked but Toni could tell that maybe it wasn’t a complete joke. “Never have I ever had a lap dance.” Dot gazed around the room with curiosity. “Im not one to kiss and tell but fucked a girl once in highschool. She gave me the hottest lap dance and ate me out right after. Marty you remember her, Adriana. She was on the basketball team.” Toni looked smug as she took a sip of her drink. “She was so pretty. You should have asked her out.” Toni shrugged and shook her head. “The sex was hot but her personality just didn’t sit well with me.” Toni could tell she was drunk by how easy it was to spill her secrets. She felt like she was in a dazy haze. Shelby’s jaw clinched and Toni felt her heart flutter for a moment in reaction to the intensity of the gaze.</p>
<p>     That night they found out that Dot had once put super glue on an old teacher’s chair in highschool cause she hated his guts. “The bastard had to full on order everyone in the classroom to leave so he could take off his pants and call his wife to come bring him a new pair.” Dot let out a snort and dug her head into the crook of the side of the couch. “That’s so crazy! How did you get away with that?” Martha questioned as she swayed back and forth. Toni had made sure that Martha only had 2 shots and significantly less alcohol in her cup. There was always an unspoken rule that no one was allowed to pressure Martha to drink even in the form of a joke. “I mean my father was dying. How are you going to try to suspend the daughter of a man who was bedridden?” Dot shrugged and everyone nodded in approval. “Huh. That’s a very good point.” Martha questioned as she gazed at the ceiling. Toni could tell that she was going to pass out soon. “Okay Marty let’s get you to bed.” She checked her new phone’s time. It was closing in at 3 am. Time really passed by quickly. They stopped drinking for never have I ever after the first 20 minutes of it. Clearly it had evolved into just telling crazy stories and trying to out do each other with overexaggerated additions that no way could have occurred.</p>
<p>     “Who knew all I had to do was bring out the good shit for Toni to start talking about fucking women. I should have slept with you while I had the chance.” Fatin shook her head in disappointment. Toni knew that her and Fatin were meant to be platonic best friends. Didn’t stop her mind from wandering sometimes when they first met though. “I warned you guys that if you wanted to play never have I ever then the real secrets were going to come out.” Toni swayed back and forth and took Martha into her room. Martha complained loudly about not wanting to go to bed because she wasn’t tired. Martha was out cold by the time her head hit the pillow. “Lightweight.” Toni brushed some hair out of her face and smiled at her affectionately. “Going to bed you guys!” Dot sent a text while waving to everyone. “She’s absolutely about to have drunk phone sex.” Toni overheard Leah comment and stifled a laugh with her hand. Leah was always too loud when she was drinking. A whisper was practically yelling. Leah and Fatin eventually retired to Fatin’s room. “Girl let me show you this funny meme of this girl saying random British phrases.” It wasn’t a funny comment but Leah laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world.</p>
<p>      Shelby and Toni were left alone on the empty couch now. “I can’t believe you stayed as long as you did.” Toni gazed out at her and let herself breathe. She expected the rush of emotions to come flooding back as if she hadn’t been thinking about the damn kiss all night. “I like them. It’s been a while since I’ve just been able to laugh without having to pretend.” Shelby gave her a dopy smile and her glazed eyes rested on hers. Both of them were the right amount of buzzed to make stupid mistakes. “They’re my family. I would kill anyone who harmed a single one of them.” Toni continued looking at her. She was determined not to be the one to cut their current connection. Anxiety and uncertainty were things that she refused to be a victim of any longer beyond the necessity for anxiety.</p>
<p>     “Guess I should come by more often then.” Shelby didn’t look away. She only scootched a little closer to Toni. Toni hadn’t realized the gap between them was shrinking. Toni was not in her original seat at the far end any longer. It must have been the alcohol that was stopping her cognitive recollections from reaching her memory. “Maybe that wouldn’t be such a bad thing. Too bad you have that reputation to uphold.” Toni hadn’t lost the fire in her eyes or the bite in her words. “Maybe I just needed a real reason to say fuck it to that reputation.” Shelby licked her lips and Toni watched her eyes glance down at her lips. In the height of her drunken bliss, she recalled Shelby saying that she thought about Toni all the time. Before Toni could bring up that, Shelby pushed herself forward enough to kiss Toni roughly. Their first kiss was tough but there was still a gentle weight behind it that it wouldn’t go very far. This one was the opposite.</p>
<p>      Shelby’s tongue ran across Toni’s lower lip. This time Toni was prepared and properly met Shelby’s passion. Toni felt Shelby’s weight shift nearly completely on top of her. Toni gripped Shelby’s hips tightly and Shelby grabbed the back of Toni’s neck and back to pull her closer. The two sat in that position kissing before each other’s hands began to wander. Toni’s hands found their way underneath her loose shirt. Shelby moaned at the physical contact and Toni took it upon herself to scrape her short nails along Shelby’s back. It only took hearing it once for her to desperately seek out the noise again. Shelby broke contact and Toni instinctly followed her face to recapture the kiss. Shelby ducked her head so she could kiss down Toni’s neck instead. Without looking Shelby pushed Toni towards the back side of the couch and changed how she was sitting so that Toni would instead be pressed up against the back. Toni shut her eyes and felt the euphoria of having a woman kiss and bite her just right. Shelby kissed and nibbled a trail up to her ear and whispered, “Bet I can fuck you better than that girl did.”</p>
<p>     It sounded like jealousy but Toni was too deep in her own bliss to make any jabs at it. “Then show me.” Toni settled for instead. Toni felt Shelby begin to rock her hip up against Toni’s body. It took all she had to keep her eyes open and watch the blonde practically start grinding on her. The alcohol had taken its toll on the blonde and her movements weren’t as precise as they would have been if she was sober, but Toni didn’t care. She was starting to get turned on. “Fuck” Toni moaned out and it earned her a rough tug on the back of her hair as a response. Shelby went back to kissing her neck and down to her collar bones. Her soccer shirt was made to be loose and comfortable. It also gave Shelby incredible access to basically any part of her collarbones and took advantage of it. Toni’s breath quickened as Shelby continued to tug at her hair and pull it in a way that caused Toni to angle her head and neck upwards. There wasn’t any music playing that Shelby could grind to so she was having to improvise with other ways of pleasuring her.</p>
<p>     “You know, I’ve always found you incredibly sexy.” Shelby murmured as she sucked on a particular spot that resulted in Toni’s breath to quickly intake and come out sharply. “Never would have guessed.” Toni spoke out honestly and licked her lips. Her mouth felt incredibly dry. Shelby pulled her head back and gazed at Toni until she opened her eyes. “Are you sure?” Toni still wanted to give her an out. They had friends literally 10 to 15 feet away from them. Anyone could walk out and find them in a compromising position. “I have never felt so goddamn sure in my entire life.” Shelby reached to take off Toni’s shirt and Toni let her do it with no hesitation. Shelby took off her own before Toni could even attempt to put any moves on her. The foreplay could wait though. Right now Toni could feel her lower parts start to cry out for attention. Shelby stopped moving her hips and procced to drag her nails down Toni’s abdomen. Her nails didn’t have the acrylic coating and were natural. Toni felt a particular way about that fact.</p>
<p>     Shelby kissed down her chest and nibbled at the exposed sections of her chest. Between feeling the nails drag down her stomach in a way that left visible lines to the sharp bites that Shelby teased. Toni had never felt so turned on in her life. Shelby gave her a look as if to question if Toni was okay with going forward. Once they went forward, they would never go back. Toni has never nodded so quickly in her life.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Lakeside chats</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>As always, come find me at LetsTalkWilds on twitter. I hope I can get another chapter out before the weekend is over because I only have time to write on days that im free. </p>
<p>So so sorry that I am constantly having you guys wait so long. Please go ahead and leave some comments telling me what you thought. :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>       If you had asked Toni if she ever pictured herself in this situation, she would have laughed and told you to fuck off. Here she was though, delightfully drunk off of alcohol and kisses from a girl who had only recently come into her life like a freight train. Instead of going straight for it, Shelby continued to tease her and Toni was starting to have a hard time keeping her mouth shut. “What’s wrong Toni? Cat got your tongue?” She whispered out with a smirk after a harder bite just below her hip bone. Toni moaned and had to shoot her hand up to suppress the noise from drifting down the halls and into the other girl’s unsuspecting dorm rooms. “Fuck off Shelby” her voice was hoarse and made it very obvious that she was turned on. “Well if you insist-“ Shelby started to get up and Toni pulled her closer. “Not in your lifetime Texas” Toni growled out and kissed her fiercely.</p>
<p>        Toni took her hand and placed it above her shorts entrance. She could feel Shelby tense slightly by the way she kissed slower as if to be contemplating on what to do next. The answer was obvious. Shelby slowly edged her hand down, clearly milking this moment for all it was worth. Who wouldn’t want to tease Toni Shalifoe into oblivion before getting her off? Shelby ran her hands down the front of Toni’s boxers and Toni knew that she was wet enough for it to be felt through her thin boxers. She heard Shelby gasp and break away from the kiss that had been depleting both of their oxygen levels to a delirious level. “Fuck” She cursed out and stared at her with blown out green eyes. Toni took a second to truly look at her and take a mental picture of it in her mind. Shelby Goodkind was truly beautiful in every way shape and form. “Yeah” Toni gulped out embarrassed. She wasn’t used to this kind of attention on her. She was used to fucking women and then being completely satisfied over the control and power she had obtained during that short time.</p>
<p>       She wasn’t prepared to have her brain burn out on the mere thought of Shelby touching her underneath her shirt let alone her shorts. Shelby goes in to suck her neck and slowly draw her hand in the opening of the boxers before a loud bang was heard from the other side of the hallway. Leah was rushing out before Toni and Shelby had regained any proper decency to push  away from one another. That’s where Leah found them, Shelby’s hands inside Toni’s shorts and Toni’s hands gripping the back of her shirt. Leah turned away quickly and walked out. “Leah wait! Stop!” Fatin’s voice cracked and Toni could tell she was quickly following. Shelby rushed out of Toni’s lap and practically fell to the floor as far away from Toni as possible. Her eyes bulged and she couldn’t contain the loud breathing that came from the adrenaline of being found out.</p>
<p>       Toni’s brain was going a mile a minute and tried to stutter out any response but Fatin didn’t even pay her a look before marching out of the door. “She saw us.” Shelby spoke quietly as if any louder and she would come apart. “Shelby it’s not-“ Toni might as well have been miming the words, she doubt that the other girl who had heard her at all. Shelby searched anywhere and everywhere for any loose items of hers. “Shelby it’s okay” Toni gently tried to coax her down. One of them having a panic attack within the last 24 hours was enough. “She saw” Shelby was shaking and it was enough for any erotic thoughts Toni had to be completely wiped away. Toni opened her mouth ready to pronounce that her friends would never tell a soul. They would accept her the way that she was and wouldn’t even think twice about giving her a safe space. She didn’t get the chance.</p>
<p>        Fatin came storming back in with tears down her face and a drunken wabble to match how horrendous she must have felt. “Toni I need you.” She said between sobs and Toni had to look between a breaking down Shelby and an already broken down Fatin. Shelby was already angling herself to speed walk to the table to grab her phone and purse before leaving without a single word. Toni had to steel herself in order to not feel any emotions. She already had one break down in front of these people, she wasn’t about to have another. “It’s Leah.” Fatin sobbed out as Toni grasped her shoulders. “Fatin what happened? Is she okay?” Toni’s mind was going a mile a minute. Clearly Leah wasn’t hurt but something had to have happened. Toni can’t even recall the way Leah looked. It was like her mind went from Shelby kissing her neck to Leah storming out of the door.</p>
<p>        “We-“ Fatin grabbed hold of her and dug her expertly sharp claws into her back and let out a harshly loud sob. “Alright who got drunk enough to be a pain in my ass” Dot groaned out and walked out. She rubbed her eyes and then the joking playful glare she initially gave the two morphed into a sober heartfelt one. “Ah shit.” She mumbled and then came to retrieve Fatin from Toni’s arms. If there was ever an unspoken thing among the four roommates, it was that Toni was shit at making other’s feel better. Toni was the awkward hug giver who would pat you on the back and say “Well at least it’s not raining” while the other is crying on her shoulder. “We kissed” Dot and Toni looked between each two unsure of what to say. “I take it that’s a bad thing?” Dot said unsure of if she was choosing the right words. Toni mouthed “don’t look at me” and shrugged her shoulders dramatically as if to say that she had no clue what to say in this situation.</p>
<p>        “Yes it’s a very bad thing.” Fatin pulled herself back to glare at them. “We’ve built this awesome amazing friendship and I just had to go and fuck!” If Fatin Jadmani was riding the ‘5 stages of grief’ train, she was sure going off the tracks. “Did she kiss back?” Toni interjected and Fatin pulled out a seat from the table to ground herself and press her hands hard against her eyes. “Yes but only for a moment. I swear, she pulled away so fast and it looked like she had seen a ghost.” Fatin was crying again. “You stay here, I’ll go find Leah.” Dot took charge but Toni was already ahead of her. “No you go, I’ll find her.” Toni gave her a look that seemed to get the message across. Toni had experience with finding love with the same-sex and being terrified of it. Dot had no such experience. Dot nodded her head and sent her a salute. “Godspeed” Dot spoke lamely and went back to offer Fatin physical affection before saying she was going to make her a nice tea.</p>
<p>        “I don’t even fucking like tea but that sounds good-“ Toni didn’t hear any more of the conversation but was already speed walking and looking around frantically. Toni and Leah were perhaps the least close of the group but Toni felt a strong desire to be there for her. Okay, perhaps she also had the selfish intention of running into Shelby. She put that thought and locked it deep into her mind. Shelby would have to wait. Her friend needed her.</p>
<p>        It took 40 minutes for Toni to find Leah. There was a lake at the end of campus and she found the tall girl with her forehead rested on top of her arms. “Never a dull moment with this family huh?” Toni spoke loud but far away enough so that she wouldn’t cause any shock. There was something in the air that day. Maybe the cafeteria ladies finally had enough of them and decided to put some fucked up drug that caused them to experience bad emotions all day. “How did you find me?” Leah spoke softly, Toni could tell that she must have been ugly crying cause her voice sounds scratchy and her face looks deathly pale in comparison to the blood shot eyes. “I figured that if I didn’t find you around the library then I might as well take a swim. The water is pretty good for thinking my best thoughts.” Toni continued to use humor to slide her way into any personal discussion. Sometimes it worked out in her favor and other times it was just plain awkward.</p>
<p>        Leah stuffed down a laugh and then turned to look at the water again. “So you and Shelby huh? Who would have guessed.” Leah said quietly and Toni had to shut her eyes and bite her lip from saying anything. “Please don’t tell anyone else.” Toni wasn’t used to having to beg for anything. Hell, she refused to beg for anything. However, this was an exception. This had to be an exception. “No one is supposed to know. It’s complicated and..” Toni trailed off and stared up at the late night sky. She hadn’t brought her phone. That would have been the smart thing. Toni had been through too much that day to be thinking clearly though. “I mean you guys were basically fucking on our couch. You know what, it’s none of my business.” Leah said genuinely as she waved around her hands to show that it wasn’t her concern and didn’t involve her. “Promise me you won’t tell anyone.” Toni started again and Leah cut her off. “Toni, I won’t say a word.” Leah looked up at her and gave her a sad smile.</p>
<p>        “Well now that we talked about my love life, I guess it’s okay if I ask about what happened between you and Fatin?” Toni cringed at the fact that she even described her relationship with Shelby as a love life. She couldn’t even say what they were to begin with. Friends with benefits? Enemies to lovers? She could go through the list of tropes in her head but she doubt she could ever find the perfect one that described them. They were messy. “Fatin is this shining star and just someone that everyone wants to be around. She makes the room warmer and no matter who is around, they are always drawn to her. I don’t even know if I like women..” Leah trailed off and rubbed her eyes. “Fatin kissed me. It took me by surprised and honestly I don’t know how I feel about it.”</p>
<p>        Leah looked honest and the realization was setting in for Toni. Leah really had not even noticed the longing stares or the overly affectionate touching they had done. She hadn’t even processed that there could be any emotional attachment to any of it. “Fatin doesn’t do dating. She doesn’t do holding hands and cuddling after sex. She fucks, has fun, and then goes to the next person.” Leah sounded more like she was ranting to herself and then forced herself to stop when she realized that she sounded like she was insulting their best friend. “Not that I don’t love her to death, I do, but I’m just confused.” Toni sat next to her and started to play with a random stick that was within reach. She needed something to focus her hands with that wasn’t just dry skin on her fingers.</p>
<p>       “This kind of thing no one can tell you how to live. I won’t tell you how you should figure yourself out or how quickly that should be. It’s different for everyone. Maybe Fatin would be your one exception? Maybe not. Life is weird. You think it’s super clear when your kids but then you grow up and find out that it likes to fuck you hard without any lube.” Toni chipped away at the bark on the small branch and tried her hardest at thinking ‘what would Dot say?’. She wasn’t sure it was working but she could hear Leah try to hold in her laughter. Crude humor was always the key to getting Leah to come back from the darker side of her brain. “What if it was just a drunk kiss to her though? God fuck why did I run? It absolutely was probably just a drunk kiss.” Leah groaned into her hands and swayed a little bit. The depressive side of the alcohol was starting to take its course in all of them.</p>
<p>        Toni still couldn’t shake the ache in her chest to go and seek out her chosen partner for the night. It wasn’t even about the sex, she just genuinely wanted to make sure she was okay. “Fatin looked really concerned when you left. I don’t think she would have been so serious if it was just a joking kiss.” Toni elbowed her gently. Leah looked at her earnestly and sighed. “I should have stayed.” Leah was back into her huddle position and Toni had to exhale or else she was going to say something tone-deaf. “If you talk to her, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure things out. She was a mess when you left. I’m pretty sure she thinks she just ruined her friendship with you.” Toni muttered and tried to look anywhere else but at Leah. She had no idea what she was doing. She hated the fact that she got herself involved. She doesn’t want to out any unsaid feelings but she wasn’t comfortable with just giving Leah a pat on the back and a good ole ‘communication is key’ pep talk.</p>
<p>        “I just don’t know how I feel about it. I need time.” Leah spoke honestly and it gutted Toni to see her talk so low and distant. “We’ll give you all the time you need. I can’t speak for Fatin or her feelings though, so this is as much as you’re going to get out of me. It’s your life and your relationship whether it is platonic or romantic.” Toni snapped the twig into little pieces to keep herself entertained and not distracted by thoughts of another girl. Leah gave her an awkward pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for trying.” She said simply and Toni groaned and leaned her head backwards. “I suck at this.” Toni rolled her head to look at Leah and she burst out laughing. “You actually really do. You make good points though so it’s a solid B+ for the effort but the execution is what cost you.” “Fuck off” Toni laughed as she pushed Leah further away from her. If there was anything Toni’s anger taught her, it was how to defuse tension oddly enough.</p>
<p>        Over the years she learned to cope with her emotions by finding humor in it. She could turn her worst moments into some of the greatest jokes of her life if she found the right time to use them and the right way. Toni eventually found a good escape and began to walk away from the lake. She felt a little lighter knowing that Leah wasn’t the mess that she was so worried she would be. She looked so distant and so out of place by the lakeside. Toni tried not to give it any more thought than she already had. This wasn’t her relationship or her place to intervene. She already felt bad enough for saying the things she did. “Toni wait” She heard Leah call out for her and debated whether or not to keep walking and pretend like she hadn’t heard a thing. She mostly avoided any discussion of Shelby outside of the original opening interaction. Even then she only used her situation as an ice breaker which was one thing she had picked up from Dot.</p>
<p>       “Do you like her?” Leah asked tenderly and Toni could tell that she was trying not to overstep but was curious at the same time. “I uh I don’t know.” Toni shrugged and it was the truth. Sure she thought about having sex with Shelby quite often but she refused to think of anything beyond that. She felt like anything beyond that was simply something out of reach for her. A foster kid who grew up on the wrong side of the tracks was always meant for being second place when it came to a pageant queen. If she gave it any more thought she would have thought about how Shelby didn’t want to be a pageant queen. She drank and smoke to understand the thrill of life outside of her picture perfect life that she was forced to live. She did drugs to escape a past that was haunting her for whatever reason Toni had no idea what. Toni didn’t think of any of this though. All she thought about was Shelby’s anxious stare down at the door and the way she was constantly swallowing as if she was doing everything in her power not to vomit.</p>
<p>        She was comfortable being gay miles away, that comfort obviously didn’t exist within the borders of campus apartments. Still, Toni looked and looked. She didn’t even have a plan. She just kept walking and hoping that eventually she would stumble upon the person she was seeking out. She couldn’t deny that she wanted to see Shelby. It put a damper on her pride, but she wasn’t the same heartbreaking monster that she was 5 years ago. Even before Regan, Toni was known for being someone who could kiss a girl without thinking too much about it. Regan had once lectured her on how she let her abandonment issue create too much friction between her and anyone else who would want to get close to her. At first, Toni fiercely denied it because that would mean she was giving power over what her parents had done to her. Now, after seeing it firsthand with Regan, she slowly came to the realization that it really was making a difference.</p>
<p>        Maybe she could let herself feel emotions of happiness rather than anger or sorrow. To her, it felt like a pipe dream. Regan felt like a pipe dream. She couldn’t handle the anger or the self-hatred that Toni had. Sure, the anger was now far below what it was due to maturity increasing but it was still there. The self-amounted pressure to not boil over like a tea-kettle was always there in the back of her mind. She felt like she was practically always spilling over like water in a sink. She felt like she was always overflowing with so much emotion that if she had let someone in long enough for them to take it all in then it would drown them in the process. Toni could handle herself drowning. She couldn’t handle her friends drowning. It was the one thing that made her feel grounded when she was at her lowest. Her life meant nothing but theirs? They meant the world to her. She wanted to see them grow older, get married, start families.</p>
<p>        She wanted to see Leah and Fatin finally figure out that they’re truly crazy for each other. She wanted Dot to find love and finally understand how much of a badass person she is even when she wasn’t taking care of the others. She wanted to see Martha succeed in life the way that she was always meant to. Martha deserved the world and Toni wanted everything to go her way more than she wanted to breathe. Maybe one day she would look back and say that she wanted the same thing for herself. Right now? She felt like she was a lost astronaut who had their wire cut apart. She felt like she was aimlessly drifting into space and unable to pull herself back in. Life was crazy that way.</p>
<p>        After an hour, Toni finally gave in and returned to her apartment. The lights were all completely off and the air was deathly silent in comparison to the thunderous laughter and talk that existed hours beforehand. Toni’s eyes drifted to the couch where her phone had sat in the exact same position. She was far too sober now to want to check it but her curiosity got the better of her. There were no new notifications. Toni wasn’t sure if she was relieved or if she felt like the wind had been kicked out of her sails. Texting what was on her mind didn’t seem like a good idea. If she downloaded the Instagram app then she could check in on Shelby. It felt nearly pathetic that it was her first thought. Still, the good person in her won out and she downloaded the app on the couch. While the circle slowly loaded, Toni let her mind roam to what had transpired.</p>
<p>         Nothing says romantic as fuck more than sharing your first kiss with someone after they passionately tell you they can’t stop thinking about you in the rain. Following that with a panic attack, then having a sexually charged make out session and nearly fuck session. Toni had to close her eyes and let out a breath. Ever since she met Shelby at that party, it felt like her life was slowly being turned upside down. She was keeping secrets from her friends and was starting to feel like she had to sneak around even though she was out of the closet by a long shot. The details were starting to get muddled together and it became harder and harder to keep them straight. Maybe it was her own fault since she had slowly grown fond of their one-on-one interactions as if it were a drug that was slowly making its way through her veins. Regardless, the come down was bound to suck.</p>
<p>       When the download finished and she was securely logged in, she didn’t find any notifications waiting for her. She tried not to frown in disappointment, but the emotions of worry won out. ‘<em>u okay?’ </em>She spent another 30 minutes and that was the best she could come up with. By now it was a crisp 5 am and she knew she needed sleep. She could feel her eyes close and knew that if she just laid on the couch long enough then she would pass out.</p>
<p>       It was mid afternoon by the time Toni had opened her eyes and let her brain begin to function again. Toni wasn’t someone who had ‘check phone’ be the first thing on her to do list but apparently today was one of those days. Not notifications. Toni drew in a breath and began to open up Instagram to see if maybe there was some delay or it just didn’t pop up. Typically, Toni could see when Shelby saw her messages, all she saw was a little small check mark that symbolized that the message was delivered. The apartment was eerily quiet, and Toni had to take a moment to think if anyone was even home. <em>‘Is everything okay?’ </em>Toni wrote out to Dot and hoped that she would get a quick response. She had expected to sleep for a few hours and be awoken to next day drama but instead she found an empty apartment. No one was home but her. Toni got dressed in a red tank top and some camo shorts and called it her outfit of the day before heading out.</p>
<p>       ‘<em>Can we talk?’ </em>she messaged out again to Shelby. She shouldn’t be overly concerning herself with thoughts of last night. She should be focusing on her roommate situation. It was one thing to get involved with a girl you’ve known for a few years but didn’t speak to often. It was another to become romantically enticed by your best friend who was known to sleep around. Toni was starting to understand why Leah reacted the way that she did. If Toni was in her place, she would have done the exact same thing. Scratch that, she probably would have fucked it all up knowing her. She finally caught sight of Fatin a few hours later after eating lunch. Fatin was continuously kicking a soccer ball up against the wall of the gym. If Toni had to guess by the amount of sweat that was dripping down Fatin’s typically well-dry face, Toni had to guess that she has been out there for a good hour.</p>
<p>        “I see you’re finally showing that wall who is boss. Good, I was getting kind of worried that it was going to keep standing in your way.” Toni said lamely and stuffed her hands in her pocket. She didn’t really have any plans for soccer but it always had its way of creeping in whenever she needed to get lost the most. Fatin hard stomped her foot on the ball to keep it from rolling away after giving it one swift kick towards the wall. “It had it coming, the red brick was driving me up the wall.” Fatin rolled the ball between her feet and tried not to look at Toni. Fatin was always a well of knowledge and insight when it came to other people but she was perhaps just as clueless about herself as Toni was. “So you and Leah huh?” If anyone would appreciate the bluntness of the question, it would be Fatin. Fatin hated it when people beated around the bush and tried to use pretty words to get around what they really meant.</p>
<p>        “Yep.” Fatin overexaggerated the p and took a drink of water. Fatin made a facial expression of disgust. Toni chuckled under her breath, she didn’t have to ask why because she already knew it was because her clear plastic water bottle was hot. “So how did that start?” Toni tried again, after thinking it over for exactly 2 seconds, she decided that her conversation with Leah was going to remain in her vault. The vault was firmly shut but she could access it at any time if she needed to or if these two were dumb enough to need help. “I dunno.” Fatin breathed out and sat up against the wall. Toni moved over so she could sit with her and keep her company as they stared off at the soccer fields and clear blue sky. The previous day storm had made the weather feel almost bearable if it weren’t for the fact that it was Texas with its dry heat. Toni leaned in and gave her an expectant look. “We were talking and laughing. She said this really lame joke and I just kind of went for it. I don’t even know what I was thinking.” Fatin laughed by the end but Toni could tell that the memory was messing with her.</p>
<p>        “You ever see a movie scene out of context and then you get one piece of information and it’s suddenly clear as day?” Toni mused as she looked away from Fatin. She wanted to give her the privacy of figuring herself out without prying eyes trying to ask for too much. “Why does that sound oddly specific?” Fatin made an audible ‘hmm’ sound at the end and threw her hot water in front of her for it to roll away. “I’m pretty sure you can get fined for that.” Toni spoke simply as she made no effort to stop the runaway waterbottle. “The campus police can kiss my ass.” They both smiled at each other. “Thanks. I know you went to go talk to Leah. Any luck finding her?” Fatin spoke after a few minutes of silence. “Yeah, I found her. She was taking it about as you’d expect.” Toni wasn’t sure what to say. She didn’t feel like lying was right but she wanted to not invade Leah’s personal emotions. “I found her by the lake, you know me. I’m shit at talking about people’s feelings so I kind of made corny jokes until she cracked.”</p>
<p>        Fatin rolled her eyes in response. “Why do you have the same strategy for everyone you talk to?” Toni shrugged and returned the smile. “If it works then why fix it?” She had Fatin there. “I think I like her” Fatin rushed out instead of a snarky reply. Toni gave her a moment before nodding her head. “So you like like her?” It sounded childish once she said it out loud but the sentiment was there. “Yeah maybe. We’ve always been close and had this connection. She’s always told me she was straight though. You know me, I fuck with anything that vibes well with my mood.” Fatin mentioned off the top of her head. Toni kept her mouth shut and let Fatin continue to rant about her situation. “We’ve fallen asleep cuddling a few times before and sometimes it felt like there was something there. Then when we wake up and we go our separate ways, it’s like the moments never existed. I don’t think she likes me back.” Fatin looked genuinely heartbroken as if she was talking more to herself than to Toni.</p>
<p>      “You should have seen her face when we broke the kiss. She hardly kissed back at all. One minute we were laughing and sharing this funny memory and the next thing I know; I was leaned over to kiss her.” Fatin looked like she was on the verge of tears again and it made Toni look at her in panic. Toni knew that she had some missing information, and it was killing her that she had to keep it to herself. “Talk to her.” Toni spoke out in order to help prevent Fatin from talking herself into another crying fit. “Talk to that girl you’ve been seeing.” Fatin growled out and then pulled back in surprise. “I’m sorry, that was uncalled for.” Toni swallowed harshly and tried to shake off the comment. “It’s all good, we’re all a little stress right now.” Her mind was drifting back to Shelby the same way that it always did. When she checked her phone, she continued to see no notification from Shelby.</p>
<p>      “There is someone, but I don’t want to talk about it.” Toni said finally and Fatin nodded understandingly. “Want to go do some drills until we’re complaining about why we ever chose soccer as a sport instead of dealing with our feelings?” Fatin got up and offered a hand to her. “That sounds perfect.”</p>
<p>Toni would always accept Fatin’s hand any day.</p>
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